its a family thing

fuck. its been like this ever since. it just got a whole lot worse when i got out of ateneo. fuck.

nobody in the family knows even 5% of me, so they dont have the fuckin right to tell me who i am and what i should do. im so pissed off right now with everyone, especially my parents. just a sight of me would make them say two paragraphs of useless shit about my so-called useless life.

my dad has finally absorbed the fact that his words are nothing compared to my mom's. he has officially joined the under-the-saya organization. if thats what he wants, good luck then. nothing is as hell as letting my mom have full control of your life. i hope he's happy coz im definitely not. ive spent 4 years in college and its the first time my dad said no to every gimik i was supposed to go to. fuck. 'this time around, when i say no, no na kagad wag mo ng pilitin pa!' tangna. after tasting the sweet yes from him everytime i asked permission to go anywhere, that's what he's gonna tell me? he says ive had enough. enough of what? parties? tss. its not as if i go out every weekend! (well...) tangna, i go out but its not like i go around getting high all the time. i am not an addict. so sorry to let them down, but im really not. they think i am, thats stupid. tss. ever since he said no to that overnight at sab's, i said goodbye to talking to him. don't think ill be changing that soon.

i never talk to my mom. its pointless. obviously, we are far from being the gilmore girls (not that i want us to be). a sentence-long conversation is for us to start shouting at each other. she'll never understand me, that's for sure. she has a million things to say in everything i do: 1.my ukay ukay clothers are demonic cause eventually, ill be getting the bad characteristics of the last person who wore them. 2.when she sees my eyes watery, droopy, and all that jazz, she'll conclude that ive been taking drugs and shit. 3.i never made and will make wise decisions. 4.im a fuckin liar 5.im not as smart as everyone else 6. im the most deviant child a parent could ever want 7.i burn their money by buying useless stuff 8.im more fat than her 9.my friends are as fucked up as me 9.i have no right to anything 10-?..endless shit man. wow. moms are supposed to be their daughters' friends but nooo. we never had friendship to begin with. i know my limitations cause she said so: 'di mo ko kabarkada, nanay mo ko. remember that.' tangna she sure could count on that!

now, my brother. its a love-hate relationship, so its kinda the same with everyone naman. i just hate it when there's that favoritism shit again. scenario: parent's room. we both asked for money cause we both had lakads to go to. i get P100 and a mom shouting telling me how irresponsible i am for not having money for my own lakads, while he gets P500-1000 and a mom asking him if that's enough or not. wwhhhaatt-ttthhheee-fffuuuccckkk?! its been like that ever since they've proven the genius in him. no to my tagaytay outing, but yes to his batangas trip. no to using the driver, but yes to letting him use the driver, even the pajero, until wee hours of the morning. i know that he's definitely proven himself worthy of the armani and lacoste shirts she's been getting almost all the time, but it just feels so wrong sometimes. there should never ever be that kind of treatment when it comes to kids, if you ask me.

now, down to one. trish. my favorite familymate. she's definitely a sweetheart, but when my mom's around, trish is as 'angelic' as her. i love her dearly. i just hate that suck up side of hers.

now, here's my side of the story. i am not deliquent, just misunderstood. they think i make wrong decisions, maybe i do. but that never stopped me from doing something productive, intelligent, creative, and useful. oh and by the way, im smart. that's a fact. no dumb person would pass acet by luck or chance. though im not there anymore, i stayed for exactly 5 semesters. my friends are not fucked up. i love them cause theyre the best people in the world. i love going out cause its where im happy. im never happy when im with my family. i know that sucks, but thats that. i never care where im going, as long as its not with them. ive had a million attempts of leaving the house, but i never could. i try to get high grades now, i really am. i love ukay ukay. for the past years, ive never asked them to buy me anything, so they cant tell me that all i ever do is beg for something. i live with the little money they give me, even when i know na nananadya lang sila. i cry all the time. i shout cause im never heard. its always there side, and never mine. im silent when im with them cause the things i say never matter anyway.

they say they know me. tss. who the fuck are they fooling?