our most recent "ex-maid" tried to spread some fucking news about me having an affair with a lesbian. thats so fucking not true. I AM SO GONNA KILL HER FOR THAT! she told my mom pa nga na i was meeting up with this "kabit" of mine every midnight onwards. thats so fucking not true!
come to think of it, it can be true, but its still soooo not true. first of all, i would not go out of my way to meet up with a lesbian! no way man! lesbians for me are those cropped gelled short haired girls with baggy pants, baggy shirts, leather shoes, and of course, who would ever forget, the clutch bag! i dig girls too but not their kind. nevah! ewww
second, even if i usually go out on takas times, i only go to sab's, to bub's, to somewhere i can eat with bub, or to some inuman. im gonna go look for her and let her suffer! now i cant do it anymore! my mom is still suspicious so she thought of keeping the key of the gate the whole night until she's up. THANKS A LOT MERCY! and to think your name is mercy! you better fucking change your name cause you are obviously not worthy of such a label! uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
believe me, im gonna look for you! uhhh!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Monday, June 27, 2005
stuff
i hate people who say stuffS!!! its stuff honey, and never stuff
average has a new name. its called NOOK. better right?
average has a new name. its called NOOK. better right?
Saturday, June 25, 2005
i hate
just had a fight with aidz. okay so maybe i went overboard again. but hey, im sure i didnt go waaayyyyy overboard this time.
i hate it when he doesnt make paramdam everytime he's with his friends.
i hate it when he thinks im being so childish and papansin when all i really want is for him to really listen to what im saying (saying = complaining to him).
i hate it when he doesnt understand me or my opinions.
i hate it when he'd think im being so selfish again. maybe i am. everybody is. pucha.
i hate it when i pathetically say sorry even when he's wrong.
i hate it when im so demanding. and idealistic. and pathetic. too pathetic.
i hate that i hate us fighting. cant imagine being angry for half a day. thats when i become pathetic. just to end the fight, id try anything even if he doesnt want me to do something. why cant i be just a little bit mapride sometimes?
i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
np.
i hate it when he doesnt make paramdam everytime he's with his friends.
i hate it when he thinks im being so childish and papansin when all i really want is for him to really listen to what im saying (saying = complaining to him).
i hate it when he doesnt understand me or my opinions.
i hate it when he'd think im being so selfish again. maybe i am. everybody is. pucha.
i hate it when i pathetically say sorry even when he's wrong.
i hate it when im so demanding. and idealistic. and pathetic. too pathetic.
i hate that i hate us fighting. cant imagine being angry for half a day. thats when i become pathetic. just to end the fight, id try anything even if he doesnt want me to do something. why cant i be just a little bit mapride sometimes?
i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
np.
Friday, June 24, 2005
totally hassled
went to sab's house last night to do some stuff for the business (oh and yeah, we call that a business already!) guess what, we found possible sponsors na! bwahahaha and to think we've only started with some of the articles! other than that, sobrang nothingness! nothing technical was started... but were TRYING to rush things. sobrang rush! haay how i wish we could get things done by august.
sab and i were making the timetable for the 1st issue of the mag. while i was typing everything we need to do for the next month, everything suddenly sunk in. tangna we had to do all that?! pucha. i immediately asked sab to bring me home after doing the timetable. i was so hassled just by seeing everything! uhhhh....
but im still excited to do everything. hey guys, you all better grab a copy of the mag once its out alright?
i have to congatulate myself. didnt cut any of my class. so proud yet so pathetic. i know its my responsibility to come to class. really! but i guess everybody would agree when i say 'its just so hard to force yourself to go to school and when you eventually get there, youll soon realize that it was a majorly boring useless day!' and then you get to think that maybe, come next meeting, its gonna be boring again. thats why i cut. sometimes. ok so maybe most of the time. but i wanna change. i really do.
inigo advanced happy birthday!!!! love ya dude! kelan inom? thought saturday?!
sab and i were making the timetable for the 1st issue of the mag. while i was typing everything we need to do for the next month, everything suddenly sunk in. tangna we had to do all that?! pucha. i immediately asked sab to bring me home after doing the timetable. i was so hassled just by seeing everything! uhhhh....
but im still excited to do everything. hey guys, you all better grab a copy of the mag once its out alright?
i have to congatulate myself. didnt cut any of my class. so proud yet so pathetic. i know its my responsibility to come to class. really! but i guess everybody would agree when i say 'its just so hard to force yourself to go to school and when you eventually get there, youll soon realize that it was a majorly boring useless day!' and then you get to think that maybe, come next meeting, its gonna be boring again. thats why i cut. sometimes. ok so maybe most of the time. but i wanna change. i really do.
inigo advanced happy birthday!!!! love ya dude! kelan inom? thought saturday?!
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
average
finally. something productive. after all the plans, we now have a real "business" (if you could call it that)! finally sab, finally! its about time.
lets not get too excited yet. we have sooooo many things to do:
-permit
-sec registration
-patent
-"office" space (plus a landline, a fax...)
-publishing place
-sponsorships
-blah blah blah. can you believe it? we're so serious! tangna sometimes when i think about it, i get goosebumps. its all so surreal e.
average. thats the name of our mag. its about college people and their everyday lives. its not gonna be like a typical teeny bopper mag. dont you guys think its about time for us to start reading some realistic stuff? girls have been so obsessed with all those kikay "thingys" they read from fashion mags. guys have been so obsessed with all those naked girls who "artistically" pose for FHM. well i think its about time we read something about us and our typical, normal, AVERAGE lives as college people.
bummer. i cant start my article about marla. its so hard to write something about her! i know she's my bestfriend and all but its just so hard. i know everything about her (and literally everything) but whenever i try starting the article, im so thoughtless! gawd. i better finish this so that i can do more stuff for the mag. haha feeling.
ill be needing a super editor when it comes to my future articles. okay so i admit it na. i can be a lot barok. so? (<-ha! the ultimate expression of a defeated person)
anyway, so many things to do. i just hope everything will turn out just fine! i can feel all the fame and success already! ha! (sab dont be too stresses out, oki?)
lets not get too excited yet. we have sooooo many things to do:
-permit
-sec registration
-patent
-"office" space (plus a landline, a fax...)
-publishing place
-sponsorships
-blah blah blah. can you believe it? we're so serious! tangna sometimes when i think about it, i get goosebumps. its all so surreal e.
average. thats the name of our mag. its about college people and their everyday lives. its not gonna be like a typical teeny bopper mag. dont you guys think its about time for us to start reading some realistic stuff? girls have been so obsessed with all those kikay "thingys" they read from fashion mags. guys have been so obsessed with all those naked girls who "artistically" pose for FHM. well i think its about time we read something about us and our typical, normal, AVERAGE lives as college people.
bummer. i cant start my article about marla. its so hard to write something about her! i know she's my bestfriend and all but its just so hard. i know everything about her (and literally everything) but whenever i try starting the article, im so thoughtless! gawd. i better finish this so that i can do more stuff for the mag. haha feeling.
ill be needing a super editor when it comes to my future articles. okay so i admit it na. i can be a lot barok. so? (<-ha! the ultimate expression of a defeated person)
anyway, so many things to do. i just hope everything will turn out just fine! i can feel all the fame and success already! ha! (sab dont be too stresses out, oki?)
Monday, June 20, 2005
shoutout again
happy birthday marla, my dear bestfriend. la lang. hope you read this! i thought magpapainom ka? i was expecting that na. tsk tsk tsk
happy birthday ate karla!!!!!! i love you!
mommy and bobby advance happy birthday!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
music: well rounded
people have been asking me if im gonna go to this event called FETE de la MUSIQUE. its actually a really great offer to those who really dig pinoy stuff cause there's so much for everyone going there to enjoy. there'll be different stages located around the el pueblo area. all the stages represent different types of music featuring different bands and singers from their genre. here's the different types of music featured: the undying blues, the raging rock, the fubu hiphoppers, the screaming electronica (or whatever you wanna call it), the never senseless alternative and the soulful jazz.
ahhhh. who ever came up with the idea that MUSIC BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER is such a genius! the language of the soul, if i must add. sometimes you can tell a person by the type of music he or she listens to. but thats only SOMETIMES ok. music is such a vague, peculiar thing that i cant even describe it. but i love it. its my stress reliever. my instant get away. no doubt about that.
people show their emotions through music. we cry our hearts out when that suuuupppeeerr sad (and sometimes old and pathetic) song suddenly plays on the radio during our heartbroken days as if its teasing us pa. people write those super major heart warming songs about and for their loved ones when they really feel like it. cheeziness galore. grabe i think ogie alcasid and ryan cayabyab are like the veterans already when it comes to song writing. (haha i laughed when i mentioned ogie. so pathetic. hehe)we dance when we listen to a super dancy song. we scream our lungs out when we listen to those 90's OPM songs (especially of eraseheads'. to those who dont know them and their songs, gawd our age difference must be so big!) as if noone's listening. yeah right.
different people listen to different types of music.
--->take for example my dear friend jacq. she's a certified rocker (not to mention a vocalist pa). she knows all those rock bands, even the underground ones. ive always wondered how the hell do rockers know those never-played-on-the-radio songs they listen to all the time. its like when i talk to jacq about music, we really dont have anything to talk about (unless its about spice girls, backstreet boys, etc). but let her talk about music to some rocker about their music and they'd get along pretty fine. oh, and whats with rockers and their gothic looks anyway? not really connected to "music" but what the hell. even aidz got into this genre. everytime im in his car, its all raaaaahhhh! and waaaahhhH! (love you bub!) ah, the screaming voices of rock. nothing against it. just not for me i guess. all good? all good!
--->alternative for me is way better than rock. although theyre closely related, i dont know, but alternative is.. ewan. basta. i think its better. eli is an alternative kinda guy. thats why i love listening to his cds. alternative to me has something more to give than those mushy senti sh*t. alternative is so diverse yet still specific when it comes to topics. plus! most of their lyrics are deep stuff. not just those ordinary lets-rhyme-words kind of lyrics. bands could talk about serious matters concerning life and would still manage to sound really good. gawd. isnt it obvious im such a big fan?
--->senti music. high school music. haha! when i was in high school, i was so inlove with this type of music. i guess everybody was. malamang. thats the time when you start discovering the actual feeling of falling inlove, getting hurt, blah blah blah. so malamang. its when you actually relate to a senti song that you suddenly just had to download every senti song with the same idea. haaayyy now, i only listen to these kind of stuff when im actually deppressed.
--->dancey music. trance, house, hed kandi, the likes. all in all, i remember dian. my dear dear friend dian. what can i say, dancey songs could really make you stand up and dance the night/whats left of it awaY!
--->tiff for me is the biggest fan of OPM. (tama ba tiffy?) ;) hihi i love OPM too. we've got so many pinoy talents here! gotta support them first! i love eheads. too bad theyre not together anymore. i love kitchie. i love bamboo. and mojofly. (o cge na nga) and rivermaya. not spongecola sorry (but i must admit, there songs are so singable!). fine. i love mymp also! and moonstar88 sometimes. i LOVE stonefree. and the list goes on. dont be too impressed. the list is not that long. forgive me for being too honest but i HATE radioactive sago project. i think they suck. sorry again.
--->pop culture phenomena. tsk tsk tsk. sometimes, even if the song is really good, i start hating it just because the whole "masa" loves it too. uhh. im so bad. its hard kasi when its traffic and you hear jeepneys playing your current favorite song. la lang. dont get me wrong, i love pop too. secretly nga lang sometimes. how could you say you love me? i memorized the whole thing! hehe!
--->rap/hip hop. i must admit, i loved rap before. rap and hiphop could actually be okay if only we take out all poser Filipinos who actually go out of their ways just to look like rappers also. i just hate it. those Filipinos who wear big chains, baggy everything (shirt and pants), cloth on their heads plus (take note!) fake bling blings pa! tsk tsk tsk! sorry for being so judgmental here. sorry for the nth time.
anyway, its really weird talking about music. like what i said, its so general. oh well. cant do anything anymore. gawd i gotta sleep na.
its already 4.58am. goodnight/goodmorning!
ahhhh. who ever came up with the idea that MUSIC BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER is such a genius! the language of the soul, if i must add. sometimes you can tell a person by the type of music he or she listens to. but thats only SOMETIMES ok. music is such a vague, peculiar thing that i cant even describe it. but i love it. its my stress reliever. my instant get away. no doubt about that.
people show their emotions through music. we cry our hearts out when that suuuupppeeerr sad (and sometimes old and pathetic) song suddenly plays on the radio during our heartbroken days as if its teasing us pa. people write those super major heart warming songs about and for their loved ones when they really feel like it. cheeziness galore. grabe i think ogie alcasid and ryan cayabyab are like the veterans already when it comes to song writing. (haha i laughed when i mentioned ogie. so pathetic. hehe)we dance when we listen to a super dancy song. we scream our lungs out when we listen to those 90's OPM songs (especially of eraseheads'. to those who dont know them and their songs, gawd our age difference must be so big!) as if noone's listening. yeah right.
different people listen to different types of music.
--->take for example my dear friend jacq. she's a certified rocker (not to mention a vocalist pa). she knows all those rock bands, even the underground ones. ive always wondered how the hell do rockers know those never-played-on-the-radio songs they listen to all the time. its like when i talk to jacq about music, we really dont have anything to talk about (unless its about spice girls, backstreet boys, etc). but let her talk about music to some rocker about their music and they'd get along pretty fine. oh, and whats with rockers and their gothic looks anyway? not really connected to "music" but what the hell. even aidz got into this genre. everytime im in his car, its all raaaaahhhh! and waaaahhhH! (love you bub!) ah, the screaming voices of rock. nothing against it. just not for me i guess. all good? all good!
--->alternative for me is way better than rock. although theyre closely related, i dont know, but alternative is.. ewan. basta. i think its better. eli is an alternative kinda guy. thats why i love listening to his cds. alternative to me has something more to give than those mushy senti sh*t. alternative is so diverse yet still specific when it comes to topics. plus! most of their lyrics are deep stuff. not just those ordinary lets-rhyme-words kind of lyrics. bands could talk about serious matters concerning life and would still manage to sound really good. gawd. isnt it obvious im such a big fan?
--->senti music. high school music. haha! when i was in high school, i was so inlove with this type of music. i guess everybody was. malamang. thats the time when you start discovering the actual feeling of falling inlove, getting hurt, blah blah blah. so malamang. its when you actually relate to a senti song that you suddenly just had to download every senti song with the same idea. haaayyy now, i only listen to these kind of stuff when im actually deppressed.
--->dancey music. trance, house, hed kandi, the likes. all in all, i remember dian. my dear dear friend dian. what can i say, dancey songs could really make you stand up and dance the night/whats left of it awaY!
--->tiff for me is the biggest fan of OPM. (tama ba tiffy?) ;) hihi i love OPM too. we've got so many pinoy talents here! gotta support them first! i love eheads. too bad theyre not together anymore. i love kitchie. i love bamboo. and mojofly. (o cge na nga) and rivermaya. not spongecola sorry (but i must admit, there songs are so singable!). fine. i love mymp also! and moonstar88 sometimes. i LOVE stonefree. and the list goes on. dont be too impressed. the list is not that long. forgive me for being too honest but i HATE radioactive sago project. i think they suck. sorry again.
--->pop culture phenomena. tsk tsk tsk. sometimes, even if the song is really good, i start hating it just because the whole "masa" loves it too. uhh. im so bad. its hard kasi when its traffic and you hear jeepneys playing your current favorite song. la lang. dont get me wrong, i love pop too. secretly nga lang sometimes. how could you say you love me? i memorized the whole thing! hehe!
--->rap/hip hop. i must admit, i loved rap before. rap and hiphop could actually be okay if only we take out all poser Filipinos who actually go out of their ways just to look like rappers also. i just hate it. those Filipinos who wear big chains, baggy everything (shirt and pants), cloth on their heads plus (take note!) fake bling blings pa! tsk tsk tsk! sorry for being so judgmental here. sorry for the nth time.
anyway, its really weird talking about music. like what i said, its so general. oh well. cant do anything anymore. gawd i gotta sleep na.
its already 4.58am. goodnight/goodmorning!
Friday, June 17, 2005
same old same old
just like any other. bummer.
school days are here once again. oh school. sometimes i just want to give up school but when i really think about it, its not as if im the only person who feels that way. thats why i stay. i often times trick myself into thinking that if i dont go to school, i wont be able to see my aidz and my friends. ay nako. the things i do to force myself to go to school.
first week. nothing really exciting. same old same old. classes first then katipunan after. see. same old same old. same familiar faces. everyday its like that. its funny actually. those people you see everyday are those people who are actually like you. bummers galore. ay nako. arent we sick of seeing each other daily?
yesterday was different though cause we watched Batman Begins. finally. grabe it was the first time i ever saw eli commute. haha. saw marco at gateway. again. haay nako. when we got back to Katipunan, my loser brother was so furious. poor him he waited for me for 2 long hours. hey, it wasnt my fault. i told them to pick me up at around 6. if was there by 6pm, he wouldve waited i guess an hour less. fuck him for shouting at me. fuck him more for shouting at me infront of my friends.
the day before yesterday (i think) me jacq and sab (as usual) had nothing to do while bumming so we did this "describe the person" kind of game/trivia/whatever. it was so fun. haha. so thats how they view me pala! by the way, I AM NOT PACUTE! never! flirt cge pero pacute.. dont think so tsongs!
today. finally. saw inigo today. and jen. gawd i miss those guys. its been awhile since i last saw them. miss my ateneo barkada!!!!! uhhhh! saw their pics nga when they were at gateway the other day. felt left out na. tsk tsk tsk. i hate feeling that pa naman. other than that, another same old same old day for me.
gawd i hope therell be something new tom. dont wanna do another same old same okd journal.
school days are here once again. oh school. sometimes i just want to give up school but when i really think about it, its not as if im the only person who feels that way. thats why i stay. i often times trick myself into thinking that if i dont go to school, i wont be able to see my aidz and my friends. ay nako. the things i do to force myself to go to school.
first week. nothing really exciting. same old same old. classes first then katipunan after. see. same old same old. same familiar faces. everyday its like that. its funny actually. those people you see everyday are those people who are actually like you. bummers galore. ay nako. arent we sick of seeing each other daily?
yesterday was different though cause we watched Batman Begins. finally. grabe it was the first time i ever saw eli commute. haha. saw marco at gateway. again. haay nako. when we got back to Katipunan, my loser brother was so furious. poor him he waited for me for 2 long hours. hey, it wasnt my fault. i told them to pick me up at around 6. if was there by 6pm, he wouldve waited i guess an hour less. fuck him for shouting at me. fuck him more for shouting at me infront of my friends.
the day before yesterday (i think) me jacq and sab (as usual) had nothing to do while bumming so we did this "describe the person" kind of game/trivia/whatever. it was so fun. haha. so thats how they view me pala! by the way, I AM NOT PACUTE! never! flirt cge pero pacute.. dont think so tsongs!
today. finally. saw inigo today. and jen. gawd i miss those guys. its been awhile since i last saw them. miss my ateneo barkada!!!!! uhhhh! saw their pics nga when they were at gateway the other day. felt left out na. tsk tsk tsk. i hate feeling that pa naman. other than that, another same old same old day for me.
gawd i hope therell be something new tom. dont wanna do another same old same okd journal.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
i sometimes hate being so addicted to love. see its effect on me?
to bub:
HARDEST THINGS IN LOVE?!
Being questioned when you yourself don't understand
>i know! its so hard to give aidz fast answers when i cant even understand his point. grabe. im forever slow pa naman so i tend to misinterpret most of the things he say.
Pretending to be innocent of what you know about
>NO COMMENT
Trying to show you care
>not really. when you care, you care. when you dont care anymore, you stop caring. its as simple as that. when you pretend to care for someone even if you really dont, then you're so dead. as in deader than the dead. its so hard pretending.
Trying to forget something you know you NEVER will
>its not really the forgetting thing. its the acceptance of the partner thing thats hard. i guess noone really has to forget the notorious exes. for all you know, they could possibly be one of your bestfriends once you get to know them more (with less intimacy, of course) i believe noone could really forget someone they used to love. we could all let go of them, but definitely not forget.
Admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right
>so me! I HATE IT WHEN I EVENTUALLY REALIZE THAT IM WRONG. i got to, but i still hate it. thats what i hate about myself. i can be so close minded at times that id always have this notion that im always the "right". tsk tsk tsk. pathetic.
Debating with yourself
>i must admit. i always do this. "was i too insensitive again or was he too irrational? was i right or was he right? why did i fucking do such a stupid thing?!"
Knowing what's wrong and what's right
>wrong things seem to be more fun and easy but when you really love a person, youd want to do the right things all the time.
Growing up
>changes sometimes play a big big role in a relationship. its often times hard to accept people, especially the ones you love, grow and change. like me. i always want me and aidz to be in that "honeymoon stage" but obviously, things dont really end up the way you want them to be. but hey, i believe its better. our relationship has become stronger, making us more comfortable with each other, hance the not-so-honeymooney stage anymore. cant believe i used the word hence.
ACCEPTING the fact that some things are NOT meant TO BE
>i just have ti accept that fact. some things are not meant to be. i better be contented with what and who i have and honestly, i am.
Swallowing your pride when it has become TOO HARD and TOO BIG to even gulp it down with water
>ahhh pride. no pride = better relationships i guess.
Being the LAST TO KNOW about something that CONCERNS you most of all
>lies. deceptions. one lie after another. fast heartbeat. they all go together. partners should be open with anything and everything. i guess. i should work on that.
Realizing that you have taken the most IMPORTANT thing for granted
>thats why im never letting go of aidz. i dont wanna risk losing everything. i better not take him for granted. remember that kar!
PARTING with someone you've just LEARNED to LOVE
>we've all felt this. IT SUCKS BIG TIME right?!
Letting GO of someone you've LOVED ALL YOUR LIFE
>this sucks even more!
Saying sorry when you mean it
>i say sorry to aidz all the time even when i know he's the one who should be blamed for the fight. i just want to get things over with. cant stand fighting. cant we all just be malambing all the time?
Saying how you REALLY FEEL and Explaining WHERE YOU STAND
>being straight to the point is always better than making something up. if youre still inlove then let it all happen. if youre not then so be it. period.
Knowing what is best and yet doing the exact opposite.
>so me again! even if i know that the best thing to do is the only option, id still be willing to hurt myself (emotionally a) by doing the opposite. im always this pathetic with love.
Bracing yourself for the worst kind of pain & still hturting so much.
>no matter how much i cry, ill always be crying a river everytime i get hurt. as in everytime. gawd im such a crybaby.
Loving someone too much and learning to love the pain that goes with it... that even if you learned to let go of the person... you still go on missing the pain you once felt (and there it goes again... you fall
again)
>i guess its self explanatory already
Being with someone else when the right one comes along
>felt this before but now, naaahhhh
Knowing deep inside that you love someone yet you can't say it out loud
>my advice, just say it. itll end the what-if-i-told-him/her question
Dont say we aren't right for each other, the way i see it is.. we aren't right for anyone else
HARDEST THINGS IN LOVE?!
Being questioned when you yourself don't understand
>i know! its so hard to give aidz fast answers when i cant even understand his point. grabe. im forever slow pa naman so i tend to misinterpret most of the things he say.
Pretending to be innocent of what you know about
>NO COMMENT
Trying to show you care
>not really. when you care, you care. when you dont care anymore, you stop caring. its as simple as that. when you pretend to care for someone even if you really dont, then you're so dead. as in deader than the dead. its so hard pretending.
Trying to forget something you know you NEVER will
>its not really the forgetting thing. its the acceptance of the partner thing thats hard. i guess noone really has to forget the notorious exes. for all you know, they could possibly be one of your bestfriends once you get to know them more (with less intimacy, of course) i believe noone could really forget someone they used to love. we could all let go of them, but definitely not forget.
Admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right
>so me! I HATE IT WHEN I EVENTUALLY REALIZE THAT IM WRONG. i got to, but i still hate it. thats what i hate about myself. i can be so close minded at times that id always have this notion that im always the "right". tsk tsk tsk. pathetic.
Debating with yourself
>i must admit. i always do this. "was i too insensitive again or was he too irrational? was i right or was he right? why did i fucking do such a stupid thing?!"
Knowing what's wrong and what's right
>wrong things seem to be more fun and easy but when you really love a person, youd want to do the right things all the time.
Growing up
>changes sometimes play a big big role in a relationship. its often times hard to accept people, especially the ones you love, grow and change. like me. i always want me and aidz to be in that "honeymoon stage" but obviously, things dont really end up the way you want them to be. but hey, i believe its better. our relationship has become stronger, making us more comfortable with each other, hance the not-so-honeymooney stage anymore. cant believe i used the word hence.
ACCEPTING the fact that some things are NOT meant TO BE
>i just have ti accept that fact. some things are not meant to be. i better be contented with what and who i have and honestly, i am.
Swallowing your pride when it has become TOO HARD and TOO BIG to even gulp it down with water
>ahhh pride. no pride = better relationships i guess.
Being the LAST TO KNOW about something that CONCERNS you most of all
>lies. deceptions. one lie after another. fast heartbeat. they all go together. partners should be open with anything and everything. i guess. i should work on that.
Realizing that you have taken the most IMPORTANT thing for granted
>thats why im never letting go of aidz. i dont wanna risk losing everything. i better not take him for granted. remember that kar!
PARTING with someone you've just LEARNED to LOVE
>we've all felt this. IT SUCKS BIG TIME right?!
Letting GO of someone you've LOVED ALL YOUR LIFE
>this sucks even more!
Saying sorry when you mean it
>i say sorry to aidz all the time even when i know he's the one who should be blamed for the fight. i just want to get things over with. cant stand fighting. cant we all just be malambing all the time?
Saying how you REALLY FEEL and Explaining WHERE YOU STAND
>being straight to the point is always better than making something up. if youre still inlove then let it all happen. if youre not then so be it. period.
Knowing what is best and yet doing the exact opposite.
>so me again! even if i know that the best thing to do is the only option, id still be willing to hurt myself (emotionally a) by doing the opposite. im always this pathetic with love.
Bracing yourself for the worst kind of pain & still hturting so much.
>no matter how much i cry, ill always be crying a river everytime i get hurt. as in everytime. gawd im such a crybaby.
Loving someone too much and learning to love the pain that goes with it... that even if you learned to let go of the person... you still go on missing the pain you once felt (and there it goes again... you fall
again)
>i guess its self explanatory already
Being with someone else when the right one comes along
>felt this before but now, naaahhhh
Knowing deep inside that you love someone yet you can't say it out loud
>my advice, just say it. itll end the what-if-i-told-him/her question
Monday, June 13, 2005
memories all alone in the moonlight
edwin jan gamboa tan
we now have this big space between us. sad but true. he's been my dearest bestfriend ever since me and aidz became a couple. the rest was history.
close. nah. super close. we were, and still are, super close. dont really know whats happening now but its really fucking depressing when i think of it. weve been irritating each other constantly with our own set of hirits. tsk tsk tsk. damn those hirits.
we give each other little things. little things that matter. he might not know it but everything he gave me, i appreciate them all. i could call him my dear hero (gawd such terms!). my savior (gotta let me be with my terms, really. even i feel weird using them). if i have to name every bit of favor he did for me, damn, i could write for hours and i guess i still wont be able to mention everything. no kidding. here's a few. ^one tear from my eye and its him i call. he might not give me the best of advices but he sure could listen. ^breakup=eli. in a good way that is. he helped fix every breakup i had with aidz. ^he would treat me most of the time. though there are times when he would complain about the treating thing, he'd still do it. i love that he spoils me. he better! I SPOIL HIM TOO! (he better know that!) haha! kidding aside, i love that he's always there for me. one text that im sad and he'd go to where i am. he'd give those out of this world ideas (but hey, they actually make sense). he would always explain the guys' point of view especially when me and aidz are fighting over some pathetic thing that i (as expected) started.
i keep on thinking why we fight most of the time now. its like everything i say is a way of attacking him. so not true. why is it that a lot of the things i tell him now offends him? its never my intention to hurt his feelings. really. well if i really did hurt him, im sorry. he hurts me with his hirits too. but i let them pass even if im really hurt by them. i may smile at them but im fuckin hurt deep inside. i know they're just for laughs but there are times when i really get so paranoid by them na. i just wish he'd stop those. how i wish he'd let my hirits just pass too. when you really think about it, its kinda pathetic.
it sucks that were like this. it sucks even more that i have to write something like this. i really miss hanging out with him. yosi. inom. bum. kain. laugh trip. deep shit usap. and the likes. you get the picture.
li if you're reading this, i miss you. lets stop all this na. isnt it killing you? its obviously killing me. i miss night outs with you, me, bubba dear, and bok.
memories all alone in the moonlight
we now have this big space between us. sad but true. he's been my dearest bestfriend ever since me and aidz became a couple. the rest was history.
close. nah. super close. we were, and still are, super close. dont really know whats happening now but its really fucking depressing when i think of it. weve been irritating each other constantly with our own set of hirits. tsk tsk tsk. damn those hirits.
we give each other little things. little things that matter. he might not know it but everything he gave me, i appreciate them all. i could call him my dear hero (gawd such terms!). my savior (gotta let me be with my terms, really. even i feel weird using them). if i have to name every bit of favor he did for me, damn, i could write for hours and i guess i still wont be able to mention everything. no kidding. here's a few. ^one tear from my eye and its him i call. he might not give me the best of advices but he sure could listen. ^breakup=eli. in a good way that is. he helped fix every breakup i had with aidz. ^he would treat me most of the time. though there are times when he would complain about the treating thing, he'd still do it. i love that he spoils me. he better! I SPOIL HIM TOO! (he better know that!) haha! kidding aside, i love that he's always there for me. one text that im sad and he'd go to where i am. he'd give those out of this world ideas (but hey, they actually make sense). he would always explain the guys' point of view especially when me and aidz are fighting over some pathetic thing that i (as expected) started.
i keep on thinking why we fight most of the time now. its like everything i say is a way of attacking him. so not true. why is it that a lot of the things i tell him now offends him? its never my intention to hurt his feelings. really. well if i really did hurt him, im sorry. he hurts me with his hirits too. but i let them pass even if im really hurt by them. i may smile at them but im fuckin hurt deep inside. i know they're just for laughs but there are times when i really get so paranoid by them na. i just wish he'd stop those. how i wish he'd let my hirits just pass too. when you really think about it, its kinda pathetic.
it sucks that were like this. it sucks even more that i have to write something like this. i really miss hanging out with him. yosi. inom. bum. kain. laugh trip. deep shit usap. and the likes. you get the picture.
li if you're reading this, i miss you. lets stop all this na. isnt it killing you? its obviously killing me. i miss night outs with you, me, bubba dear, and bok.
memories all alone in the moonlight
Friday, June 10, 2005
Taker.Michael Acosta
well well well, due to popular demand (popular = taker), here's an ode to my dear friend Taker Acosta.
where to start? taker's this one diverse person so hard to describe i dont even know where to begin.
Taker = Laughter
he's one hellava funny guy. no really. he is. first time i met him, i never expected him to be quite the joker. thought of him as a really serious guy pa nga e. but as time passed by, pucha he sure could deliver those jokes! well enough to make me laugh even if he's only about to say something (joke man or not). right now, we're becoming close because of some inside jokes. haha. funny when we look at each other and know for sure what to laugh at already. tsk tsk tsk. bad but funny. thumbs up to ur funniness! u could do ur own stand-up comedy thing and for sure alex wouldnt stop laughing (like kanina)...
Taker = Theater Arts
there's this connection between taker's funniness to acting. they go perfectly together. when he delivers jokes, he makes sure that there's this im-not-trying-to-pull-a-joke kinda expression on his face. that actually makes the joke even funnier.
Taker = Bum
yup. he's an official self-proclaimed bum. hehe he loves bumming at katipunan with us. occasional smoker and hard drinker. right taker?
Taker = Cleanliness
you could never throw something improperly when you're with him. theres no chance in hell he'd let you throw trash improperly. take it from me. had one of his lectures about that before. grabe.
Taker = Loving
oh yeah. senti to. saw him love na. he did pretty well. period.
Taker = Sporty
he could shoot some hoops (oha ayos ba sa terms?) and play badminton really well! badminton buddy ko to. plus some other people. haha. oh and he loves playing basketball with "the carpenters". go taker "the baker!"
Taker = Friend
its been now lang since i really had the chance to know him as a friend. u know what i mean. we never had the chance to talk before. as in ung real, serious talk about life and the shit. i appreciate those talks actually.
Taker = Friend of Bubba
okay so i just have to put this. haha. taker is the good friend of my dear aidz!
Taker = Kewl
moccasins, kewl short shorts and almost knee-high socks are enough to attach the word KEWL to him!
oha taker! do you love it! hahahaha
where to start? taker's this one diverse person so hard to describe i dont even know where to begin.
Taker = Laughter
he's one hellava funny guy. no really. he is. first time i met him, i never expected him to be quite the joker. thought of him as a really serious guy pa nga e. but as time passed by, pucha he sure could deliver those jokes! well enough to make me laugh even if he's only about to say something (joke man or not). right now, we're becoming close because of some inside jokes. haha. funny when we look at each other and know for sure what to laugh at already. tsk tsk tsk. bad but funny. thumbs up to ur funniness! u could do ur own stand-up comedy thing and for sure alex wouldnt stop laughing (like kanina)...
Taker = Theater Arts
there's this connection between taker's funniness to acting. they go perfectly together. when he delivers jokes, he makes sure that there's this im-not-trying-to-pull-a-joke kinda expression on his face. that actually makes the joke even funnier.
Taker = Bum
yup. he's an official self-proclaimed bum. hehe he loves bumming at katipunan with us. occasional smoker and hard drinker. right taker?
Taker = Cleanliness
you could never throw something improperly when you're with him. theres no chance in hell he'd let you throw trash improperly. take it from me. had one of his lectures about that before. grabe.
Taker = Loving
oh yeah. senti to. saw him love na. he did pretty well. period.
Taker = Sporty
he could shoot some hoops (oha ayos ba sa terms?) and play badminton really well! badminton buddy ko to. plus some other people. haha. oh and he loves playing basketball with "the carpenters". go taker "the baker!"
Taker = Friend
its been now lang since i really had the chance to know him as a friend. u know what i mean. we never had the chance to talk before. as in ung real, serious talk about life and the shit. i appreciate those talks actually.
Taker = Friend of Bubba
okay so i just have to put this. haha. taker is the good friend of my dear aidz!
Taker = Kewl
moccasins, kewl short shorts and almost knee-high socks are enough to attach the word KEWL to him!
oha taker! do you love it! hahahaha
no drive?
sabby dear, here's a reply to ur
journal...
i dont think we dont have the drive to do anything. come to think of it, we have all the drive we need to actualize something. watever that something is, we'll eventually find it.
we've done too many brainstormings already. from becoming party planners to sellers to networkers even. one thing's for sure, we're craving for something that would actually make us famous, elitista posers even. just wait. our time will come!
we're such bums we could do something productive with our oh-so-prolonged time. we just need to act on things. we gotta stop being such bums and start making something creative, fun, funky and cool!.. just like us! haha!
cant wait
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
killing me softly with boredom
boredom is slowly YET SURELY taking the fun out of me. im terribly unbelievably scourgingly helplessly bored!
went out with aidz yesterday to watch sin city. it was actually good! still cant get over the fact that i want aidz to call me goldy.. haha HOW I LOVE GOLDY! went to sab's place after. who else could i count on when it comes to bumness anyway? (right sab?!) we went to ukay ukay. i had to. i mean i needed to. i needed a new jacket!. hey, if other girls love their shoes, i love my jackets! cant seem to be contented with all that i have. would that make me a sinner now?! i just gotta buy a new one everytime even if its from ukay lang. thats my weakness right there, so buzz off you judgmental people!
when i got home from ukay, total boredom once again! gawd cant people just turn their houses into something more fun so that less teenagers would wanna go out?!?! i just couldnt take the boredom i get at home. its just too much. good thing eli called around 10pm i think. at around 12am, he and taker were on their way to my house. went to bubba's house after. when we got there, we did what 85% of us would normally do at home..... watch TV. we upgraded ours. we watched DVDS. wow like thats such a big thing.. ya ya so it was another bum night (midnight pala) but at least i had people with me to do that! went home around 3.30am
TODAY IS A FREAKIN BORING DAY. i stayed home the whole time! tssssss okay so its not like the end of the world but its definitely close! the freakin problem is that i couldnt do anything about it! no money, more problem! i cant go anywhere! pucha
dont get me wrong here. im not as "maalis" or "gala" as you think. just couldnt stay inside my house. hard to explain.
fuck sab. i think i better do my own hello, stranger thing.
went out with aidz yesterday to watch sin city. it was actually good! still cant get over the fact that i want aidz to call me goldy.. haha HOW I LOVE GOLDY! went to sab's place after. who else could i count on when it comes to bumness anyway? (right sab?!) we went to ukay ukay. i had to. i mean i needed to. i needed a new jacket!. hey, if other girls love their shoes, i love my jackets! cant seem to be contented with all that i have. would that make me a sinner now?! i just gotta buy a new one everytime even if its from ukay lang. thats my weakness right there, so buzz off you judgmental people!
when i got home from ukay, total boredom once again! gawd cant people just turn their houses into something more fun so that less teenagers would wanna go out?!?! i just couldnt take the boredom i get at home. its just too much. good thing eli called around 10pm i think. at around 12am, he and taker were on their way to my house. went to bubba's house after. when we got there, we did what 85% of us would normally do at home..... watch TV. we upgraded ours. we watched DVDS. wow like thats such a big thing.. ya ya so it was another bum night (midnight pala) but at least i had people with me to do that! went home around 3.30am
TODAY IS A FREAKIN BORING DAY. i stayed home the whole time! tssssss okay so its not like the end of the world but its definitely close! the freakin problem is that i couldnt do anything about it! no money, more problem! i cant go anywhere! pucha
dont get me wrong here. im not as "maalis" or "gala" as you think. just couldnt stay inside my house. hard to explain.
fuck sab. i think i better do my own hello, stranger thing.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
im such a hypocrite
ok so i take back everything i said AGAIN. i love aidz. even with all his imperfections, i still love him.
li, thanks for comin' over. still know i could always count on you. sorry for the hassle. you know il always love you too! THANKS FOR THE EFFORT
pagaling nako! im gonna get my real life back! no more house bum for me!
goodbye you cruel boring life!
li, thanks for comin' over. still know i could always count on you. sorry for the hassle. you know il always love you too! THANKS FOR THE EFFORT
pagaling nako! im gonna get my real life back! no more house bum for me!
goodbye you cruel boring life!
his sh*t is bananas! b-a-na-na-s!!!!
i now take back everything i said about aidz from my last journal. cant believe he's back to this again. i dont give a damn if he reads this.
ok sa il base our fight from an email i just got awhile ago.
8 WAYS TO HANDLE AN ARGUMENT
1. GIVE YOUR PARTNER ENOUGH SPACE TO VOICE HIS CONCERNS
im gawd damn sick cant u understand aidz? do you even care? im here all alone in my bedroom with nothing to do but blow my brains out with this role of tissue and your first concern is that stupid game of yours? how can you play dota THINKING that your SICK girlfriend is waiting for you! never asked you to come to me yesterday. all i wanted was for you to talk to me. well you did actually but we ended up fighting anyway.
2. Make an extra effort to really understand what you partner is trying to say.
what were you trying to say anyway? look, the fact of the matter is, inuna mo yang dota mo for me and you know that. tapos today, you should have gotten here like half a day ago but nooooo... you slept all the way til 6.30pm! how concerned could you be!? i called like 100 times (both cellphone and landline) but you never answered any call. instead, you asked people to tell me that you were sleeping and that you didnt want to be bothered. wow. congrats.
3. Don't say something you'll regret later.
ok so i did say some nasty things. but hey, of all people, you're the king of that i guess. im sorry. some were meant to tell the truth while some were actually meant to hurt you. i really wanted to hurt you. sad but true. i just want you to feel and understand how much you hurt me. call it payback but im really really sorry. never wanted to hurt you, really.
4. Don't bring in past woes.
oh no! not bringing dota into the conversation is something il regret in the near future so id rather tell it to him over and over again until he realizes his mistakes! fuck i sound like a mother.
5. Learn to compromise.
and i always did. he does too but why cant he compromise now that im sick?
6. Realize that no matter what you say, you both may not agree on the issue at hand.
this one's a fact. we're both close minded. but he gets the bigger portion of that. are men really that close minded especially when they know they're wrong? biggest flaw of men: turning the tables around on women, blaming them for the mistakes they know they did.
7. Make a commitment to talk about the situation until it is handled.
there's no real conversation with aidz when we're both angry.
8. Make your relationship with your partner your first concern when you are in the middle of a disagreement.
how i wish. how i wish
ok sa il base our fight from an email i just got awhile ago.
8 WAYS TO HANDLE AN ARGUMENT
1. GIVE YOUR PARTNER ENOUGH SPACE TO VOICE HIS CONCERNS
im gawd damn sick cant u understand aidz? do you even care? im here all alone in my bedroom with nothing to do but blow my brains out with this role of tissue and your first concern is that stupid game of yours? how can you play dota THINKING that your SICK girlfriend is waiting for you! never asked you to come to me yesterday. all i wanted was for you to talk to me. well you did actually but we ended up fighting anyway.
2. Make an extra effort to really understand what you partner is trying to say.
what were you trying to say anyway? look, the fact of the matter is, inuna mo yang dota mo for me and you know that. tapos today, you should have gotten here like half a day ago but nooooo... you slept all the way til 6.30pm! how concerned could you be!? i called like 100 times (both cellphone and landline) but you never answered any call. instead, you asked people to tell me that you were sleeping and that you didnt want to be bothered. wow. congrats.
3. Don't say something you'll regret later.
ok so i did say some nasty things. but hey, of all people, you're the king of that i guess. im sorry. some were meant to tell the truth while some were actually meant to hurt you. i really wanted to hurt you. sad but true. i just want you to feel and understand how much you hurt me. call it payback but im really really sorry. never wanted to hurt you, really.
4. Don't bring in past woes.
oh no! not bringing dota into the conversation is something il regret in the near future so id rather tell it to him over and over again until he realizes his mistakes! fuck i sound like a mother.
5. Learn to compromise.
and i always did. he does too but why cant he compromise now that im sick?
6. Realize that no matter what you say, you both may not agree on the issue at hand.
this one's a fact. we're both close minded. but he gets the bigger portion of that. are men really that close minded especially when they know they're wrong? biggest flaw of men: turning the tables around on women, blaming them for the mistakes they know they did.
7. Make a commitment to talk about the situation until it is handled.
there's no real conversation with aidz when we're both angry.
8. Make your relationship with your partner your first concern when you are in the middle of a disagreement.
how i wish. how i wish
Friday, June 03, 2005
some things are just for keeps
i hate being sick. my head right now throbs like it would never throb again. my body is weaker than a vegetable. okay so im exaggerating. but i really feel weak. for some reason, i cant eat that much. that sucks by the way. i cant go out. i cant play badminton. basta. it all boils down to one thing.. being sick SUCKS BIG TIME!
when im sick, thats when i actually feel more loved. thats when i feel more special. my mom asked the maid to cook every food i wanted the whole day. when i didnt eat the food i asked for, she had to order food pa. my dad's really concerned as well. everytime i bump into him he's like "are you ok na?" well then. i guess behind all our everyday fights, they really do love me.
aidz. he's such an angel. i tried to make tantrums awhile ago thinking that he wont visit me while im sick. so (as expected) the baby that i am forced me to let him go here and bring me dvds only to find out that he was planning to surprise me tomorrow. wow. thats what i get for being such a baby. ruining everybodys plan. i hatge myself. if only i waited. nevertheless, thank you for the thought bubba! CANT BE MORE THANKFUL FOR YOU AND ALL YOU DO...
people can touch you're heart without you actually realizing it.
cheezy ko today. i guess thats another thing when im sick.
when im sick, thats when i actually feel more loved. thats when i feel more special. my mom asked the maid to cook every food i wanted the whole day. when i didnt eat the food i asked for, she had to order food pa. my dad's really concerned as well. everytime i bump into him he's like "are you ok na?" well then. i guess behind all our everyday fights, they really do love me.
aidz. he's such an angel. i tried to make tantrums awhile ago thinking that he wont visit me while im sick. so (as expected) the baby that i am forced me to let him go here and bring me dvds only to find out that he was planning to surprise me tomorrow. wow. thats what i get for being such a baby. ruining everybodys plan. i hatge myself. if only i waited. nevertheless, thank you for the thought bubba! CANT BE MORE THANKFUL FOR YOU AND ALL YOU DO...
people can touch you're heart without you actually realizing it.
cheezy ko today. i guess thats another thing when im sick.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)