girlosophy

the art of living.
(got this from dd's blog)

*appreciate the smallest things
*be gracious in both victory and defeat
*you need butterflies in your heart, not your stomach
*failure is not an option, because ot doesn't exist
*when it comes to falling in love: no chase, no trying too hard, no obsession, just let it be
*a bestfriend forgives foibles, overlooks shortcomings, and accepts, even cherishes idiosyncrasies
*keep your heart sweet
*let it flow, there's nothing wrong with tears
*choose to be happy, you have the power
*clean up your act, edit your life. keep what is useful, important, and beautiful
*learn to be alone. it helps you grow
*believe in magic, you walk in it


life is beautiful if you let it be beautiful. beauty shouldn't just be an opinion, it's a state of mind. one rule i live by: always think you're beautiful. if you think of yourself as anything less than that, then how could other people see your beauty? find those things that make you beautiful, both inside and out, and enhance it. i read this line from my starbucks planner (haha bragging) awhile ago: when you find your favorite, your favorite becomes you.

SWEET HOLIDAYS EVERYONE. ;)

here we go

christmas break once again! cheers to the happy holidays we all should be experiencing!
my christmas jitters are all gone. im loving the season already.

- got the 'glow' bloom cream that ive long been wanting, thanks to chris rabonza! such a sweetie
- sab gave me a nice top. wore it already honey.
- thea and moya's party drew's. it was all fun before someone stole her nice phone. sayang.
- joseph's party was nice. everybody was there. oh, and that famous trupo of his was present too. tss.
- my ateneo barkada party was a blast. though only three of us actually followed the 'wear white top' rule, we all had a great time. loved the food. i ate so much i had to vommit. missed my bitches!
- quattro with eli, jp, sab, and moch. surprisingly, a lot of people we knew were there! gail and pio. reji and the gang. weird night. we stayed there til the waiters were actually cleaning up already.
- one bad thing though, im missing aidz. he went to hongkong with his family. bummer. missing him already (even though he was gone for at least 5 hours pa lang)
- tonette, my true blue new yorker cousin, will be spending christmas here with us. gotta prepare for that. ;)

christmas jitters

its getting colder, im getting sicker.

yup, christmas is slowly taking over my entire system, telling me its THE time for gift giving. i hate it. im totally broke. i barely have enough money for gifts. making my christmas list is now harder, and must i add, more challenging. when you have little money for others, you'll be forced to be a little bit wiser and a lot more kuripot than usual. it's either you give only pricey gifts to people really close to you, or you go shopping for somewhat non-sense gifts for everybody.

my list is definitely shorter this year. :( reality bites. i used to give gifts to everyone i love. its just saddening whenever you downgrade your anything. i hate that my christmas list is the one i have to downgrade this year. it's always fun to give gifts, and for someone who loves receiving knick knacks, i feel somewhat obliged to repay everyone the little joys they give me.

i know, i know. the world is not that materialistic and if morrie (of tuesdays with morrie) was to talk to me right now, he'd say that material things are for-the-meantime kind of happiness only. yada-yada. all i want is for everybody to receive the stuff they really want. im really bummed that i can't give everyone that. sigh.

i have one hand in my pocket, and the other one is giving a peace sign.

jologs

fine. guilty as charged. watched the big night of pinoy big brother. hated wency cordero (whatever his name is) and willie revillame. such posers. loved marielle's dresses though.

anyway, since i was in the jologs mood once again, i tried watching master showman. yah. the famous walang tulugan. saw hero and alas, i was once again amazed by his charm. this is what i get for being at home on a RAINY saturday night.

here's my list of jologs favorites:
- i have a crush on hero angeles. shut up.
- i love tagalog movies. as a matter of fact, i watch a lot of filipino stuff. i just never went ballistic over telenovelas. im not really fond of them. well, except when F4 was the talk of the town. ha! went crazy over that show. who would have thought asianovelas would actually click.
- i love showbiz talks.
- i religiously watch sop-asap every sunday.
- id rather take the risk of shopping in 168mall or tutuban just to get the cheapest, yet still as nice as the expensive clothes ever.
- i love alessandra de rossi. (did i spell her name correctly?)
- i get starstruck whenever i see showbiz people.
i know there are lots more, but im too lazy to even think.

i need a break.

3 ways to be happy

learned this from my dear gi ;)

1. count your blessings
2. stay away from the people who hurt you
3. shit, i forgot. gi help!

emails

we were never really the email sending kind of couples. this message was different though. mushy, yes. its the effort from him that i'm more happy about.

from aidz:
14 things i'll do for my bubba
1. tell her she looks pretty
2. write her a note
3. just walk around with her
4. let her fall asleep in your arms
5. CALL HER
6. call her back if she calls you
7. get her ad then kiss her
8. give her space if she needs it
9. stay up with her all night
10. when shes sad, hangout with her
11. stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything
12. look into her eyes
13. sit outside with her & look at the stars
14. kiss her in the rain

thank you.

idlip

in the arms of make-believe, sleep will set you free

finding that spark

i was sick, so forgive me for being so moody. my last post was so emo. i guess id have to make bawi (tss. conyo shit) with some emo stuff too.

sorry. i wasn't thinking. im moody when im sick and you know that. you know how i am. basta. next time im sick, give me more attention. i promise, ill be that pathetic but SWEET (not grouchy anymore) bed-ridden loser waiting for your call the next time something like that happens. you make me happy, i hope you know that.
on other matters.....

i was talking to my dearest friend awhile ago. we talked about how hard it is to ignore the feeling of boredom when you're in a serious, long term relationship. reality slap people, it can be boring at a certain point, but that doesn't mean that everything has to end at that moment. steadiness is part of the whole relationship idea. that's what i learned from my dear aidz. he said that if a person's not willing to be steady with another person, then there's no point in continuing the relationship. when you get restless after 2 years of being together, then you'll definitely gonna be more restless 3, or even 10, years more. being steady has its ups. it makes you become more comfortable and safe with each other. it allows you to have someone as an easy outlet for whatever emotion it is you're having. in truth, being in a steady relationship makes you feel more confident too. blah blah blah.

i sometimes wonder if steadiness is the reason why there are commitment phobic people. i dont get them actually, how can you be scared of commitment when you havent given it a shot with that person? no relationship is the same, so why generalize love right? who knows, that next one might be the one.

the solution to boredom? find different ways of expressing your deep love for each other. this one's tricky. sab and i have been trying to look for perfect solutions for couples, but some are just so hard to actualize. so, here's what we've thought of as of now:
1. try a new sport together. (it works! its even fun when you're both competitive)
2. eat/go somewhere you dont usually go to. (being in a new environment gives you that 'we just had a different experience today' kind of feeling)
3. get drunk together. (there are lots of fun stuff you can do when you're wasted!)
4. renovate each other's rooms (well... )
5. go somewhere far and exciting
6. do the unusual (do things for him that you do not normally do. in my case, i have been dreaming of that day when i actually cook aidz that meal he's been long been wanting. sad to say, i dont cook AT ALL. maybe someday)
7. talk for hours about anything under the sun. phone conversations are definitely a no-no. its a lot more meaningful when you're together.
8. go wacky! do crazy stuff together like dance in the middle of who cares where. (ok, so im the only one who does that. its fun, try it.)


found this one in my Theology131 book:
It is when a couple falls out of love that they may begin to really love; real love does not have its roots in a feeling of love. To the contrary, real lvoe occurs in a context in which the feeling of lvoe is lacking, when we act lovingly despite the fact that we don't feel loving. Real love is permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling inlove is not - M. Scott Peck

who's to blame?

no, we're definitely not cool.

you want me to actually believe that you care when you, ONCE AGAIN, (let me guess) 'accidentally' slept while waiting for your sister to stop using the phone? you said so yourself, im sick and i need my rest. well guess what, im still sick and im still awake.

oh and yes, im blaming you for my being like this right now.

its a family thing

fuck. its been like this ever since. it just got a whole lot worse when i got out of ateneo. fuck.

nobody in the family knows even 5% of me, so they dont have the fuckin right to tell me who i am and what i should do. im so pissed off right now with everyone, especially my parents. just a sight of me would make them say two paragraphs of useless shit about my so-called useless life.

my dad has finally absorbed the fact that his words are nothing compared to my mom's. he has officially joined the under-the-saya organization. if thats what he wants, good luck then. nothing is as hell as letting my mom have full control of your life. i hope he's happy coz im definitely not. ive spent 4 years in college and its the first time my dad said no to every gimik i was supposed to go to. fuck. 'this time around, when i say no, no na kagad wag mo ng pilitin pa!' tangna. after tasting the sweet yes from him everytime i asked permission to go anywhere, that's what he's gonna tell me? he says ive had enough. enough of what? parties? tss. its not as if i go out every weekend! (well...) tangna, i go out but its not like i go around getting high all the time. i am not an addict. so sorry to let them down, but im really not. they think i am, thats stupid. tss. ever since he said no to that overnight at sab's, i said goodbye to talking to him. don't think ill be changing that soon.

i never talk to my mom. its pointless. obviously, we are far from being the gilmore girls (not that i want us to be). a sentence-long conversation is for us to start shouting at each other. she'll never understand me, that's for sure. she has a million things to say in everything i do: 1.my ukay ukay clothers are demonic cause eventually, ill be getting the bad characteristics of the last person who wore them. 2.when she sees my eyes watery, droopy, and all that jazz, she'll conclude that ive been taking drugs and shit. 3.i never made and will make wise decisions. 4.im a fuckin liar 5.im not as smart as everyone else 6. im the most deviant child a parent could ever want 7.i burn their money by buying useless stuff 8.im more fat than her 9.my friends are as fucked up as me 9.i have no right to anything 10-?..endless shit man. wow. moms are supposed to be their daughters' friends but nooo. we never had friendship to begin with. i know my limitations cause she said so: 'di mo ko kabarkada, nanay mo ko. remember that.' tangna she sure could count on that!

now, my brother. its a love-hate relationship, so its kinda the same with everyone naman. i just hate it when there's that favoritism shit again. scenario: parent's room. we both asked for money cause we both had lakads to go to. i get P100 and a mom shouting telling me how irresponsible i am for not having money for my own lakads, while he gets P500-1000 and a mom asking him if that's enough or not. wwhhhaatt-ttthhheee-fffuuuccckkk?! its been like that ever since they've proven the genius in him. no to my tagaytay outing, but yes to his batangas trip. no to using the driver, but yes to letting him use the driver, even the pajero, until wee hours of the morning. i know that he's definitely proven himself worthy of the armani and lacoste shirts she's been getting almost all the time, but it just feels so wrong sometimes. there should never ever be that kind of treatment when it comes to kids, if you ask me.

now, down to one. trish. my favorite familymate. she's definitely a sweetheart, but when my mom's around, trish is as 'angelic' as her. i love her dearly. i just hate that suck up side of hers.

now, here's my side of the story. i am not deliquent, just misunderstood. they think i make wrong decisions, maybe i do. but that never stopped me from doing something productive, intelligent, creative, and useful. oh and by the way, im smart. that's a fact. no dumb person would pass acet by luck or chance. though im not there anymore, i stayed for exactly 5 semesters. my friends are not fucked up. i love them cause theyre the best people in the world. i love going out cause its where im happy. im never happy when im with my family. i know that sucks, but thats that. i never care where im going, as long as its not with them. ive had a million attempts of leaving the house, but i never could. i try to get high grades now, i really am. i love ukay ukay. for the past years, ive never asked them to buy me anything, so they cant tell me that all i ever do is beg for something. i live with the little money they give me, even when i know na nananadya lang sila. i cry all the time. i shout cause im never heard. its always there side, and never mine. im silent when im with them cause the things i say never matter anyway.

they say they know me. tss. who the fuck are they fooling?

steady

everything's okay now. im calm, im contented.

it's gonna be QUITE different this time around. i think i want to let go of the 'always crying' side i have perfected and/or mastered through time. it's so hard to turn your whole world away from the person who means the whole world to you. anyhoo. that's why im staying. im not a fool. i want to stay, so i will.

glad that we're okay. happy that we're happy. tss.

foolish

see my days are cold without you, but im hurting while im with you. and though my heart cant take no more i keep on coming back to you.

fuck. weird experience saturday night. was it a taste of reality? f.

a paradox

was at Quattro last Thursday night. my girls were there: sab and gi. we had to go out. we all had our own reasons for wanting, no,i think the perfect word would be NEEDING to go out. lex and the others were there. gawd, chubi was there too. proud, NORMAL, pathetic shit. anyway, i had fun. in fact, i had so much fun! its been awhile since i last went out with a new set of people. my nights would usually be with the claret boys or my ateneo friends. im not complaining. its just so refreshing being around people you don't really know that well. gawd. such a memorable night. thanks sab. thanks gi. you made me smile.

--

on the other hand

--

im sad. nothing's going right.
i try to keep it together, but im sooo falling apart.


im so tired, i feel so uninspired. i scared of this feeling.

waiting

everyone's doing their all souls day thing, while im left here sitting infront of my laptop waiting for something exciting to happen.

i hate being this overly sensitive, emotional jerk. everytime i can't contact anyone close to me, i feel like everyone else is in another planet having the time of their lives, while im all alone in one room, scared and terrified. fuck imagination. i imagine a lot of things when i feel im alone. sometimes, when im so into the whole rain + tears thing, i go to my brother's balcony, feel the mist of the supposedly cold rain, light a cigarette, listen to the most dramatic song i could find in my mp3 player, and cry myself a river. pathetic right? i know. there are just those weird things that you do in your life that are so hard to remove, 'cause fact the matter is, they make you happy (or at least calm) however weird they may be.

since im into the 'my weird practices' now, this may be the perfect and only time i admit to people the weird things i do:
1. just like any other girl, i sing and dance infront of the mirror when im alone. i even use an improvised mic during my so-called concerts.
2. i can never take a bath without a radio. i take this very seriously.
3. i cry infront of the mirror.
4. i cannot sleep without rubbing my feet, especially my right foot, anywhere soft.
5. i pee before every movie i watch. even when im home watching dvds, i piss before a movie starts.
6. i love eating / drinking gravy.
7. my voice AUTOMATICALLY turns malambing everytime i ask favors from people
8. i like hearing tori amos' song when eli is driving very fast at night
9. im kinikilig everytime aidz runs his fingers through my hair
10. i eat noodles with rice
11. i shake my legs whenever i beg aidz to stop being so mad at me for whatever reason
12. i pluck religiously.
13. i don't let anyone touch my eyebrows
14. i don't like people touching my arms.
15. i keep a list of people i love and hate
16. i keep receipts
17. i keep every little thing people i love give me, may it be from tetra packs to candy wrappers
18. whenever i watch teeny bopper movies, i pretend that im the lead girl there.
19. i panic when i see snakes
20. there are floors that i just cant even look at. i call them the icky/kadiri floors
21. i automatically roll my eyes when i see a car + windows down + loud hip hop music + an ugly driver smoking wearing either a cap or his imitation shades. could anything / anyone be more jologs?
22. i read letters of people when im lonely

omg. i could go on and on. but that would suck, right? oohh i hate waiting. hey people! c'mon. im so bored. this night is one of those nights.

i feel alone. i really do.

blast from the past

the moment i got home from china, i havent had the time to blog. i missed it actually. so i owe it to myself to update this pseudo diary of mine. here's what's been happening:

(hey saby, ill be using your technique also)
Oct 24- got home around 1am from the airport. i tried calling aidz to let him know that im home. he wasn't answering the phone so i called eli instead. he told sab after. minutes after calling eli, sab called me. i asked her to come over and to my surprise, she actually did. we ended up talking from 2am-6am about stuff. i love talking to sab!

that afternoon, she went with me to mc. haha. funny sab! she got caught or something. it's so hilarious that whenever i think about it, i still laugh my heart out! aidz then picked us up at starbucks. we ate at baang. eli followed then we watched deuce bigalow.

after the movie, we went to sab's house where gi was waiting. gail followed also. we played the Mad Lib game. it was quite entertaining actually. went home early coz my dad was calling me already.

25 - bummed with sab at starbucks, morato 'til late in the afternoon. aidz went to my house around 8pm. i had fun. missed our moments together. we watched that pathetic movie "a --blah-- shame" that i borrowed from sab. it was soooooooo pathetic. aidz went home around 2am, i think.

26 - went to stacbucks morato with sab. gail and gi followed. gail was so entertaning! it's such a nice feeling being with new people once in awhile. thanks to gail and the free coffee plus the free ride.

27 - went to celeb with gail, gi, sab, lex, and ryan. we were supposed to swim at my house but since celeb is free also, dun nalang! i finally had the chance to live one of my dreams! sab, gi, and i played under the rain! shit. i hope nobody knows about my monoblock scattering. hehe. swimming was so much fun even if sab, ryan, and i didnt really swim. lex, gail, and gi were sooo serious about doing those laps. sorry guys, not really my thing. oh and i love the diving part. i hope saby loved it too.. hhihihihihi

28 - sab and jack went to my house. jene made an appearance also. when jack went home, sab and i tried on some clothes for the trick or treat thing here in galleria. we ended up pretending that we're princesses. ;) trish and i won prizes. around 9pm, we went to esgue's house. that was so much fun. i love his room. it's so.. well, cool. we went back to the 90's that night. i now know why i had a crush on nick carter. gawd. boy bands sure did look cute then!

29 - went to visit my lola in the afternoon. we ate at causeway, banawe after. drei picked me up there around 9pm. we followed bubba and the others. they had this dota competition that lasted until 11.30 that night. they won, by the way. im so proud of aidz! anyway, we went to arcadia around 1 am. i had this minor problem when i got there. good thing i had angels: patty and isa. i had so fun that night. gi, i love you too! went home around 4am but i got in my house around 5am already.

30 - finally! a time for myself!

china

its been awhile since i went out of the country. come oct 19, i was having butterflies in my stomach. it seemed impossible for me to absorb the idea that i was going with by bestfriend ning, but when i saw her at the airport, it was finally clear. i was in for a great trip!

now, retelling everything would just be a drag so here's a simpler list:

Chinese things that made me go 'no shit?!':
1. their lavatories are the grossest restrooms ive ever seen in my entire life
2. chinese girls have the same taste in fashion as mine and sab's. seeing all their pormas killed me. i wanted almost everything they wore!
3. never go to china during oct. all you'll be seeing will be winter season clothes. so much for shopping.
4. they love drinking, may it be beer or tea.
5. .. but they'll never give you a glass of water unless you ask for it. and when the water is actually there, all you'll be getting is a steaming glass of water.
6. filipinos, however bastos they can get, are way better than chinese when it comes to values.
7. chinese girls either have soft, straight hair or curly, scary hair
8. you can drive as fast as 140 and still not notice how fast you are.
9. chinese people think im beautiful! (that's the best part!) haha.
10. they have hotels where you can smoke anywhere you want. fuck those insensitive guys who smoked inside the elevators.

china wasn't that great, at least for me, but the people im with were such happy people! looking forward to more out of the country trips with my friends from now on. right mar?
ning, goodmownin!

happy hour

finally. sneaking time once again. it's been awhile since i officially sneaked out of the house. my mom knew about the midnight sneaks two months ago so she had no choice but to let me go out every weekend. she said it was better than sneaking out of the house around 11pm. she was never that strict when i was in ateneo. come to think of it, she was not at all strict when i was there. it just so happened that things didn't turn out the way WE planned it to be, so i guess she had to put discipline in my system again.

the new go-out-every-weekend plan worked, but it wasn't that exciting. there were even times when i didn't want to go out at all. so much for freedom.

felt the excitement yesterday, though. we went to sab's house around 12am. aidz, eli, taker and bok picked me up. i think overwhelmed is the right word to describe the feeling when i saw bok. missed him. anyway, adi followed and bea (sab's sister) woke up just to see eli. and of course to be with me, duh. haha.

i had fun, even if i didnt drink that much. sorry saby, i let you down last night. bawi some other time?

a toast to you all.

each time

why am i getting all these goodbyes?

we nearly broke up this morning... for the nth time. thank god we didn't. it was nobody's fault. everything was clouded by misunderstadings and wrong impressions. nothing too serious. thank god again.

to bubba, it was nice seeing you again after two days. i really missed you.

----
got my grades yesterday. they were good, but not that impressive.

get this guys: i think im becoming so sick of katipunan. i still love it, though. its just the same aura everyday. i just cant help go there. it's such a "home" to me.

was with taker drei jacq and jc at cantina yesterday. that was interesting. went to eli's after to kill time.

li, i was touched when you opened the aircon while i was sleeping. nothing really big, but i was touched. drei deary, thanks for bringing us home.

im so lucky i got sweet friends.
--

oh my god. gotta bounce (yah. the term. but everybody's using it so what the hell). gonna go to sab's place pa.

shake it off

my body hurts big time. alexy, i think im becoming a lola also. i honestly need a rocking chair. yesterday was the most tiring day i've had since summer. when i woke up this morning, i felt like my body was paralyzed and the only thing that i can move was my head. good thing i can move a little now. i know i did bad yesterday. fyi, its the first time i auditioned for anything, and i didnt give my best. i think i did, but i know now that i couldve done something more. tsk. tsk. tsk.

i have such nice guy friends. i wouldnt trade them for the world. even if to them, im one super gaslaw girl who could punch them anytime i want, they still treat me like a princess when aidz is not around. thanks ELI (you're here na), drei, and jp. you have big hearts.

***
moved the trip to oct 20. fuck. wont be able to watch a gig. haha.


***
im having weird feelings about everything again.

***
my parents are bugging me, as always for no reason at all. im so irritated right now.

currently loving: craig david
**feeling like a fool 'cause i let you down.

hoohoo

i dont think i deserve this sembreak.

this last sem has been the lightest, stress-free sem ive ever had. much as i love doing nothing, there are times when i like to be challenged also.

OMG! im off to china on the 23rd. im so psyched about it 'coz its gonna be the very first time im out of a country with an actual friend. in fact, its my bestfriend who's coming with me (along with my parents, that is). but still, its a whole different thing. its usually the family who's with me, and its usually the extended family that we visit. this time, its gonna be me, ning, my parents, and her parents visiting noone but the country itself. our parents are there for business purposes, we're there to make up for all the time we didn't spend together because of school.
ive been having butterflies since last night. i can't wait..

mar, i hope you could come.

---

to my dear sister PATRICIA ROSE SANGALANG, you're our princess, my twin.

a magical day to you! i love you! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEARY!

tragedy

there are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, and one is to gain it - one tree hill

when i heard that line, i dont know whether to mourn or be happy. it's so true that my life's highlights flashbacked all of a sudden the moment i heard it. they really are tragedies. life is so unfair. it never gives you everything you want. fine, got the point. but can there be times when you can get the best of both worlds? c'mon. even a second or two would be worth all the effort.

its so hard to meet someone you can get along with. its not just the typical "oh we both like spaghetti" kind of connection. its the deeper one. its when you look at the person and you, for some reason, know what he/she is thinking of. its when you laugh at the silliest things, even when all of your other friends think there's nothing funny at all. its when you know you can't sleep without hearing the person's voice. its when you appreciate the littlest of efforts, 'cause that person never really does anything sweet to anyone. its when he/she never tells you his/her exact feelings, but you never really need to hear them. you just know. even when all your friends tell you its nothing at all, you know there's something. and that dear something is the one that keeps you holding on to the last minute.

these kind of people, the ones who make you smile just by thinking of them, pass by only once in our lives. it may last for years, it may last for days. it doesn't really matter. knowing them is an extraordinary experience already.

they'll go eventually. that's the downside. i know they'll go. and when they go, itll hurt. itll hurt a lot. but that hurt wont let us keep crying oceans. itll eventually tells us in the long run that when you had something that with the person, it was good. in fact, "it was the best".

loving - if thats what you call tragedy, then give me tragedy. --payton

to my dear friends who i saw crying just this week, i hope you guys are okay.

uh-oh

friday. was at drew's with mc friends. went home drunk. vomitted all over the place. great kar. next time no more 12 shots in 1 hour. i had fun though.

saturday. went to alex' birthday thing at promenade, greenhills with sab aidz and jp. some of the bitches were there. i missed them! jm, jojie, wanx.. its been awhile since i last saw my ateneo barkada. oh and luigi was there ;)

went to raymond's after. sad to say but it was one of the most boring parties ive ever been to. sorry raymond. i really am.

went to mr. kabab around 3am to eat. amazingly, it was sab and i who were hungry again and not eli nor aidz. my gawd, lundle was there. how unexpected was that?!

wattanight.

sunday. terribly sick ;( i really am. im so dead for my two finals on monday. tsk. ive been trying to study for the past 8 hours but i guess my body can never understand that tomorrow is finals week. ive been lying all day long and i hate it. i want to study but i really cant. other than the two exams, i have a scrapbook to pass. wow.

lesson learned. never go out on a weekend if the week right after that is your finals week.

hear ye.

i suddenly remembered what you did. oh what big eyes you have! my gawd deary, the better to eat you with! im laughing out loud now.

here's the thing. i really want to go to amapulo. looked at some of the pictures awhile ago and it was breathtaking. i hope someone would bring me there. ahem. tss how i wish. i despise elites and their so-called lifestyle. they can go anywhere they want, without even thinking of the money they'll be spending. as to my own expenses, i dont even know if i have one. i literally ask my friends, especially you jacq, to treat me every single day. my money has been declining drastically and i hate it! someday sab, someday. we'll be rich and famous. im gonna be living that im-gonna-meet-a-hollywoodguy someday.

as for now, all i should be worrying about is my finals. but then again, i really don't give a damn about that, so why bother? got my clearance already. fuck! P500 as penalty for the seminars i wasnt able to attend to! fuck. all for the sake of the that lame exam pass.

went to jack's gig last monday at kublais. finally! according to jacq, "wala na kayong lusot ni sab". it was kinda weird seeing your friend sing on stage. it was even weirder knowing that jacq was THE friend who sang on stage. but you were great jacq, and im proud of you. sab and i are. just dont expect us to always show up on one your gigs. you know how we are. ;)

everything's back to normal with me and aidz. i was so scared it wouldnt. thank god. that was close.

sept 26, 2005

happy birthday vernice!

torn

nothings right, im torn.

been thinking a lot these past few days. found out a lot too. some things were so far out, some were basically normal.

i honestly dont know what to do. should i or should i not? its all so complicated. i want to sometimes, but i cant. i definitely cant.

how i hope everything will be back to normal soon.

to my dear friends who always listen, you have big hearts. i love you.

eli's favorite number

List your eight favorite songs and then pick eight people to do the same.

*aly you're such a sweetie! request granted.

1. I'LL BE - Edwin McCain (nakakahiya coz this is such a mainstream song. i think this is everybody's favorite)

2. EACH TIME - East 17

3. Eheads songs. Nothing compares.

4. DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT

5. I NEED YOU - LeAnn Rimes

6. EVER AFTER - Bonnie Bailey (dian i love you)

7. WALKING AFTER YOU - Foo Fighters

8. COLLIDE - Howie Day

uhh the agony of choosing ONLY 8 favorite songs. in truth, ive got millions more! that's as of now, by the way. i might change my list tomorrow.

here's my wishlist:
sab, reji, jack, taker, eli, jinx, gi, aidz

celebrate good times, c'mon! lets celebrate!

here's some birthday highlights:

*** from aly's blog
Isang special greeting para sa special friend kong si…. Kar Sangalang,

Happy Birthday Karky!!

I love you!
*** your so sweet alypot! thank you!

*** this ones from reji's blog
i would like to sincerely apologize to someone really important. i hope you understand, i wanted to come last night but certain reasons failed to permit me. im really sorry Kar. i do hope i can make it up to you in one way or another.

im sure you had a blast last night. aidz is such a sweetie and you're more than lucky enough to have someone like him. cheers to the both of you. :)

HAPPY BIRHTDAY KAREN SANGALANG! :)
may you have many more fun-filled birthdays to come. :) i miss you a lot!
*** its ok reji dear. i miss you as well!


pre-birthday celebration with aidz, eli, taker, japs, doms, adi at Dapo, Tomas Morato
* eli's group hug
* taker's 'happy birthday ka' sabay hug
* japee's candle/tissue
* bub's flower

dinner with the family + aidz, mar, xavier and ning at Kagayaki, Tomas
* same old wacky us (ning, mar, moi)
* papa's innate ability to make a lot of people laugh



surprise party













for more pictures, see karkar0905.multiply.com
;) sorry im too lazy to upload the pictures again. hihi

thanks to those people who greeted me yesterday! to those who were part of the surprise party (whether you were there or not), you guys made my day! a special thanks to you aidz. planning a surprise party aint a bag of chips, you know. thanks to my family also. im grateful for having you guys as my angels. i love life, but i love you more.

birthday blahs

tommorow's my birthday! cant seem to let go of this excitement ive been feeling for the past few weeks. its been like this every year. sleepness nights of wondering whats gonna happen on that special day. oh yes, its a special day ;) it will forever be.

my gawd. im 20 years old already! uhh. the dreaded line of 2. 10 years ago, i assumed that old age starts at 18. tssss! look at me now. a totally irresponsible, playful adult. nothing really changes. im still the childish, pacute, not to mention sweet girl that i was 8 years ago. ha! who cares about maturity when its totally boring being an adult who follows all the rules anyway? at least 30 years from now, i can tell my kids (grandchildren even) that i was a kickass 20 year old! yes, kickass! bwahahaha

im excited for tomorrow. i dont know whats REALLY gonna happen. pucha. im having butterflies again.

slow down

i feel so busy lately. being busy is inversely proportional to kar. kar, being the poser busy person that she is right now, therefore feels like she's in a fast paced environment.

finally had the time to start my sanction thing in school. 10 fucking hours of community service all because of 1) entering the campus without an ID 2) improper attire 3) another improper attire. wattaskul. had to sit alone in one corner for 3 hours yesterday labeling the next gazillion pages of the library's logbook. mind you, those three hours are now candidates for the longest moments of my life category. i should've logged in before Pat, Moya, Chacha and Shai did. they got better jobs. come to think of it, anything would've been way better than what i got. if it wasnt for the new MP3 player papa bought me, i couldve gone crazy. 3 hours done. 7 to go.

after the non-productive 'work', went to tajma to see jack. (hoy jack WAF ka! i got super wet only to find out you left already. waf ka!) went to see aidz after. we had a fight for around 40 mins. haha pathetic fights. i sometimes wonder why we even bother fighting when we both know that we cant stand being mad at each other. watched bravo's game in ateneo. im such a kabarkada. i dont even know who won yesterday. didnt care to actually ask them. ha. made it more obvious that i didnt really give a damn. went there for my friends and not to watch the game anyway.

got my clearance sheet yesterday also. see how hassled i was? gawd. i have so many things to do and pay before i get my permit! get my medical and transcript, finish my sanction, take a psychology test, pay every single seminar, assembly and activities of the school and my orgs that i wasnt able attend to. fuck. the paying part is around P600 this sem. nice one kar.

today. ahh today. had my recollection. learned a lot actually. id rather tell everything next time. i still feel harrassed by all the stuff that im doing lately. all i wanna do is dance the stress away but i cant.

tomorrow, il be having two major exams. what do i know about those two exams? nada. nice one again kar.

pardon me

pardon me while i burst.

gi: "kar may barok kang nasulat sa blog mo"

tsk tsk tsk. its frustrasting when i still make mistakes even when i know the right things to say / write. ha. whatever. waaahhh! i cant believe i used the word fighted! hahahaha. whatever!

anyhoo.

friday. aidz went to my house. its been a long time since he's actually been inside. he brought me blueberry cheesecake! such a sweetie! watched a lot like love. pardon us for being such late watechers of the movie. loved it, by the way. ashton had his ducks in a row: build his own company through the internet, buy himself a nice house, and marry a loving wife. i have my own ducks as well. as for now, here's what i got planned for the next ten years or so:
1. finish the magazine (sab! we better!)
2. graduate
3. marry aidz (shut up you cheeziness haters!)
4. work in an advertising company
5. ...then save enough money to start my own advertising company
6. buy myself a nice condo
7. buy my sister the dog she's been wanting to have

saturday. was at school. cant believe i forced myself to go. i usually wouldnt mind cutting. went to sab's house after. im back to my old bum days. missed you sab! and gi! hehe saturdays at tomas all over again.
happy birthday to third and aica! two of my cutest cousins! i love you both dearly!

sunday. today. went to aica's. as usual. ate a lot. as usual.
read celine lopez' article awhile ago. gawd she's so shallow. she's complaining throughout the entire article because she's so broke and there's nothing she can do about it. pucha. how can she be broke?! how can a person who's labeled as a true blue socialite with a condo just a stone throw away from central park be broke? yeah right. she was telling the readers that when we see her in any boho attire anytime soon, she's not just portraying the poor look like what the olsen twins do, but she's really poor na DAW. how i wish she gets to experience being soooo broke. haha. total bitterness to those who are.

anyway, o gotta go na. papa's calling from china. cant wait to talk to him!

maling akala

Di mo na kailangan magalinlangan
Kung tama ang gagawin mo
Basta't wag kalimutan magdahandahan
Kund di sigurado sa kalalabasan ng binabalak mo.
Maliit na butas lumalaki...
Konting gusot...dumadami....
Di mo maibabaon sa limot at bahala kapag nabulag ka ng maling akala...
May mga kumakalat na balita na ang kaligtasay madaling makuha...
Bago maniwala magisip-isip ka muna
Marami ang namamatay sa maling akala...


Maling Akala #1
Lu. Great Guy! Had fun during our 'inuman' yesterday. May sense ka din pala kausap. I always thought you're this one sabog guy all the time. Technically, you are sabog all the time. Even yesterday i guess. But at least I was able to talk to you. Hehe. Sa uulitin!

Maling Akala #2
Jacq, may mali tayong akala. Lets do something new to our bodies next week. Joy! joy! joy!

Maling Akala #3
Now i know the issue about the Bravo thing. Hehe.

Maling Akala #4
Two years na kami ni Aidz! So to you assholes who thought (and wished) we'd break up after a couple of months, guess you're wrong! We'll forever be! (right bub?)

Maling Akala #5
I can be hardworking after all. Helped Ate Ging sell during the 3day tiangge thing in Miriam. I love selling! I just hate the scorCHING sun part. It was really tiring but according to that oldie cliche, no pain, no gain.

Maling Akala #6
Had my individual orals last wed. My prof never thought i was that smart. I was telling him deep, intellectual terms that were not even asked during the whole "interview". He never thought I could be that "studious" and "learned" daw. Boo-yah. Haha During his class kasi, I'll either be: (1) absent (2) late (3) daydreaming (4)doodling (5) out for 40 mins eating with friends i saw in the caf (6) talking to my seatmates. He gave me an A for a job well done.

Maling Akala #7
Oh no Third! How I hope you're not what we think you are. You know your dad will be mad. But don't worry, whatever you are, I'll still love you like I always do.

Maling Akala #8
Papa's in China again for his new business with Ning's dad. He's always there so Im used to not getting any pasalubong from him when he's there. Id only expect something from him when he's from some country other than China. Anyhoo... he texted mommy yesterday and said that he went shopping for me already. Joy! Joy! Joy!

Maling Akala #9
Bubba's wallet is gone :( How can that be possible when it's only in his room?! To make things worse, it suddenly "disappeared" during our anniversary! Boohoo. At least we found a way to save the day.

nowhere fast

I take a look around
it's evident the scene has changed
and there are times when I feel improved
improved upon the past
and there are times when I
can't seem to understand at all
and yes it seems as though I'm going
nowhere really fucking fast
nowhere fast

Will I ever get to where I'm going
if I do will I know when I'm there?
if the wind blew me in the right direction, yeah
would I even care?
I would



read joseph's blog the other day. it was all about looking for love and "all that jazz". do we all really need someone to call ourselves "happy"? there'll be so many arguments on that but here's what i think.

to love is to live. to live is to love. i dont wanna be a hypocrite and tell you all that love is not that necessary. ive shown pure gusto on love ever since ive experienced it that im telling you now, ill never be jaded because of love.

we all need it but noone has to be crazy begging for one. love will come to those who wait. the more we rush into things, the lesser the chances of making everything work.


so sorry i have to babble love all over again. second anniversary's coming up. monday. excited.

simple life

was at tajma yesterday bumming when two street, german kids approached us - ana and paul. they were showing us handouts made by UP students. they looked sweet. i got the whole afternoon to bum so reading their handouts was not much of a hassle. and so i read. fuck.

their dad was an activist. he was a german humanitarian professor in germany (doi.). well anyway, he fighted for filipinas in germany who were maltreated, raped, blah, blah. and what did he get from that? nothing. come to think of it,he got something way worse than nothing. his family was tricked by the german embassy to leave germany and live in the philippines. when the professor and his kids (two of them happened to be ana and paul) got here, thats when they realized that the german embassy got everything they had in germany. the papers their government gave them stated that they were not allowed to go back to germany anymore. where were they to go? nowhere.

they now live in UP. as in literally in the streets of UP, infront of Palma Hall. the professor got blind and his wife is super sick. ana was in a hit and run accident already. paul, the cute kid, got raped by many rugby boys near sta. lucia already. fuck this world.

its so sad. the professor fought for equality and he didnt get that. its all so ironic.

i love what kurt said: "nothing good comes out of doing good". so right kurt. hats off to you for buying the professor his medicine!

everything's ok in the end, see?

we're okay. i think.

the bulacan trip was tremendously horrible but everythings ok now. im back in manila. i dont wanna go back to that place anymore. call me maarte, whatever, i dont care at all. good thing gaf, andal, yana, madel and our pseudo blockmate lye were there to make the trip more memorable.

my prof agreed not to fail me due to absences anymore. wooww!

bub i miss you. i havent seen you since saturday.

fuck. speaking of bub, our second anniversary is coming up. got things planned already. help me out guys oki? got a lot of things to do. bub we'll have fun on monday! im so excited.

anyway, i think i better go. i dont wanna be late for the supposed to be dropped class of mine. just used the free internet of this intel truck parked in our school.

tata for now.

this one's for reji.

What are the things you enjoy doing even when there's no one around you?
bum in my room. (yah, i know. so sad. i bum even when im alone.)
blog.
find someone who'll talk to me over the phone.
read. (fuck im such a poser. i only do that when im motivated.)
dance as much as i want to.
sing as loud as i want to.
pluck my eyebrows. (its s addictive!)

What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?

yosi.
sleep.
aidz moments. really.
food.
especially fries.
my perky friends.
jokes. (trust me. i can take even the corniest ones.)

7 things that scare you:

snakes. ohh phobia. if only i could kill all the snakes in the world.
being alone.
death.
ghosts.
being very very very poor. (oh my gawd im sorry. this is such a pathetic, feeling, irritating answer but its so true. havent you thought of it yourself?)
separation.

7 things you like the most:

so sorry but i cant answer this. according to everyone, i love everything. there all such favorites!

7 important things in your bedroom:

box of letters.
pictures.
cds.
boom box. (ooh yeah.)
clothes.
gifts from other people.
accessories.

7 random facts about you:

bum.
fun.
funny.
cute. (this is my blog!)
pacute. (fine.)
sweet.
irresistable. (again, this is my blog)

7 things you plan to do before you die:

travel the world.
marry aidz. (gawd.)
actualize my dream advertising company.
think of a commercial's concept/script.
become famous.
tell my mom i love you in person.
witness a miracle. (a walk to remember poser)

7 things you can do:

raise my eyebrows alternately. (ooohh)
love.
crafty stuff.
write sad stories. (i swear. i only tell my "created" stories to aidz)
be childish to get what i want.
make people laugh.
emcee-ing.

7 things you can't do:

sing. (my frustration.)
break up with someone without feeling guilty. i usually dont.
betray my true friends.
eat a vegetarian meal.
kill myself.
look at a snake's picture.
take a bath without my radio.

7 things that attract you to the opposite sex:

humor.
personality.
smile.
eyes.
wit.
hair.
likes/dislikes of the person.

7 things you say the most:

so?
whatever!
di nga?
oh!
bubba you miss me?
love you!
seryoso?

7 celeb crushes:

ryan philippe.
angelina jolie.
chad michael murray.
wendell ramos.
justin timberlake.
freddie prince jr. (sometimes)
chris evans

7 people that you want to take this quiz:
aidz (bub take this quiz post it here)
jacq
sab
taker
eli
marla
ning

brighter than sunshine

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

I never saw it happening
I'd given up and given in
I just couldn't take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight
Suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you.. What a feeling...

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine. And its brighter than sunshine

*a real, messy, beautiful, twisted, sunshine bub. what a feeling.

it will take time i guess

to the ones i hurt, im so sorry.


to bub. sorry. thanks. we almost had another breakup. hope you understand why i was kinda drunk with the girls last time.
everything is just so different when im with you guys. i know they accept me for being so magaslaw and makulit already, but its just so weird being that way when im the only the girl there. i miss dancing bub. i danced with the girls and everything was so new to me again. why dont you come along next time. miko's?

to you guys, its not that i hate you now. in all truth, i still love you. i just dont know if i should still listen to everything you guys say. if you're gonna rant about something, rant in full details. i dont like hearing super biased stories. if you're wrong, you're wrong. if you're both wrong, then you're both wrong. just admit what you know and what you dont know rather than making something up.
oh and one more thing, please dont go telling other people that you dont wanna be with us anymore. dont go pretending that you dont ever wanna tell us anything anymore coz the moment you dont have any place to go or any friends to be with, you immediately text us. if you're irritated, then you're irritated. if you wanna be part of the circle, then dont go telling other people that you'll never ever want to be with us again. thats kinda hurting you know. fine. we did something bad. we know. maybe we should talk. or maybe we shouldnt. lets just clarify everything. and please. everything this time.

im sorry. really sorry.

not to worry, everything will be ok in the end. if its not ok, then its not the end. right?

miriam, oh miriam

im starting to love miriam. woooohhhhh..

i love them. they're so transparent. everything they do is as real as they get. no pretentions. no posers. well at least those i really know.

cheers to carmi and her bucket. thea, you'll always be my favorite vanity. pat you're always funny. and alex, yes alex. we're close na. nice eating ox brain with you.

glad to have known these people. and more. im ecstatic now

chamelion

lets stop with all the bs-ing.

cut all the crap.

truth.

week long drama

i finally have the time to update my dear blog after a week, i think. so here's a week full blahness.

MONDAY (new stuff day)
for the first time, jacq and i tried being independent. we tried commuting from katipunan to robinson's metroeast. poor us. we looked like 3yr old kids looking for our mommys. seriously, we looked stupid. any snatcher could have gotten everything we had. so much for independence jack! some bad situations end differently though. because of our 'stupidity' (shit jack sorry is stupidity such a strong word for us?), we got to meet ish. a schoolmate of jack. he's nice.
had my hearing that day also. fuck discipline committees. they're such kill joys.
sab entertained us with her KOKOLOGY thing. i must admit, kokology can be very addictive.

TUESDAY (exercise day)
cut two of my classes. played two games (with five sets each) of table tennis in the morning. it was so tiring. won one game and well, lost the other. in the afternoon, went jogging with jack in moro, ateneo. poser. exercise will never be my forte. i hate it. exercise hates me.

WEDNESDAY
bum

THURSDAY
bum again. i finally made a decision. im going to bulacan next weekend instead of caliraya. gaf, better make sure you do your part. we had a deal.

FRIDAY
went to seatles tomas with sab to do our mag layouts. went to her house after. aidz went there too. after an hour of nonsense drama, we finally said goodbye to sab (who i guess was in an awkward situation already). aidz kasi e. you didnt go to my house ;( tuloy inarte attack ako. anyway, he treated me to mcdo (yumm) then we're off to jack's. drank two 1/2 bottles of beer. woohoo! haha.
last stop: my house. fun!

SATURDAY
had a meeting with our magazine's business consultant (a.k.a my dad). im actually happy that he's our consultant. i think my dad's a great businessman. i wanna be sort of like him when i grow up. (singit. he opened a new business with tito ben recently. import export from china. not the tutuban type of business. just bragging. oh and go to his school fresh college grads! bragging again.)
anyhoo... my head hurt during the meeting because of all the terms my dad was trying to teach us. uhh. plus i didnt smoke during the whole meeting! i hate that feeling. went to dior's after. it was fun seeing high school friends under one roof. missed ning again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIOR! I LOVE YOU

irresponsible

walked out of two of my classes today. everything is such a routine now. i wake up around 5.30. i go to katipunan for my morning dose of yosi. i go to school to attend my undefineably boring subjects. i usually dont gain anything new or intersting from those classes. boo-hoo.

boring. boring. boring.

im at the library right now (just got out of one of my classes). fuck. see how exciting this day is?! everything is so boring. i dont wanna go to my next class. NSTP sucks big time. but i have to.

gotta follow the routine now.

got the time?

watched 'if only' with sab awhile ago.

according to peyton (from one tree hill), people always leave. if that's true, then what's the point of being close to someone? maybe thats why there are a lot of people who build walls like there's no tomorrow. they sharpen their spikes everytime they get to know others, thinking they'll eventually get hurt.

yes. its true. people always leave. so what then? i once received a quote from a friend. it said that time is the most precious gift you could give to someone because by allowing that person to share moments with you, youre giving him/her the time of your life that you could never take back. why do we really have to think of losing someone when we could think of how special it is having the person we love at the present? ***my favorite cousin left for the states. sab's leaving when she graduates. everybodys graduating (no more bumming for me at katipunan everyday).
wenki will be working in bacolod. gawd i need to stop now.

ive always demanded time from my cousins and friends. partly because im not given the 'special' time at home, i guess. time has always been precious to me. a minute beside someone doing nothing but 'closeness' is better than an all night partying with people. we can never get to know all the people we love beyond skin deep. too bad. if only there was enough time.

imagine, if nobody really left, then whats the point of time in this world? everybody wouldve taken each other for granted. time allows us to appreciate people. time indirectly teaches us to show and feel love. time tells us that it is not everyday that we get the chance to tell someone how we really feel. time tells us that until we have the time, we gotta do what we gotta do.

breakups, death, or distance doesnt put an end to love. it doesnt put an end to what happened between two people during the time they're together. how could guys from the navy stand the loneliness of being separated from their families if not for the time and memories they shared? memories and time spent with a person last longer. even those that we try to forget.



to those ive spent time with, its been a pleasure. thanks for giving me part of your lives. 'my heart is yours now.'

she's back!

YUP! she's definitely back! my favorite cousin ate ging is back. she surprised everybody with her 'comeback'! even her mom doesnt know! i missed you like hell!

im glad you're here. everything seems to be more peaceful and fun when you're here. i really missed you.

droopy

perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to
those who hardly think about us in return
--- Lucas, One Tree Hill

i hate missing people. its torture.

young at heart

we all feel so old sometimes. (especially when you're a college student in katipunan and you regularly see high school KIDS doing what you do).. so here's a list of realizations that would make you wanna face the reality that we're all getting old.

1. you begin to have nieces and nephews
2. you suddenly realize that your friends all have long term relationships. its really freaky thinking that these relationships might actually end up in marriage.
3. you start worrying about jobs and money (now that majority of my batchmates are graduating already)
4. you start limiting your gimmiks to house inumans and frequent get togethers
5. you start getting irritated with high school students who act like they own the world. its like all the stuff you know, they know as well! gawd!
6. you get shocked with what other kids do these days. uh-oh.... age gaps!
7. your younger siblings and cousins start having relationships of their own..ooohhh
8. you start talking about politics (for real!)
9. you also start talking about business (sab, lets finish our mag na!)
10. and of course, when you start discussing, contemplating, analyzing and bitching about relationships.

everybody's so scared of getting old. its just a matter of searching for that child deep within you that would bring you back to neverland. im just so happy i went through all those sh*t KIDS "normally" go through. everyone has to at some point. otherwise, life would be a big disappointment.

gotta go back to being not-so-old now.

please

here's a list of pleas. bub this one's for you.

1. please let me prove to you that i dont have the capacity to cheat, especially now that im with you. i know you still think that i could cheat on you whenever i want to. i hope you know that that's way out of my league already. been there. done that. past is past. people could change you know. i can. please understand that i can never do anything to lose you. you're way too precious.

2. please stop using such hurtful words. they last longer you know.

3. please trust me. trust has been the most controversial issue in our relationship. lets start trusting each other. lets see what magic we can make from actually believing in each other.

4. please dont ever go. you know the pathetic boomerang that i am. i know you cant go on without me also (sorry feeling) so all we basically gotta do is compromise.

5. please dont think of me as a bad, flirt girlfriend 'cause i am really not.

6. please dont say that i am not giving. for the past two years, ive given you everything i could possibly give. i know a lot of people could attest to that.

7. please surprise me na. hehe

8. please be more open minded.you know what i mean.

9. please be more patient with me. i know i can be the most irritating crab. even i hate myself for being such a crab. im so sorry.

10. please think about all the things ive written. i love you.


This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
We head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way
I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
But as our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

se7en questions

things i vow to do in a month.
3. fix up my room, and i mean clean it up and throw away all the clutter.
2. do something new with aidz
1. get a haircut

movies i recently saw that i absolutely loved.
3. my sassy girl (thanks to the wonderful joseph!)
2. batman begins (never really loved action movies but this ones different)
1. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (bittersweet. the greatest imitation of love)

things that made me happy over the weekend.
3. was at sab's house (as usual). inom lang (thats the way to end a weekend)
2. talked to someone
1. got to see my cousins again after two weeks of being left alone at home (missed them)

favorite daydreams of the moment.
3. being skinny with a closet full of fabulous clothes that accentuates my perfect bod
2. having one successful advertising company
1. getting married (at the moment a)

things i miss doing.
3. hanging out with my real ateneo barkada
2. being with my two bestfriends mar and ning
1. eating pancit canton

things that made me go "ooh".
3. new, INTERESTING facts, trivia, whatevere
2. 1st season DVD series of One Tree Hill (somebody please give me one!)
1. moments with aidz (sorry cheezy)


my seventh question:

stc 101

got this from aly's blog. amazingly funny and true.


1. theresians are simple. we're one of a kind. we could blend in with anyone, anytime. we're such laidback people that when you put us together with a group of guys, we'd immediately be one of them (unlike those other girls who tend to be more girlie girlie and pacute around boys).

2. loved being a flag raiser! such an honor!

3. for the record, PDOEAS: poor, depressed, oppressed, exploited, aware, and struggling

4. my ties (plural of course. i had around 6 ties in 1 school year) served as pencilcases!

5. PALIHAN is the ultimate getaway.

6. ....a heart generous and great.. burning with zeal for the lord.. a trail you blaze for the kingdom.. of truth, of justice and of peace...

7. never really learned tiyakad. damn you stilts!

8. resourcefulness is to winning a best costume award during your dance production

9. ADVANS are for normal people. when you're cool, you'll wear KED's! hahaha

10. food fest = free food fest

11. never did this actually. though i ate kare-kare, fried chicken, sinigang, adobo and chips in class

12. McDo Retiro WAS (or still is?) the place to be! everybody who's anybody was expected to bum there especially during fridays!

13. owners of the heights studio should be millionares by now from the profit they get from theresians. every week is picture week.

14. where?

15. true. true.

i love that i am a theresian! miss my stc friends :(

what now

Love
same old same old.
haay. ive been explaining that to aidz last night. you see, i was never really used to long term relationships. nor am i used to being so.... loyal. fine. super feeling na pakinggan, but those stuff are definitely not my forte. though im really loving every minute with aidz, there's always this something in me that screams "I NEED SOMETHING NEW!". ewan ko ba. its not that im bored or anything naman. in fact, im contented with him pa nga e. pucha... isn't it ironic? dont you think? a little too ironic. yeah, i really do think. GOING BACK, i think i just need something to stop the whole routine thing. its really hard for me to explain everything im feeling right now. everytime i try to tell him my feelings, he never gets my real, exact point.
oh...we had this poser huge fight last night. i told him not to text, call, or try to see me for the next whole week. i told him that 'cause he called me selfish and so not giving. pucha! i may be selfish in a whole lot of ways but im purely giving to you aidz! anyway, there i was again this morning. the same pathetic kar. after all the "dont text me for a whole week" thing, i was the one who texted him (as usual). i even asked him to go to me even if i demandingly told him the night before not to. shit im so pathetic. hay nako. for the record, he did come. cant resist me daw e! hahaha
grabe. im such a boomerang when it comes to love. he could throw me anywhere but ill always go back to him. oh well. relationships talaga. cant live with them; cant live without them.

Life with Friends
last saturday was such a long day. went to katipunan. met up with sab. did some stuff for the mag. went to sab's house. made 84 sandwiches. went to camille's party. went to marco's house after. home by 4am.

camille was so pretty during her party. her boyfriend gwen is so friendly! i never felt out of place there. they were all so welcoming. such filipinos! by the way, that was officially my first miriam party. way to go kar!

marco's party was the highlight of my day (other than the fact that i was with bub)! i had so much fun! sab and i were way sooo perky that night. i cant even determine whether i was down when i got home because of the beer i drank (haha poser tomador!)or the perkiness! i saw 'he who must not be named' dance again. ewwwww! hahahaha saw some old faces there like lee and luigi. weird! those were my first two crushes in admu! wow. such revelations. there were some 'always there' faces too like chino, charles, dino, fred, jp, moch, li blah blah... one thing i loved about that night is that i got to meet new people: bboy and d.a. i miss meeting new people! love it!

everybody gets their share of boredom

its been like this ever since. everytime i watch a cheezy anything (name it! movie, tv show, documentary, whatever), i cant help but think of my own cheezy future. whatever i see on TV, i replay it with me and aidz as the main characters. its always so pathetic but i love it. i love being so futuristic. it makes me a happier person knowing that something good MIGHT be waiting for me in the near future.

just watched one tree hill awhile ago. no other tv show could make me cry (okay so there's sex and the city also). every tree hill show gives me a totally different feeling. not your ordinary teeny thing. it shows you what life is really about. bittersweet sobra. ****ahem ahem to those who wanna buy me a present, buy get me a complete copy of seasons 1 and 2..hahaha****

watched newlyweds also. its so funny how nick and jessica found each other. its so amazing how nick withstands jessica's dumbness. its so funny how jessica withstands nick's bum life (considering that his singing career has come to its downfall already). theyre not the perfect couple to other people but to me, they're pretty close to being one. i love them. they love each other. thats what really matters anyway so the hell with what others think of them.

tangna i better stop watching those cheezy stuff. it sometimes gets the best out of me.

isnt it obvious that i didnt do much today?
wasnt able to see my aidz today. i miss you.

special thanks to: inigo and his condo!

isabel

i never really told sab this, but i once told aidz that i was very glad i met her. she's pretty different. in a person's whole lifetime, its hard to meet someone who could really understand and accept you for who you are. its hard to meet someone who have almost the same ideas and views in life as you do.

similarities
-sab and i love to bum. thats how i got close to her again. big thanks to bumming! even if we dont do anything when we bum, just the feeling of 'tranquility' that bumming brings gives us a sense of contentness. during weekends, i see to it that i bum with her even if i have no means of doing so.

-we love people. may it be with them or surrounded by them. if there's one thing we share (other than everything), its the need to be in a place full of people.

-its hard to explain how we often compliment each other's ideas. we usually have the same ideas. may it about business, politics, showbiz, criticizing people, school, friends, and so much much much more.

-when you really think about it, we ALMOST have the same lifestyle. ewan. sabi ni bub.

-we love ukay ukay clothes. may they be stolen or not.

-we love love. we love the idea of forever (i'm more vocal about it though). we love the feeling of loving (her sy and my ayala) and the feeling of being loved. admit it sab, we're both pathetic rin (fine. im more pathetic than you are. i just wanna have a 'kasama'). when she slept over at my place last summer, we talked about the cheezy stuff. its really fun to talk about love and its corniness with someone who thinks of love the same way you do.

-we're both very very slow people. physically slow a. we can walk fast when needed but otherwise, hell no.

-we love telling stories to each other. thats one thing i love to do. everytime somthings come up, i make sure that i tell her every single detail.

-we're both such pretty, fabulous people

differences
-she's less strict with sy than i am.

-our eating habits. i eat a lot she doesnt.

-our families. i love her family. thats why i love going to her house. i feel so comfortable there as compared to my own house. i feel so controlled here. there, i can be myself and have fun.

-our nails. she has long nails i dont. (pathetic comparison)

its hard to find a real friend. when you actually find one, then you're lucky. im lucky i got sab. i could picture us already.. two old (yet still ravishing)lolas, playing majong on weekdays, talking about our grandchildren. saby has this aura of being so irresistably loveable.

SABBY dear, you know for a fact that i love being with you. you're my everlasting daylight!

its them bitches that matter

tangna. its been an effin' (woohoo! finally got to use the word!) looooooooong time since i last saw my real ateneo barkada. it felt good seeing all of them again in one place cause i usually see them one at a time lang.

really missed hanging out with these people! i used to see them almost everyday (including sundays sometimes yan a)for three years. their condos were my houses. i miss making them laugh (especially jm). i miss singing with them. i miss criticizing other people with them. i miss them all. they used to know every little thing that was happening in my forever feeling colorful life. now that we dont get to talk anymore, its so sad that when i see them all together, its like im just one of the "plus one". its really hard to relate especially now that i havent really talked to them for two semesters already.

i know its my fault. i was the one who stopped hangin out with them. not that i dont want to. its just so different when i get out of school e. basta. so hard to explain. wanx, i still love your condo. its the best haven. how i hope that by this entry, i could somehow makeup for some pf the bum moments i missed with them.

here are my bitches:

dian: for some reason, ive come to love her weird weirdness (haha) already! she's the ultimate partygirl. come nighttime and she's out! bumming with this girl can be so hilarious. as in super. we laugh a lot. doesnt really matter what its about as long as were laughing. hey, i miss that. i miss dian. you better come back here dian! even if she has this rollercoaster relationships with guys, i know for a fact that my dear pretty dian is just waiting for her prince charming to come save her.

jm: my ultimate singing partner. as usual, he'd give me the rap parts and he'd sing the girl parts of the song. ahh my dear mmmilkman. he'd laugh at any joke i tell him. im his favorite joker! loves it! with everything ive been through in college, he's one of the few people who could really give me good advices. i know that il always have him and how i hope he knows that he'l always have me. such a sweetie my jm is. there's really no dull moment with him.

wenki: wenkityas, wenkityas! sobrang gaan ng loob ko kay wenks. i was never intimidated to tell her my dirty little secrets (well nung orsem i was scared. cge na i admit it na). grabe wenki is such a laidback person. that's why i love hanging out with her. plus she's the only one who imitates my magaslaw and makulit moves. its so funny when we do stupid stuff together. how i miss her house in bacolod. how i hope i could go back there soon.

jojie: the ever so unpredictable chocho. hihihihi the normal chocho is conservative and reserved. the kalog is chocho is makulit and magaslaw. oh and a good imitator of people pa pala. the drunk chocho is loud and funny. hehehe i admire chocho's goodness. really. i admire her for being so close to her mom as well. girls like cho are one of a kind. haha. i actually remember marla when i think of cho. my chinita friend!!!!! feeling chinita din ako, ok lang?

alex:mmm! ALEXA! KALA MO DI KITA MAKIKILALA NO? (vaseline commercial). alex is my ever so bubbly friend. she's really pretty. well cge na nga, her whole family is pretty. hehe. she lives near me lang but we never really got to go to each other's house for nonsense reasons. we should do that someday alex. everybody loves alex. she always has this smile on her face whether she's happy or frustrated. i adore her sense of style. super astig lang. and to think she's not really the overly expensive buyer pa. i love her cool mom cause she's so.. umm... cool! duh?

jen: jen is the twin sister of alex. they somehow think alike na. because they're together most of the time, they seemingly start to look like each other. as in parang twins na talaga. but thats ok. they're both pretty naman e. jen is such a sweet girl. i miss our talks about love.. and life.. and the shit. she was the one who influenced me to make my own scrapbook. guru! oh and she was the first person to let me use tampons. hehe il never forget that! tangna, just remembered, we (as in the two of us lang) used to go to up just to eat isaw and kwek kwek. hey jen, when ulit?

chris: chris is our queen bitch. hehe chris may have this image that says "mataray and masungit" na kagad. but when you really try to get to know her, she is actually a very nice girl. yes, girl. she's the youngest in the group and yet she's the most mature one yata. she loves beer. ask pizza hut if you want! she's one rational person. and thats good actually. she's the one who brings me back to reality. we've been through a lot already and im really happy that were still friends. dont worry chris, il always have your back.

IM YOUR GIRL. YOUR MY GIRLS. DONT YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU?

saved by bubba

we fought (AGAIN) last night but as expected... ok na kami ulit by the time we see each other again. goody!

im so sick! tangna. i hate being so sick. especially during school days. just the thought of coughing or trying to keep my runny nose from running infront of a lot of people scares me. virus! virus! virus! im so sick! uhhhhh

july 5, 2005

happy 22nd monthsary bubba. i love you

i hate ii

i hate snakes

i hate handdriers that would only work for 3 seconds after putting my hands under it.

i hate people who make up stories just to show others that they're cool. no point grabe.

i hate people who use their money just to be friends with other people. so pathetic.

i hate tinola.

i hate corned beef.

i hate breaking up with someone.

i hate rain.

i hate damp places coz thats where snakes are.

i hate songs that are full of "RAAAHHH!!!" in them.

i hate maniacs. philippines is so full of them.

i hate my arms.

i hate my legs.

i hate bumming at home.

i hate people who say stuffS! tsss.

jack of all trades

Jacquiline Therese Changco Santos

ive been friends with this girl (yes people, she's not a lesbian.. haha)for almost a decade now. some people say that friendship is not based on the amount of years you've been together but is primarily based on the things you've experienced together. i guess we have both.

J-ust not your oh-so-average-girl. jack has never been that typical kikay girl. cosmetics has never been her department. jack has always been that laidback person. she's the happy-go-lucky type you see at starbucks or cantina all the time. jack may give people the impression that she's a slacker (well..) but when you really get to know her like i did, there's more to her than what you think.
jack values her friends a lot. loyalty, well thats her department. she can be the most loyal friend you could ever have as long as you dont mess with her. she's frank most of the time but hey, thats part of the friendship thing right? her words may be mean but in truth, those words are actually the things you needed to hear.

A-total flirt! haha sorry jack! (DONT WORRY, IN TIME I'LL ACCEPT THE FACT THAT IM PACUTE)jack is a self-proclaimed flirt. it may be bad to some but pleasurable to many. (bwahahahahahahahaha) despite the fact that jack's a flirt, ive always thought that she's only waiting for the right guy to come into her life (sorry pawie)she deserves it anyway. jack, for some who may not know this, can be very sweet and "maalaga" with her special someone. to those people who just let that (that=jack's sweetness) pass, then too bad for you (sorry again pawie).

C-ant live without me! haha you better! 'cause i cant live without you. no joke.

K-ind. okay so its such a lame adjective. but she really is. she is to me! hihi

MAID to be irritating

our most recent "ex-maid" tried to spread some fucking news about me having an affair with a lesbian. thats so fucking not true. I AM SO GONNA KILL HER FOR THAT! she told my mom pa nga na i was meeting up with this "kabit" of mine every midnight onwards. thats so fucking not true!

come to think of it, it can be true, but its still soooo not true. first of all, i would not go out of my way to meet up with a lesbian! no way man! lesbians for me are those cropped gelled short haired girls with baggy pants, baggy shirts, leather shoes, and of course, who would ever forget, the clutch bag! i dig girls too but not their kind. nevah! ewww

second, even if i usually go out on takas times, i only go to sab's, to bub's, to somewhere i can eat with bub, or to some inuman. im gonna go look for her and let her suffer! now i cant do it anymore! my mom is still suspicious so she thought of keeping the key of the gate the whole night until she's up. THANKS A LOT MERCY! and to think your name is mercy! you better fucking change your name cause you are obviously not worthy of such a label! uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

believe me, im gonna look for you! uhhh!

stuff

i hate people who say stuffS!!! its stuff honey, and never stuff


average has a new name. its called NOOK. better right?

i hate

just had a fight with aidz. okay so maybe i went overboard again. but hey, im sure i didnt go waaayyyyy overboard this time.

i hate it when he doesnt make paramdam everytime he's with his friends.

i hate it when he thinks im being so childish and papansin when all i really want is for him to really listen to what im saying (saying = complaining to him).

i hate it when he doesnt understand me or my opinions.

i hate it when he'd think im being so selfish again. maybe i am. everybody is. pucha.

i hate it when i pathetically say sorry even when he's wrong.

i hate it when im so demanding. and idealistic. and pathetic. too pathetic.

i hate that i hate us fighting. cant imagine being angry for half a day. thats when i become pathetic. just to end the fight, id try anything even if he doesnt want me to do something. why cant i be just a little bit mapride sometimes?

i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.

np.

totally hassled

went to sab's house last night to do some stuff for the business (oh and yeah, we call that a business already!) guess what, we found possible sponsors na! bwahahaha and to think we've only started with some of the articles! other than that, sobrang nothingness! nothing technical was started... but were TRYING to rush things. sobrang rush! haay how i wish we could get things done by august.

sab and i were making the timetable for the 1st issue of the mag. while i was typing everything we need to do for the next month, everything suddenly sunk in. tangna we had to do all that?! pucha. i immediately asked sab to bring me home after doing the timetable. i was so hassled just by seeing everything! uhhhh....


but im still excited to do everything. hey guys, you all better grab a copy of the mag once its out alright?

i have to congatulate myself. didnt cut any of my class. so proud yet so pathetic. i know its my responsibility to come to class. really! but i guess everybody would agree when i say 'its just so hard to force yourself to go to school and when you eventually get there, youll soon realize that it was a majorly boring useless day!' and then you get to think that maybe, come next meeting, its gonna be boring again. thats why i cut. sometimes. ok so maybe most of the time. but i wanna change. i really do.

inigo advanced happy birthday!!!! love ya dude! kelan inom? thought saturday?!

average

finally. something productive. after all the plans, we now have a real "business" (if you could call it that)! finally sab, finally! its about time.

lets not get too excited yet. we have sooooo many things to do:
-permit
-sec registration
-patent
-"office" space (plus a landline, a fax...)
-publishing place
-sponsorships
-blah blah blah. can you believe it? we're so serious! tangna sometimes when i think about it, i get goosebumps. its all so surreal e.

average. thats the name of our mag. its about college people and their everyday lives. its not gonna be like a typical teeny bopper mag. dont you guys think its about time for us to start reading some realistic stuff? girls have been so obsessed with all those kikay "thingys" they read from fashion mags. guys have been so obsessed with all those naked girls who "artistically" pose for FHM. well i think its about time we read something about us and our typical, normal, AVERAGE lives as college people.

bummer. i cant start my article about marla. its so hard to write something about her! i know she's my bestfriend and all but its just so hard. i know everything about her (and literally everything) but whenever i try starting the article, im so thoughtless! gawd. i better finish this so that i can do more stuff for the mag. haha feeling.

ill be needing a super editor when it comes to my future articles. okay so i admit it na. i can be a lot barok. so? (<-ha! the ultimate expression of a defeated person)

anyway, so many things to do. i just hope everything will turn out just fine! i can feel all the fame and success already! ha! (sab dont be too stresses out, oki?)

shoutout again

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY PAPA! I LOVE YOU!


happy birthday marla, my dear bestfriend. la lang. hope you read this! i thought magpapainom ka? i was expecting that na. tsk tsk tsk


happy birthday ate karla!!!!!! i love you!


mommy and bobby advance happy birthday!

music: well rounded

people have been asking me if im gonna go to this event called FETE de la MUSIQUE. its actually a really great offer to those who really dig pinoy stuff cause there's so much for everyone going there to enjoy. there'll be different stages located around the el pueblo area. all the stages represent different types of music featuring different bands and singers from their genre. here's the different types of music featured: the undying blues, the raging rock, the fubu hiphoppers, the screaming electronica (or whatever you wanna call it), the never senseless alternative and the soulful jazz.


ahhhh. who ever came up with the idea that MUSIC BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER is such a genius! the language of the soul, if i must add. sometimes you can tell a person by the type of music he or she listens to. but thats only SOMETIMES ok. music is such a vague, peculiar thing that i cant even describe it. but i love it. its my stress reliever. my instant get away. no doubt about that.

people show their emotions through music. we cry our hearts out when that suuuupppeeerr sad (and sometimes old and pathetic) song suddenly plays on the radio during our heartbroken days as if its teasing us pa. people write those super major heart warming songs about and for their loved ones when they really feel like it. cheeziness galore. grabe i think ogie alcasid and ryan cayabyab are like the veterans already when it comes to song writing. (haha i laughed when i mentioned ogie. so pathetic. hehe)we dance when we listen to a super dancy song. we scream our lungs out when we listen to those 90's OPM songs (especially of eraseheads'. to those who dont know them and their songs, gawd our age difference must be so big!) as if noone's listening. yeah right.

different people listen to different types of music.
--->take for example my dear friend jacq. she's a certified rocker (not to mention a vocalist pa). she knows all those rock bands, even the underground ones. ive always wondered how the hell do rockers know those never-played-on-the-radio songs they listen to all the time. its like when i talk to jacq about music, we really dont have anything to talk about (unless its about spice girls, backstreet boys, etc). but let her talk about music to some rocker about their music and they'd get along pretty fine. oh, and whats with rockers and their gothic looks anyway? not really connected to "music" but what the hell. even aidz got into this genre. everytime im in his car, its all raaaaahhhh! and waaaahhhH! (love you bub!) ah, the screaming voices of rock. nothing against it. just not for me i guess. all good? all good!

--->alternative for me is way better than rock. although theyre closely related, i dont know, but alternative is.. ewan. basta. i think its better. eli is an alternative kinda guy. thats why i love listening to his cds. alternative to me has something more to give than those mushy senti sh*t. alternative is so diverse yet still specific when it comes to topics. plus! most of their lyrics are deep stuff. not just those ordinary lets-rhyme-words kind of lyrics. bands could talk about serious matters concerning life and would still manage to sound really good. gawd. isnt it obvious im such a big fan?

--->senti music. high school music. haha! when i was in high school, i was so inlove with this type of music. i guess everybody was. malamang. thats the time when you start discovering the actual feeling of falling inlove, getting hurt, blah blah blah. so malamang. its when you actually relate to a senti song that you suddenly just had to download every senti song with the same idea. haaayyy now, i only listen to these kind of stuff when im actually deppressed.

--->dancey music. trance, house, hed kandi, the likes. all in all, i remember dian. my dear dear friend dian. what can i say, dancey songs could really make you stand up and dance the night/whats left of it awaY!

--->tiff for me is the biggest fan of OPM. (tama ba tiffy?) ;) hihi i love OPM too. we've got so many pinoy talents here! gotta support them first! i love eheads. too bad theyre not together anymore. i love kitchie. i love bamboo. and mojofly. (o cge na nga) and rivermaya. not spongecola sorry (but i must admit, there songs are so singable!). fine. i love mymp also! and moonstar88 sometimes. i LOVE stonefree. and the list goes on. dont be too impressed. the list is not that long. forgive me for being too honest but i HATE radioactive sago project. i think they suck. sorry again.

--->pop culture phenomena. tsk tsk tsk. sometimes, even if the song is really good, i start hating it just because the whole "masa" loves it too. uhh. im so bad. its hard kasi when its traffic and you hear jeepneys playing your current favorite song. la lang. dont get me wrong, i love pop too. secretly nga lang sometimes. how could you say you love me? i memorized the whole thing! hehe!

--->rap/hip hop. i must admit, i loved rap before. rap and hiphop could actually be okay if only we take out all poser Filipinos who actually go out of their ways just to look like rappers also. i just hate it. those Filipinos who wear big chains, baggy everything (shirt and pants), cloth on their heads plus (take note!) fake bling blings pa! tsk tsk tsk! sorry for being so judgmental here. sorry for the nth time.


anyway, its really weird talking about music. like what i said, its so general. oh well. cant do anything anymore. gawd i gotta sleep na.

its already 4.58am. goodnight/goodmorning!

same old same old

just like any other. bummer.

school days are here once again. oh school. sometimes i just want to give up school but when i really think about it, its not as if im the only person who feels that way. thats why i stay. i often times trick myself into thinking that if i dont go to school, i wont be able to see my aidz and my friends. ay nako. the things i do to force myself to go to school.

first week. nothing really exciting. same old same old. classes first then katipunan after. see. same old same old. same familiar faces. everyday its like that. its funny actually. those people you see everyday are those people who are actually like you. bummers galore. ay nako. arent we sick of seeing each other daily?

yesterday was different though cause we watched Batman Begins. finally. grabe it was the first time i ever saw eli commute. haha. saw marco at gateway. again. haay nako. when we got back to Katipunan, my loser brother was so furious. poor him he waited for me for 2 long hours. hey, it wasnt my fault. i told them to pick me up at around 6. if was there by 6pm, he wouldve waited i guess an hour less. fuck him for shouting at me. fuck him more for shouting at me infront of my friends.

the day before yesterday (i think) me jacq and sab (as usual) had nothing to do while bumming so we did this "describe the person" kind of game/trivia/whatever. it was so fun. haha. so thats how they view me pala! by the way, I AM NOT PACUTE! never! flirt cge pero pacute.. dont think so tsongs!

today. finally. saw inigo today. and jen. gawd i miss those guys. its been awhile since i last saw them. miss my ateneo barkada!!!!! uhhhh! saw their pics nga when they were at gateway the other day. felt left out na. tsk tsk tsk. i hate feeling that pa naman. other than that, another same old same old day for me.

gawd i hope therell be something new tom. dont wanna do another same old same okd journal.

i sometimes hate being so addicted to love. see its effect on me?

to bub:

Dont say we aren't right for each other, the way i see it is.. we aren't right for anyone else

HARDEST THINGS IN LOVE?!


Being questioned when you yourself don't understand
>i know! its so hard to give aidz fast answers when i cant even understand his point. grabe. im forever slow pa naman so i tend to misinterpret most of the things he say.

Pretending to be innocent of what you know about
>NO COMMENT


Trying to show you care
>not really. when you care, you care. when you dont care anymore, you stop caring. its as simple as that. when you pretend to care for someone even if you really dont, then you're so dead. as in deader than the dead. its so hard pretending.


Trying to forget something you know you NEVER will
>its not really the forgetting thing. its the acceptance of the partner thing thats hard. i guess noone really has to forget the notorious exes. for all you know, they could possibly be one of your bestfriends once you get to know them more (with less intimacy, of course) i believe noone could really forget someone they used to love. we could all let go of them, but definitely not forget.


Admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right
>so me! I HATE IT WHEN I EVENTUALLY REALIZE THAT IM WRONG. i got to, but i still hate it. thats what i hate about myself. i can be so close minded at times that id always have this notion that im always the "right". tsk tsk tsk. pathetic.


Debating with yourself
>i must admit. i always do this. "was i too insensitive again or was he too irrational? was i right or was he right? why did i fucking do such a stupid thing?!"


Knowing what's wrong and what's right
>wrong things seem to be more fun and easy but when you really love a person, youd want to do the right things all the time.


Growing up
>changes sometimes play a big big role in a relationship. its often times hard to accept people, especially the ones you love, grow and change. like me. i always want me and aidz to be in that "honeymoon stage" but obviously, things dont really end up the way you want them to be. but hey, i believe its better. our relationship has become stronger, making us more comfortable with each other, hance the not-so-honeymooney stage anymore. cant believe i used the word hence.


ACCEPTING the fact that some things are NOT meant TO BE
>i just have ti accept that fact. some things are not meant to be. i better be contented with what and who i have and honestly, i am.


Swallowing your pride when it has become TOO HARD and TOO BIG to even gulp it down with water
>ahhh pride. no pride = better relationships i guess.


Being the LAST TO KNOW about something that CONCERNS you most of all
>lies. deceptions. one lie after another. fast heartbeat. they all go together. partners should be open with anything and everything. i guess. i should work on that.


Realizing that you have taken the most IMPORTANT thing for granted
>thats why im never letting go of aidz. i dont wanna risk losing everything. i better not take him for granted. remember that kar!


PARTING with someone you've just LEARNED to LOVE
>we've all felt this. IT SUCKS BIG TIME right?!


Letting GO of someone you've LOVED ALL YOUR LIFE
>this sucks even more!


Saying sorry when you mean it
>i say sorry to aidz all the time even when i know he's the one who should be blamed for the fight. i just want to get things over with. cant stand fighting. cant we all just be malambing all the time?


Saying how you REALLY FEEL and Explaining WHERE YOU STAND
>being straight to the point is always better than making something up. if youre still inlove then let it all happen. if youre not then so be it. period.


Knowing what is best and yet doing the exact opposite.
>so me again! even if i know that the best thing to do is the only option, id still be willing to hurt myself (emotionally a) by doing the opposite. im always this pathetic with love.


Bracing yourself for the worst kind of pain & still hturting so much.
>no matter how much i cry, ill always be crying a river everytime i get hurt. as in everytime. gawd im such a crybaby.


Loving someone too much and learning to love the pain that goes with it... that even if you learned to let go of the person... you still go on missing the pain you once felt (and there it goes again... you fall
again)
>i guess its self explanatory already


Being with someone else when the right one comes along
>felt this before but now, naaahhhh

Knowing deep inside that you love someone yet you can't say it out loud
>my advice, just say it. itll end the what-if-i-told-him/her question