waiting

everyone's doing their all souls day thing, while im left here sitting infront of my laptop waiting for something exciting to happen.

i hate being this overly sensitive, emotional jerk. everytime i can't contact anyone close to me, i feel like everyone else is in another planet having the time of their lives, while im all alone in one room, scared and terrified. fuck imagination. i imagine a lot of things when i feel im alone. sometimes, when im so into the whole rain + tears thing, i go to my brother's balcony, feel the mist of the supposedly cold rain, light a cigarette, listen to the most dramatic song i could find in my mp3 player, and cry myself a river. pathetic right? i know. there are just those weird things that you do in your life that are so hard to remove, 'cause fact the matter is, they make you happy (or at least calm) however weird they may be.

since im into the 'my weird practices' now, this may be the perfect and only time i admit to people the weird things i do:
1. just like any other girl, i sing and dance infront of the mirror when im alone. i even use an improvised mic during my so-called concerts.
2. i can never take a bath without a radio. i take this very seriously.
3. i cry infront of the mirror.
4. i cannot sleep without rubbing my feet, especially my right foot, anywhere soft.
5. i pee before every movie i watch. even when im home watching dvds, i piss before a movie starts.
6. i love eating / drinking gravy.
7. my voice AUTOMATICALLY turns malambing everytime i ask favors from people
8. i like hearing tori amos' song when eli is driving very fast at night
9. im kinikilig everytime aidz runs his fingers through my hair
10. i eat noodles with rice
11. i shake my legs whenever i beg aidz to stop being so mad at me for whatever reason
12. i pluck religiously.
13. i don't let anyone touch my eyebrows
14. i don't like people touching my arms.
15. i keep a list of people i love and hate
16. i keep receipts
17. i keep every little thing people i love give me, may it be from tetra packs to candy wrappers
18. whenever i watch teeny bopper movies, i pretend that im the lead girl there.
19. i panic when i see snakes
20. there are floors that i just cant even look at. i call them the icky/kadiri floors
21. i automatically roll my eyes when i see a car + windows down + loud hip hop music + an ugly driver smoking wearing either a cap or his imitation shades. could anything / anyone be more jologs?
22. i read letters of people when im lonely

omg. i could go on and on. but that would suck, right? oohh i hate waiting. hey people! c'mon. im so bored. this night is one of those nights.

i feel alone. i really do.