here at sab's place. trapped in this cloud of smoke we all made. im so drowsy. im beginning to create this big pile tissue already. i feel bad. i think im sick. wrong timing talaga ang rain all the time. takas nanaman ako tonight and obviously the rains not cooperating! how am i gonna go home now? bummer. rain rain go away.
its been two days already that i havent had access to kuya willy, our beloved driver. forced then i was to commute. something ive been scared of my whole life. i know its practical. i know its normal. call me maarte but its not really me. but hey, i survived two straight days commuting. to and from school in fact! for some simple reason, i liked it. but i still hate it. weird but true. the feeling of stickiness and the feeling of people so unknown to me and yet very near me really sucks. though the feeling of independence overwhelms me. i could try it again and again but it shouldnt be a regular thing. id get so bummed out by then.
gotta talk to sab now.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
even the best fall down sometimes
ive always thought the world is mine. not literally, of course. ive always had this idea that i could do anything i want, when i want it. nah. all crap. with all the bitching and harshness this worlds got to offer, i dont think i can. i dont think anyone can for that matter. save me from all your negative comments. according to jacq, we gotta be realistic nowadays. here i am pouring some of my frustrations out.
i envy a lot of people who actually live by their dreams. i guess reality was an asset than a liability to them. such luck. bubba's dad started from scratch and looking at where he is now, grabe, so surreal! or that girl i read in cosmo ages ago. she started out as a factory worker but because of her hardwork, she was able to make herself worth millions now. adore them , i do. HOW I WISH I COULD BE LIKE THEM. i will be. soon. but my advertising company has to wait for now. til that time comes, i guess id have to keep on falling down that pit that a lot of people before me have gone to.
to fall is to go down. for some people, falling is the start of their unexpected journey. thats the hardest part. even in relationships. falling for the person is the start of another rocky road part of your life. not that im complaining. its actually pretty good for a person, right?
how i love falling for someone. ok so i may have SOME issues when it comes to falling for only one person at a time but i think with aidz, ive "proven" myself worthy of being part of the stick-to-one gang. uhhhuuuhhh.
going back, everybody falls. noone escapes from the fall. even those jaded ones. i dont even think those jaded people are actually done with love. no no no! they may be resting (what the?). but eventually, they wont be able to stop themselves from falling. they say theyre done with love but theyre just waiting for it.
my advice? dont be afraid to fall not just in love but in anything for that matter. hey, even the best fall down sometimes..... even the stars refuse to shine... out of the back you'll fall in time.
gotta sleep. insomia is taking out the best of me already. no coherence anymore.
i envy a lot of people who actually live by their dreams. i guess reality was an asset than a liability to them. such luck. bubba's dad started from scratch and looking at where he is now, grabe, so surreal! or that girl i read in cosmo ages ago. she started out as a factory worker but because of her hardwork, she was able to make herself worth millions now. adore them , i do. HOW I WISH I COULD BE LIKE THEM. i will be. soon. but my advertising company has to wait for now. til that time comes, i guess id have to keep on falling down that pit that a lot of people before me have gone to.
to fall is to go down. for some people, falling is the start of their unexpected journey. thats the hardest part. even in relationships. falling for the person is the start of another rocky road part of your life. not that im complaining. its actually pretty good for a person, right?
how i love falling for someone. ok so i may have SOME issues when it comes to falling for only one person at a time but i think with aidz, ive "proven" myself worthy of being part of the stick-to-one gang. uhhhuuuhhh.
going back, everybody falls. noone escapes from the fall. even those jaded ones. i dont even think those jaded people are actually done with love. no no no! they may be resting (what the?). but eventually, they wont be able to stop themselves from falling. they say theyre done with love but theyre just waiting for it.
my advice? dont be afraid to fall not just in love but in anything for that matter. hey, even the best fall down sometimes..... even the stars refuse to shine... out of the back you'll fall in time.
gotta sleep. insomia is taking out the best of me already. no coherence anymore.
Friday, May 27, 2005
blankness
uhh. pathetic. i feel so pathetic. its been what, 2 days that ive been blogging more than once a day. i feel like a loser. supposed to go out tonight but the bum in me told me not to go anymore. im so fucking lazy even im irritated by it. yada yada yada. i really have to exert more effort in this.
backtrack.
played badminton today. ooohhhh finally i have something to label as my sport. finally. im getting better everytime.. i hope. played with drei taker and dian. eli japee and raymond showed up at the very last minute.
oh and i went to the ever-so-poser school we all call Miriam College. grabe. their systems so bulok they had to ask me to go back almost everyday for the past 3 damn days just because they erased some of my files! such a system. i better burn everything down so i could go back to ateneo, or at least la salle. yeah, i think i gotta do that.
yada yada yada. tangna i feel so useless right now. i shouldnt have been tamad. i shouldve gone with dian and drei. now im here infront of my laptop talking about useless shit.
well i guess i better call it a day. its 4.36am for crying out loud! tsk tsk tsk
so now you see the blankness.
im off to slumberland. see you there bub
backtrack.
played badminton today. ooohhhh finally i have something to label as my sport. finally. im getting better everytime.. i hope. played with drei taker and dian. eli japee and raymond showed up at the very last minute.
oh and i went to the ever-so-poser school we all call Miriam College. grabe. their systems so bulok they had to ask me to go back almost everyday for the past 3 damn days just because they erased some of my files! such a system. i better burn everything down so i could go back to ateneo, or at least la salle. yeah, i think i gotta do that.
yada yada yada. tangna i feel so useless right now. i shouldnt have been tamad. i shouldve gone with dian and drei. now im here infront of my laptop talking about useless shit.
well i guess i better call it a day. its 4.36am for crying out loud! tsk tsk tsk
so now you see the blankness.
im off to slumberland. see you there bub
summer's over
FUCK
summers finally over.
rain keeps falling on my head
havent been out that much yet. a person can never have too many vacations, right? too bad for me there's no way in hell am i getting some last minute beach outing. its raining like hell sometimes that you can really feel the rainy season suddenly sinking in.
i hate rain
rain is like one of my worst nightmares. it forces me to stay at home and bum by myself. no people, no fun. so damn you rain!
seduction style
Your Seduction Style: The Charmer |
 You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement. You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you. By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power. And then you've got them exactly where you want them! |
collide
this one's for ya li! *****on our way to capones*****
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
out
SHOUTOUT!
grabe, its been awhile since i last went out. finally! the feeling of having a lot of people around you having the same excitement (or so i think) as you have really makes you crave more and more. as they say, feel the beat
actually, its been awhile since i last went out with dian eli and bub. damn. fun fun fun! I MISSED EVERYBODY ESPECIALLY ELI. for some sort of reason, our friendships back. we've been irritating each other (i think) for the past weeks and it irritates me more. oh well. were nice to each other again. haha. love oou pseudo karaoke last night inside his car.
to dian my love, everythings gonna be alright! i know they will! KAW PA!
thanks for the night. IM REALLY GONNA MISS U LOTSA LOTS! grabe... i cant even think of nightouts without you. dian = party! hihihihihihi
bubba! love you! hihi la lang
grabe, its been awhile since i last went out. finally! the feeling of having a lot of people around you having the same excitement (or so i think) as you have really makes you crave more and more. as they say, feel the beat
actually, its been awhile since i last went out with dian eli and bub. damn. fun fun fun! I MISSED EVERYBODY ESPECIALLY ELI. for some sort of reason, our friendships back. we've been irritating each other (i think) for the past weeks and it irritates me more. oh well. were nice to each other again. haha. love oou pseudo karaoke last night inside his car.
to dian my love, everythings gonna be alright! i know they will! KAW PA!
thanks for the night. IM REALLY GONNA MISS U LOTSA LOTS! grabe... i cant even think of nightouts without you. dian = party! hihihihihihi
bubba! love you! hihi la lang
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
bang
Talk
finally. i faced one of the so-called consequence if my irresponsibility. grabe! i had to pay Php2000 just for two unreturned vcds! hay.... well overdue na naman ung disks since feb so i guess i really deserve that kind of punishment. i even had to withdraw money from the bank since i didnt have enough (well more of i didnt have anything at all) money awhile ago. tsk tsk tsk. the price i pay for being irresponsible. i believe theres more to come. shit.
after that, me and saby went to bang coffee. i looovveee it there! grabe it had wifi na, nice place pa! love there restrooms too. haha! i love the place sobra.. obviously.
as usual, sab and i talked about different things. just like our other conversations, we eventually talked about doing business together. well, our plans before never really evolved into what we call reality but our idea just hours ago is a sure hit! plus... whats different this time is that were gonna really push through with it.. or so i think lang... haha! but our drive to do it is a start!
Think
If a relationship ends because the person was not
treating you as you deserve then heck no you
can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a
friend. ----- SEX AND THE CITY
finally. i faced one of the so-called consequence if my irresponsibility. grabe! i had to pay Php2000 just for two unreturned vcds! hay.... well overdue na naman ung disks since feb so i guess i really deserve that kind of punishment. i even had to withdraw money from the bank since i didnt have enough (well more of i didnt have anything at all) money awhile ago. tsk tsk tsk. the price i pay for being irresponsible. i believe theres more to come. shit.
after that, me and saby went to bang coffee. i looovveee it there! grabe it had wifi na, nice place pa! love there restrooms too. haha! i love the place sobra.. obviously.
as usual, sab and i talked about different things. just like our other conversations, we eventually talked about doing business together. well, our plans before never really evolved into what we call reality but our idea just hours ago is a sure hit! plus... whats different this time is that were gonna really push through with it.. or so i think lang... haha! but our drive to do it is a start!
Think
If a relationship ends because the person was not
treating you as you deserve then heck no you
can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a
friend. ----- SEX AND THE CITY
Monday, May 23, 2005
yosi overdose
tangna im so bored. two entries in a matter of four hours i think. its 330 already and im still pissed off. i hate computer games. i especially guys' addiction to them. i more specifically hate my bub's addiction to them. cant help it. i become this oh-so-lolaish person to him when we talk about his comp game addiction. haaayyyy.....
selfish. yah thats me. but so what. haha!
gotta stop my non sense chit chats with my laptop. the more i think about this topic the more i get pissed off. but who wouldnt? oh... here i go again..
gotta stop!
selfish. yah thats me. but so what. haha!
gotta stop my non sense chit chats with my laptop. the more i think about this topic the more i get pissed off. but who wouldnt? oh... here i go again..
gotta stop!
queer eye for the girl
DAMN. i need a makeover....
i need not a physical makeover (well maybe i do) but a more of an inside and out kind.... i need something that could turn my life into something meaningful, responsible, and productive. i need something that could make me realize the reality of everything -- that whatever i do, i just couldnt get everything i want.
ive always been in this stage of denial. a stage where i used to think that i could get away with everything and anything (?)like with my expenses, i tend to overspend on things even if i dont really have enough resources for them. with my stupidity, i tend to lie a lot not thinking of the consequences when i get caught. take it from me, one lie could lead to another, bigger lie. damn.
now im bombarded with all these problems that i should have dealt with a long time ago. karma. damn that. damn me. i better know how to make up for everything lost. i better gain something fast! i need a makeover!
i am barely breathing and i cant find the air.
ive come to find. i may never know.
i need not a physical makeover (well maybe i do) but a more of an inside and out kind.... i need something that could turn my life into something meaningful, responsible, and productive. i need something that could make me realize the reality of everything -- that whatever i do, i just couldnt get everything i want.
ive always been in this stage of denial. a stage where i used to think that i could get away with everything and anything (?)like with my expenses, i tend to overspend on things even if i dont really have enough resources for them. with my stupidity, i tend to lie a lot not thinking of the consequences when i get caught. take it from me, one lie could lead to another, bigger lie. damn.
now im bombarded with all these problems that i should have dealt with a long time ago. karma. damn that. damn me. i better know how to make up for everything lost. i better gain something fast! i need a makeover!
i am barely breathing and i cant find the air.
ive come to find. i may never know.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
bulacan
thoughtstrust. hard to give, hard to receive. ive been thinkin a lot about this simple word for days now. its so astonishing how one short word could end up making or breaking a lot of people's relationships. i, for one, have a problem with trust (but hey, im working on it). it just seems like with the kind of culture we have today, kids like me (yeah im still a kid!), tend to do things differently. some cheat on their loved ones. some lie to their parents (hmmmm). some lie to their friends. its everywhere! haaayyyy... the moment u give ur trust to a person, the more u become attached.
i used to cheat. a lot actually. but now that im with someone i really love, i just cant even think of doing it again. not now, at least. if i break his trust, then its gonna be hard for me to get it back again. so as to other relationships. i have this friend who once told me... "its hard to trust coz there's nothing sure in this world anymore"... true true.. but i believe its really up to us to prove that there is actually somethin trustworthy in this world of lies and deception.
eventswhata coincidence! im gonna go to bulacan later for the fiesta...just like last year, we're gonna go to ning's place. what's different this year is that my bubba is comin as well to bulacan with eli. they have a wedding to attend to. i hope they grab the chance to meet up with me and ning later around dinner time. damn im excited already!
BUB's birthday is coming up. got him two gifts already. im gonna buy him another one later. hope he'll like it. uhhhhh..... im excited for that as well! waiting for monday gives me the chills! we something for him. hope he likes it!
i used to cheat. a lot actually. but now that im with someone i really love, i just cant even think of doing it again. not now, at least. if i break his trust, then its gonna be hard for me to get it back again. so as to other relationships. i have this friend who once told me... "its hard to trust coz there's nothing sure in this world anymore"... true true.. but i believe its really up to us to prove that there is actually somethin trustworthy in this world of lies and deception.
eventswhata coincidence! im gonna go to bulacan later for the fiesta...just like last year, we're gonna go to ning's place. what's different this year is that my bubba is comin as well to bulacan with eli. they have a wedding to attend to. i hope they grab the chance to meet up with me and ning later around dinner time. damn im excited already!
BUB's birthday is coming up. got him two gifts already. im gonna buy him another one later. hope he'll like it. uhhhhh..... im excited for that as well! waiting for monday gives me the chills! we something for him. hope he likes it!
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Thursday, May 12, 2005
amber
it seems that when we fall, that's when we land perfectly
love. i learned, and still is learning, about love through my past (and current) relationships. having bad experiences, i believe, are actually better than not having one at all. its better to be hurt so you'll know how to deal with it the next time u fall in love, right?
lust. damn. haha
friends. the true test of friendship is not based on the length of time you were with the person. trust me, ive had these so-called friends for years and yet i can never trust them with my life. real friends are hard to distinguish from the pseudo ones but when i have the feeling that they're real to me, then i never let go.
family. no comment
school. ive fallen. real hard actually. now its time for me to get back up and make up for all the mistakes. (asus! im such a poser!)
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
damn paper
.. and some great need in me starts to bleed. i've lost myself there's nothing left, it's all gone..
...deep inside of you
...deep inside of you
im back!!!!
woooo hooooo!!!!! my blog is alive again!
thanks to saby, my blog can actually prove its purpose! i used to hate the pic i had for my layout (sorry saby pangit talga nung pic e. hehe). but now that saby edited everything for me, im actually ecstatic (yeah, thats the perfect adjective right now!) to be an official blogger once again!
.
because this is my first ever journal (cosnsidering that my last entry was like 6 months ago), this one is an ode to the people i consider as my dear angels.....
this is a tribute to the love of those people who really know me enough to understand, correct, accept, and go along with my actions, judgments, craziness, and criticisms. this is in honor of the people who spend countless hours listening to all the things i have to say, may they be good, bad, amusing, pathetic, overly cheesy or overly hurting.
this is for the people who always take care of me when im drunk and totally clueless of what im doing. this is for those friends who literally become my pillows when i cry myself a river may it be because of a problem or some cheesy movie i just saw(usually tagalog movies.. haha?. a big hug to those people who understand and respect my needs.
this journal goes to all those who spoil me, to those who give in to all my panlalambings just to get something. immature as i could ever be, you still give in to my desires. you call me spoiled but you never fail to spoil me. a special thank you to you guys.
to those who never underestimated me, to those who really believed in my capabilities as a person, i may not say it most of the time but its because of you guys i continue to move on. to those who never fail to tell me all the things i need to hear, i salute you for always putting my feet back on the ground.
to all of you, my dear angels, you dont usually get credit for the wonderful things you do. a toast to you all! this is your vindication!my gratitude go out to you!
family.aidz.mar.ning.eli.jack.sab.gi.taker.moch.jp.wenki.alex.jm.dian.chris.jen.tiff.bok.cousins.ateging.atekarla.anais.kei.rej.icay.jaja.jinx.pasts.drei.cha.ecai.diana.dior.chai.inigo.jodie.stc.admu.iv4.blockF.
.
thanks to saby, my blog can actually prove its purpose! i used to hate the pic i had for my layout (sorry saby pangit talga nung pic e. hehe). but now that saby edited everything for me, im actually ecstatic (yeah, thats the perfect adjective right now!) to be an official blogger once again!
.because this is my first ever journal (cosnsidering that my last entry was like 6 months ago), this one is an ode to the people i consider as my dear angels.....
this is a tribute to the love of those people who really know me enough to understand, correct, accept, and go along with my actions, judgments, craziness, and criticisms. this is in honor of the people who spend countless hours listening to all the things i have to say, may they be good, bad, amusing, pathetic, overly cheesy or overly hurting.
this is for the people who always take care of me when im drunk and totally clueless of what im doing. this is for those friends who literally become my pillows when i cry myself a river may it be because of a problem or some cheesy movie i just saw(usually tagalog movies.. haha?. a big hug to those people who understand and respect my needs.
this journal goes to all those who spoil me, to those who give in to all my panlalambings just to get something. immature as i could ever be, you still give in to my desires. you call me spoiled but you never fail to spoil me. a special thank you to you guys.
to those who never underestimated me, to those who really believed in my capabilities as a person, i may not say it most of the time but its because of you guys i continue to move on. to those who never fail to tell me all the things i need to hear, i salute you for always putting my feet back on the ground.
to all of you, my dear angels, you dont usually get credit for the wonderful things you do. a toast to you all! this is your vindication!my gratitude go out to you!
family.aidz.mar.ning.eli.jack.sab.gi.taker.moch.jp.wenki.alex.jm.dian.chris.jen.tiff.bok.cousins.ateging.atekarla.anais.kei.rej.icay.jaja.jinx.pasts.drei.cha.ecai.diana.dior.chai.inigo.jodie.stc.admu.iv4.blockF.
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