With that said, I shall show you the afflicting horrors of Friendster and its denizens in a brand spanking new column aptly titled:
The Atrocities of Friendster
(WARNING: majority of the pictures can be very scary that you may never ever want to post a picture of yourself anymore!)
To those whose pictures are posted here, im so sorry but you guys really suck in the photography area. (Please take note that im blaming the photos and not the appearances in order to make things easier for you to accept). -karky
Case 1: John
Jon, I just want to say three things to you before I lock myself up in my room and hang myself:
1.Wearing jeans to the gym is just. plain. wrong.
2.Looking at your hair magically transports me back to 1996; the time when the Gwapings and vertically striped shirts with collars reigned supreme.
3.I've seen six year olds with better bodies than you so for the love of everything that's holy; PUT A FUCKING SHIRT ON.
Case 2: Patrick
ROMNICK SARMIENTA! What ever happened to you? I was your biggest fan.
Case 3: Bhabe
After an hour and a half of scouring Friendster for portraits that represent everything that is repugnant and awful in the world, I realized a few things:
1. The world is brimming with ugliness.
2. It's surprising how I haven't committed suicide yet after this activity.
3. I should come up with a pseudonym and stop using my real name.
4. I'm going straight to hell.
5. You guys suck.
Case 4: Sherwin
How to be the star in the prom:
1. Use CY Gabriel bleaching soap liberally on your face.
2. Bring a corpse as your date
Case 5: Gelo
Jericho Rosales is that you?
Case 6: Chard
A rare photograph of a man-sloth. This one hasn't moved for three years hence the thick layer of algae growing on its head. Either that or it rubbed it's head in fecal matter. What a Shithead. get it? Shit head?
Case 7: Melai
Photographer: Pare smile naman dyan!
Orc: Anong pare? Babae ako noh!
Photographer: Di nga?
Orc: SNAK ES AD ARGHHHH!!! (Translated from Orc language: SHOOT THE DAMN PHOTO OR I'LL EAT YOU AND YOUR UNBORN BABIES!!!!!)
Photographer: There is no God. *cries
Case 8: Billy
Ang "Batang Baller": observe the matching sando, baller ID and armband. After this studio pic was taken, he attempted to play basketball in the streets of Tondo wearing this ghastly ensemble where he was summarily beaten within an inch of his life
Case 9: Guido
Mike: I cornered this mutant after he crawled in through the window and found his way to my sofa. He's still there, and I'm still praying to God that he NEVER, as in NEVER EVER take that pillow off where it is right now.
Tim: Oh my God; remember the cartoon series 'Toxic Crusaders?' What the fuck happened to his face? It looks as if he filled the toilet with Muriatic Acid and dunked his head in it.
Mike: 1,000 pesos says there's a hideous man-eating monster under that pillow.
Tim: Nah, I don't want to take your money Mike, you need it for a new Sofa.
Mike: True.
Case 10: BJ
no comment
Case 11: Christian
Mike: God, even Earboy wants to be Superman.
Tim: And what's up with the tablecloth?
Mike: It's tablecloth? I actually thought it was graphing paper.
Tim: What's graphing paper?
Mike: Nevermind
Case 12: The Gang
Uhh
Case 13: Loren
OH MY GOD! I'LL PAY ANYBODY 5,000 PESOS TO GET THIS THING OFF MY MONITOR!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT APPLIED TOO MUCH ASTRINGENT ON ITS FACE OR IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK! EITHER WAY, I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S CARNIVOROUS.
Case 14: Phil
Some people pretend they're rich. Some people pretend they're superheroes. This guy pretends he's heterosexual. Awful job chap, awful job.
Case 15: Jack
Well well well! Congratulations for inheriting your mother's boobs! Feel free to write me an angry email. No need to put little hearts and flowers at the top though cause the idea that you would like them there is pretty much established. The same applies to attached pictures of you in a fluffy pink tutu, you hunky piece of meat you.
Case 16: Rodel
Pau: The science committee presents their latest discovery: The Abominable, awfully disfigured snow fag.
Mike: Shhhhhh!!! It can hear us!
Pau: His Her Its face sorta reminds me of a barren desert.
Mike: And look! There's some sort of insect crawling out of its ears!
Pau: Would you sleep with this thing for 50,000 bucks?
Mike: Hell no!
Pau: 55,000 bucks?
Mike: Deal!
Case 17: Totnakerns
Imagine waking up with this thing beside your bed. It's like the worst nightmare you could ever have. Imagine the type you can never wake up and actually die from. Imagine that. Only gayer.
1 comment:
I remember this because I was then a victim of this blogger. Fortunately, my pic was not included here in your blog entry. :) Now I just laugh at the thought of it.
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