Here I go again: A Conversation with Kar

Uh-oh! What have I gotten myself into? KAR! ANO BA! Are you sure about that? Tangina. Better think twice. Or thrice. I know you like, on second thought LOVE nalang, what you just did but what the hell WE/Are you thinking? Can you handle it one more time? Kaya mo? I hope so.

Make things right this time around.

i love the you and me boys

.. and they love me!

Last night was supposed to be a perfectly fun night of poker until this fucker tried to ruin part of MY evening. You asshole just said one the meanest things I have ever heard in my life and I can never let you get away with that! Trust me on that one. The next time I see you without my friend backing you up, tangna, your ass is mine!

You just messed with the wrong girl, honey! Why? Here’s a list:

1. I may be too friendly most of the time, but the moment my feelings and friends get offended and hurt merely by anyone or anything, including animals like you, I can be one of the meanest girls you’ll ever meet in your whole lifetime.


2. Don’t go pretending like you’re some hotshot know-it-all coz you’re basically not. You look a lot more jologs than anyone in the tournament. I have HIGH STANDARDS when it comes to guys’ clothes you know. From what I heard last night, you have high standards too.


3. I am officially the only girl in the barkada. You mess with me, you mess with a lot of guys that are obviously way more capable of beating you up, even individually.

4. You showed us this aura of poker-greatness but by the time we all started playing, I never saw you actually showing off your so-called greatness. Tss!

5. You said one of the worst lies about me in front of Eli, my dear bestfriend. Definitely a wrong move.


Now, here are some reasons why my night ended way better than I expected:

1. I am very lucky with the guy friends that I have. They’re really sweet. By the time they heard about the things that that asshole said about me, I looked at their faces and they all looked frustrated. Not that I want them to feel that way, but their reactions and expressions gave me the assurance that I am really special to them.

2. A special thanks to them for wanting to beat the hell out of the guy. Especially you my Bok, I am really touched.

3. JP: you don’t have to say sorry. It’s not your fault.

4. They think I’m pretty! Yay! Bwahahahahaha

5. Congratulations to Eli! I’m so proud of you! I finished 8th place at the tournament and I’m proud of that! I could have finished higher if it wasn’t for that guy that I badly wanted to leave. Unluckily, he gave in to my bluff. Revenge is bad.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

_
i cried while listening to this song for the first time.
goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. its time to accept that some things are better not spoken. we just have to let things be.

Shane of The L Word

you make me wanna.

Perils of Friendster

Tried opening my old yahoo account an hour ago, wishing there's something worth reading. Lo and behold, i came upon the email Chris sent me about Friendster and how it can be a world of superficial acquaintances, a place of insincere empathy, of shallow love affairs and a preying ground for stalkers, weirdos, and 15 year olds who'd orgasm seeing text containing any combination of words with dick, shaft, hole, mountain, cyclops, ice cream, salt or bicycle in them. It is the realm of the pretentious, the pseudo-intellectual, and more often than not, the aesthetically challenged.

With that said, I shall show you the afflicting horrors of Friendster and its denizens in a brand spanking new column aptly titled:

The Atrocities of Friendster

(WARNING: majority of the pictures can be very scary that you may never ever want to post a picture of yourself anymore!)

To those whose pictures are posted here, im so sorry but you guys really suck in the photography area. (Please take note that im blaming the photos and not the appearances in order to make things easier for you to accept). -karky

Case 1: John

Jon, I just want to say three things to you before I lock myself up in my room and hang myself:
1.Wearing jeans to the gym is just. plain. wrong.
2.Looking at your hair magically transports me back to 1996; the time when the Gwapings and vertically striped shirts with collars reigned supreme.
3.I've seen six year olds with better bodies than you so for the love of everything that's holy; PUT A FUCKING SHIRT ON.

Case 2: Patrick

ROMNICK SARMIENTA! What ever happened to you? I was your biggest fan.

Case 3: Bhabe

After an hour and a half of scouring Friendster for portraits that represent everything that is repugnant and awful in the world, I realized a few things:
1. The world is brimming with ugliness.
2. It's surprising how I haven't committed suicide yet after this activity.
3. I should come up with a pseudonym and stop using my real name.
4. I'm going straight to hell.
5. You guys suck.

Case 4: Sherwin

How to be the star in the prom:
1. Use CY Gabriel bleaching soap liberally on your face.
2. Bring a corpse as your date

Case 5: Gelo

Jericho Rosales is that you?

Case 6: Chard

A rare photograph of a man-sloth. This one hasn't moved for three years hence the thick layer of algae growing on its head. Either that or it rubbed it's head in fecal matter. What a Shithead. get it? Shit head?

Case 7: Melai

Photographer: Pare smile naman dyan!
Orc: Anong pare? Babae ako noh!
Photographer: Di nga?
Orc: SNAK ES AD ARGHHHH!!! (Translated from Orc language: SHOOT THE DAMN PHOTO OR I'LL EAT YOU AND YOUR UNBORN BABIES!!!!!)
Photographer: There is no God. *cries

Case 8: Billy

Ang "Batang Baller": observe the matching sando, baller ID and armband. After this studio pic was taken, he attempted to play basketball in the streets of Tondo wearing this ghastly ensemble where he was summarily beaten within an inch of his life

Case 9: Guido

Mike: I cornered this mutant after he crawled in through the window and found his way to my sofa. He's still there, and I'm still praying to God that he NEVER, as in NEVER EVER take that pillow off where it is right now.
Tim: Oh my God; remember the cartoon series 'Toxic Crusaders?' What the fuck happened to his face? It looks as if he filled the toilet with Muriatic Acid and dunked his head in it.
Mike: 1,000 pesos says there's a hideous man-eating monster under that pillow.
Tim: Nah, I don't want to take your money Mike, you need it for a new Sofa.
Mike: True.

Case 10: BJ

no comment

Case 11: Christian

Mike: God, even Earboy wants to be Superman.
Tim: And what's up with the tablecloth?
Mike: It's tablecloth? I actually thought it was graphing paper.
Tim: What's graphing paper?
Mike: Nevermind

Case 12: The Gang

Uhh

Case 13: Loren

OH MY GOD! I'LL PAY ANYBODY 5,000 PESOS TO GET THIS THING OFF MY MONITOR!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT APPLIED TOO MUCH ASTRINGENT ON ITS FACE OR IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK! EITHER WAY, I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S CARNIVOROUS.

Case 14: Phil

Some people pretend they're rich. Some people pretend they're superheroes. This guy pretends he's heterosexual. Awful job chap, awful job.

Case 15: Jack

Well well well! Congratulations for inheriting your mother's boobs! Feel free to write me an angry email. No need to put little hearts and flowers at the top though cause the idea that you would like them there is pretty much established. The same applies to attached pictures of you in a fluffy pink tutu, you hunky piece of meat you.

Case 16: Rodel

Pau: The science committee presents their latest discovery: The Abominable, awfully disfigured snow fag.
Mike: Shhhhhh!!! It can hear us!
Pau: His Her Its face sorta reminds me of a barren desert.
Mike: And look! There's some sort of insect crawling out of its ears!
Pau: Would you sleep with this thing for 50,000 bucks?
Mike: Hell no!
Pau: 55,000 bucks?
Mike: Deal!

Case 17: Totnakerns

Imagine waking up with this thing beside your bed. It's like the worst nightmare you could ever have. Imagine the type you can never wake up and actually die from. Imagine that. Only gayer.

brain drain

had another interesting at starbucks today. shared my table with another unexceptionally smart person (the last interesting morning was with max). too bad i forgot his name (shows how stupid i can get sometimes). its so intriguing how people can get so knowledgeable about a lot of things, majority of which are stuff we often see as unimportant, but once "the smarts" talk about things like they're one of the most interesting topics in the world, you suddenly enter their world of dorkiness, wishing that someday you'll be like them. these people just have that certain aura i can never really explain exactly, that can get people intimidated by them and at the same time drawn to them.

--
a lot of my friends are graduating this march. major reality check kar! im happy for them that's for sure, but its gonna be hard for me to go to their grad parties, unable to feel the unexplainable happiness that they'll expectedly be feeling.

--
its been a long, long, long time since i honestly talked about this feeling of regret whenever i pass by ateneo. when i see myself wearing my MC uniform, i sometimes have to remind myself: 'you're smart.' and i am. i definitely am. leaving ateneo after almost three years their doesnt make me less of a person, nor can it already give other people the idea that i'm not as smart anymore. correct me if im wrong but i even think that im smarter than some of those ateneans who are at the moment ordering their togas.

uh. too much of the self-upliftment.

my footnote to youth

post valentines message to everybody.

From the Eraserheads song “With a Smile”: ‘cause in a world where everybody hates a happy ending story, it’s no wonder love can make the world go round.

Youth has always been the favorite victim of that complicated, vague word we all call love. It is amazing though how such an experience, the tremendous feeling of loving somebody, can be so simple to the youth, to those who feel it for the first time. As the cliché goes, love is blind. Kids today sure prove hat saying as true. Amidst all the chaos and injustice happening at the present, those in love act like there is no other feeling in the world than blissfulness. It its love that gives lovers the feeling that nothing else matters other than their pure love, or so they call it.

Love to youth can be a do or die thing. The youth has always been the great defender of love, fighting for it up to the very end, without caring about the consequences of their actions. It’s very evident nowadays, kids doing anything for love. Some elope, some get pregnant to keep the relationship, some engage in premarital sex all for the sake of expressing their deep affection for the one they love. A lot of parents think that the love the youth believes in is not the type to be taken seriously. I honestly think they are just selfish – selfish in a way that they hinder their kids from being happy, even if it is just for a moment, just because they’re so caught up with the reality of reality.

To me, it is the greatest feeling – being in love. I still think and feel that love is still, and will always be the same. Call it pathetic, impractical even, but when you really think about it, love may be the only genuine thing that we can get from all the lies and deceitfulness in this world. My advice to adults then? Give love, the crazy, foolish, kind, another chance. It won’t hurt if they leave reality behind for a while and love like nobody’s judging them.

sabrinka

fuck. wasnt able to post anything about my dear fab friend who just had her birthday, two, err, or a day ago. anyhoo, ISABEL AGATHA a sweetest birthday greeting to you. my god, is this true? for i don't know how many years already, one of the sure events in my to-do-for-the-year list is to go to your party and have fun. i bet next year, i'll have to edit that list. sab, im hoping that this wont be the last 'sab's birthday' i get to spend with you. you're leaving soon. not that soon actually, but it's near enough for me to start getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. i love you honey, you know that. hope you had a fab time last saturday. you deserve all the love in the world.

my insights

reflections: Ermita, A filipino novel by F. Sionil Jose. read it, it's captivating to the very last page.


Such colorful individuals we are in this huge canvass that is called life, and yet there’s this one thing that would always unify us, and that’s happiness.

“We move on, we build and create because we are unhappy” –Didi Gamboa

Ermita, to me, is not about “an enclave of privilege and affluence, and the putrefaction of a society.” F. Sionil Jose’s “Ermita”, I believe, is a story about that great search for genuine happiness, not just by Ermi, but also by all the other characters, amidst their backgrounds, social status, beliefs, and way of living. It is their search for that “something unknown” that actually made the whole novel more interesting, more captivating to the very last page.

Happiness can never be found in things that are physical, that’s one thing I picked up from the novel. Happiness can only be found in love, the kind that demands nothing in return. It is in this genuine love that a person can feel the contentment, that unexplainable happiness, only a few of us could ever experience and appreciate.

Robert Fulghum said: “I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts – that hope always triumphs over experience – that laughter is the only cure for grief.” I believe so too. I believe that hope, the ultimate driving force, makes us strong individuals as we face different challenges along the path to happiness. It is already innate in us humans to look for something more. Sadly though, a lot of us, myself included, find happiness in all the wrong places. I can’t blame them. Even Rolando Cruz thinks so too: “There is so much dishonesty today, not just in government but in business. Perhaps sex is the only honest thing left.” My god, is Rolando right in saying that? If so, will we ever find true happiness? What if the real hindrance to our own happiness is ourselves?

Living now in a materialistic world, it is so easy for money and power to trick us, letting us feel that there’s no better joy than acquiring them. Those with weak and distorted foundation fall easily into the trap of deceit. True though that for a moment, one would feel the “happiness” that money and power bring. If I were to become powerful, and rich, a lot of people would automatically love me, adore me even. By then I could afford everything, though I doubt that I’ll be contented. Too much dependence on the material and the physical, including sex, can bring negative effects to ourselves, to others, and to God. Dependency, in fact, is the inability to experience wholes, or to function adequately without the certainty that one is actively cared for by another. Take Ermi for example. She had everything during her peak – luxurious cars, mink coats, a well used passport, and the like, but she was never completely happy.

Dependency, on the contrary, can be healthy too. We all have desires to be cared for by persons stronger than us who have our interests truly at heart. Come to think of it, we need the presence of others to be truly happy. We need to know, to feel, that we are also needed by others. If not, then existence has no value.

There are definitely things that money can’t buy – happiness is one. It is not in having everything that a person becomes truly happy. It is in having some, and being thankful for all the gifts received, appreciating them as much as one can. Happiness is always rooted in love, the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s growth.

When happiness comes knocking, never let it pass, for it only comes once. No one is too old to experience happiness; there’s no such thing as too late. All you have to do is be sensitive of its presence. For all we know, its been there all along. We were just foolish enough to believe that there are far better things. Reality is, not all situations have better sides to them. All that’s left is what’s there the whole time, wanting to be appreciated for all its effort. No one wants to be like Ermi, regretful in the end, right?

restless

my life is so steady right now that i need something exciting to break the consistency that's taking over my system. help me put here. all i need is a little difference and that's it. too tired of school, cant say im fed up with all the parties.

All we need is our lives in a suitcase,
They belong to a friend of a friend,
And as we drink to ourselves we'll amuse ourselves,
Underneath the sky, underneath the sky again.

back to basics

the backstreet boys concert


the backstreet boys groupies

Back to Basics:
1. ive been having this 90's thing lately, listening to nothing but backstreet boys, nsync, spice girls even. it's so fascinating how some people my age, or even older, unexpectedly know old school pop songs. *thinking of boom right now* good thing i went to the bsb concert. i was supposed to miss the whole event if third didnt call that fateful afternoon.

2. diet. yada-yada. call me hypocrite but i now want to go on a strict diet. wasnt much of a fan before, but i guess certain things do change overnight. ive been getting good comments lately so there's nothing/noone stopping me now.

3. ?????? god im confused again, help me please.

random rants

hard to believe but everything feels so okay. major cutting of classes this week for me though. seems like part of the okay im talking about is staying away from things that give me stress - school. uhh. i cant wait for the weekend.

i cant wait to start my new investment. i hope it works coz i'll really be pissed off it it doesn't.

tonette is leaving tomorrow. i'll definitely miss her. looking forward to seeing her soon! i wanna go to new york again soon and bum with all of her college friends there! i hope she gives me one of her pants!

im out. i have to get ready for the play. scary shit. i hope fortez appreciates the play we've been practicing for the past days.

cobwebs

ahh, the wonders of vacation. it leaves me no time to update my blog.

some holiday highlights will do:
- went to batangas with aidz and my cousins and vivienne
- tonette is here! she's hot. i thought we'd never get along, but two cigarettes made all the difference. everybody (i.e sab, gi, aidz) loved her. i love her now. we snuck out of the house one night (me, anais, and tonette) so that she could meet some of my friends. gail, arvin, and lex were there for awhile too. grabe, what a night. who would actually believe we were able to meet two germans that same night?
- went to tagaytay twice with cousins, i think. or was it once lang?
- went to chris' party/poker night
- slept at aica's houses almost all the time
- inuman/poker night at ate len's condo. after that night, we were all hooked to that game.
- slept at edsa shangri-la hotel with cousins
- went to arvin's place with sab, lex, gail, arvin, ryan, john
- the 'girly night' with sab. tangna, that was the night of all nights, the highlight of the holidays. went to three bars/inuman places (let's be posers shall we?) that night. tons of ego-boost, tons of regret too. haha. i get the creeps just thinking about it. dont get me wrong sab, i had the funnest fun with you!
- bought aidz his poker set
- bummed with sab a lot, as always

I MISS YOU HAMMIE :(

girlosophy

the art of living.
(got this from dd's blog)

*appreciate the smallest things
*be gracious in both victory and defeat
*you need butterflies in your heart, not your stomach
*failure is not an option, because ot doesn't exist
*when it comes to falling in love: no chase, no trying too hard, no obsession, just let it be
*a bestfriend forgives foibles, overlooks shortcomings, and accepts, even cherishes idiosyncrasies
*keep your heart sweet
*let it flow, there's nothing wrong with tears
*choose to be happy, you have the power
*clean up your act, edit your life. keep what is useful, important, and beautiful
*learn to be alone. it helps you grow
*believe in magic, you walk in it


life is beautiful if you let it be beautiful. beauty shouldn't just be an opinion, it's a state of mind. one rule i live by: always think you're beautiful. if you think of yourself as anything less than that, then how could other people see your beauty? find those things that make you beautiful, both inside and out, and enhance it. i read this line from my starbucks planner (haha bragging) awhile ago: when you find your favorite, your favorite becomes you.

SWEET HOLIDAYS EVERYONE. ;)

here we go

christmas break once again! cheers to the happy holidays we all should be experiencing!
my christmas jitters are all gone. im loving the season already.

- got the 'glow' bloom cream that ive long been wanting, thanks to chris rabonza! such a sweetie
- sab gave me a nice top. wore it already honey.
- thea and moya's party drew's. it was all fun before someone stole her nice phone. sayang.
- joseph's party was nice. everybody was there. oh, and that famous trupo of his was present too. tss.
- my ateneo barkada party was a blast. though only three of us actually followed the 'wear white top' rule, we all had a great time. loved the food. i ate so much i had to vommit. missed my bitches!
- quattro with eli, jp, sab, and moch. surprisingly, a lot of people we knew were there! gail and pio. reji and the gang. weird night. we stayed there til the waiters were actually cleaning up already.
- one bad thing though, im missing aidz. he went to hongkong with his family. bummer. missing him already (even though he was gone for at least 5 hours pa lang)
- tonette, my true blue new yorker cousin, will be spending christmas here with us. gotta prepare for that. ;)

christmas jitters

its getting colder, im getting sicker.

yup, christmas is slowly taking over my entire system, telling me its THE time for gift giving. i hate it. im totally broke. i barely have enough money for gifts. making my christmas list is now harder, and must i add, more challenging. when you have little money for others, you'll be forced to be a little bit wiser and a lot more kuripot than usual. it's either you give only pricey gifts to people really close to you, or you go shopping for somewhat non-sense gifts for everybody.

my list is definitely shorter this year. :( reality bites. i used to give gifts to everyone i love. its just saddening whenever you downgrade your anything. i hate that my christmas list is the one i have to downgrade this year. it's always fun to give gifts, and for someone who loves receiving knick knacks, i feel somewhat obliged to repay everyone the little joys they give me.

i know, i know. the world is not that materialistic and if morrie (of tuesdays with morrie) was to talk to me right now, he'd say that material things are for-the-meantime kind of happiness only. yada-yada. all i want is for everybody to receive the stuff they really want. im really bummed that i can't give everyone that. sigh.

i have one hand in my pocket, and the other one is giving a peace sign.

jologs

fine. guilty as charged. watched the big night of pinoy big brother. hated wency cordero (whatever his name is) and willie revillame. such posers. loved marielle's dresses though.

anyway, since i was in the jologs mood once again, i tried watching master showman. yah. the famous walang tulugan. saw hero and alas, i was once again amazed by his charm. this is what i get for being at home on a RAINY saturday night.

here's my list of jologs favorites:
- i have a crush on hero angeles. shut up.
- i love tagalog movies. as a matter of fact, i watch a lot of filipino stuff. i just never went ballistic over telenovelas. im not really fond of them. well, except when F4 was the talk of the town. ha! went crazy over that show. who would have thought asianovelas would actually click.
- i love showbiz talks.
- i religiously watch sop-asap every sunday.
- id rather take the risk of shopping in 168mall or tutuban just to get the cheapest, yet still as nice as the expensive clothes ever.
- i love alessandra de rossi. (did i spell her name correctly?)
- i get starstruck whenever i see showbiz people.
i know there are lots more, but im too lazy to even think.

i need a break.

3 ways to be happy

learned this from my dear gi ;)

1. count your blessings
2. stay away from the people who hurt you
3. shit, i forgot. gi help!

emails

we were never really the email sending kind of couples. this message was different though. mushy, yes. its the effort from him that i'm more happy about.

from aidz:
14 things i'll do for my bubba
1. tell her she looks pretty
2. write her a note
3. just walk around with her
4. let her fall asleep in your arms
5. CALL HER
6. call her back if she calls you
7. get her ad then kiss her
8. give her space if she needs it
9. stay up with her all night
10. when shes sad, hangout with her
11. stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything
12. look into her eyes
13. sit outside with her & look at the stars
14. kiss her in the rain

thank you.

idlip

in the arms of make-believe, sleep will set you free