Coming Clean

Oftentimes I stare blankly at the ceiling of my room and wonder why I became who I was now. I always end up more puzzled and more hurt than when I started.
I think I’m tired of playing games. I’m finally done.

To all the people that I’ve hurt before, to those who I’m hurting now, I am genuinely sorry. My heart aches for every heart break that I’ve caused and whatever happened then, whatever’s happening now, I believe all of it were my fault, my own stupid doings.

I’ve been blessed to have that weird gift of choosing the loyal, innately good ones and that makes everything even worse. You’re all right, maybe I don’t deserve the best of you. Maybe I don’t deserve any goodness any more. But that’s for God to decide. Whatever his decision is though, I’m willing to accept it.

Karma’s a rich bitch. I don’t know when my payback’s gonna come but I have to be ready. I dread the day that it’ll hit me but I guess that’s what I could expect from being the bad, bad person that I’ve been.

To the people that I’ve hurt, I hope you know that even if I’ve hurt you in any way, I’ve loved you deeply and you’ll always stay in my heart. Every memory is kept, every effort, gift, love gave are valued. I hope that even after all my short comings, my love that I have given is never doubted.

1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

If you could see past my mistakes, past all the hurt, then you’ll see my heart, my love.