Ms. Halfway goes all the way

But these places and these faces are getting old, so I'm going home to the place where I belong - CLOTHES.

Ever since I got hold of that magazine that featured people with success stories ages ago, I've had countless attempts to actualize my small dreams with friend/s.
Sure, the passion for the dream mini businesses was so there, but the willingness to finalize the ideas was not present at all. Laziness got the best of us before so now that I'm giving a go signal to this new idea, I'm not letting stupid laziness get in the way again.

I have a good team with me and if ever God tests me with people who will eventually become lazy at the middle of the whole process, I know I can still count on one person to go with me all the way.


Cross your fingers and wish us luck. It's not gonna be easy.

I’m gonna burn, I’m gonna shine and multiply
I’m gonna fill up the great divide
You’ll never break me with all the things you say
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”

Makes You and I Wonder

I'm sick of people putting all their doubts on me. I DO NOT LIE ALL THE TIME. My lies are selective. I lie so as not to hurt other people. They are not white lies though. They are lies to prevent me from hurting the people closest to me, plus it makes me get away with the little nasty deeds that I USED to do. You're right, there's no point in lying. So I'll try stopping for you.

I'm trying to change that "habit" now. I don't wanna add more CSIs on my list. Can't you see me trying? Don't I get at least an appreciation statement or something? I love you, I always do. I NEVER lie about my feelings, everybody knows that.

Maybe when I get to have that chance to be someone else and have a relationship with myself for a month, I'd be terrified and paranoid as hell too. I wouldn't know when and how to believe me when things get too suspicious. I'd check text messages and call registers too. In fact, I'd do everything you do.

Don't you oftentimes think that it's way better when we just enjoy our moments together instead of spending too much time interrogating OR fighting over who called me, who texted me, yada yada yada?! It's becoming a bit dragging, just so you know.

Wanna know how to catch me when I'm lying? Shout at me. I get scared when someone does that to me 'cause it reminds me of my angry mom. Go no holds barred shouting until you feel like you've said all your frustrations. If you're lucky, maybe I'll tell you the truth (assuming I'm lying at that particular moment). Wanna make sure what I told you was true? Ask the same questions to me after a month. The true answers are the ones that linger in my Dory-ish memory. If I don't give you the same answer, then for I'm sure dead.

There. Case closed.

Cupcake

I never knew a simple cupcake would make things a lot better. Nice save Sonja!

My Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

La Copa

La Copa will behaving a private sale and I will be participating there again as an event stylist. I will be having private invitations so if you guys want to come just let me know! The clothes are to die for, trust me!

In preparation for our new collection, La Copa is having a sale event at Mancor Corporate Center, the Fort on June 15-17.

Don't miss the chance to get a hold of the last few pieces of our present collection - unique items only La Copa has to offer.

Message me on my tagboard for more details or check out lacopastory.blogspot.com.

He is so back!

Elliot Yamin!!

I just can't let this day pass without giving him credit. He is so hot with that "Im a neanderthal" look! Who would have thought?! Seriously, I can't believe he's back!

He's one of the few people in AI with a pure and humble heart that's why it's so nice to see him really make it in the music industry! (unlike those old contestants who would bet on their lives just to prove to the world that they'll make it big after being booted off the show but ages after, still no single from them!) I love love love Yamin! Remember his grandma? Or was it his mom? Either way, I love her too.

Didn't see it coming, swear. Katherine McPhee and Chris Daughtry would be automatic stars but Elliot? Wow! The moment he sang on AI, I got my laptop and downloaded it! It's the very first time I've ever done that while watching the show. I didn't do it when Kelly Pickler sang.

I guess dreams do come true to some people. Good for them! Good for that cutie Elliot! I will so support him, I swear.

Three posts in one day. Oh wow. Bored as hell.

I Take It Back

Everything I've said on the previous post, I take it all back.

I am not living the life that I want. I want the best of both worlds. In fact, I always do. But norms, values, and all that crap tell me I can't. Why can't I just be happy with everything? Why do I have to be happy on one side, and depressed on the other? People think I've mastered the art of living two lives. Contrary to popular belief, I still consider myself an amateur. I don't wanna get used to spending my life divided.

It's your laughter that won't let me go. God.

I don't wanna be everyone's "favorite mistake". Im tired of that. I wanna be someone good to them. Now everything's so wrong. I feel so bad. As in really.

God, I feel like Meredith: dark and twisty.

I still wanna be Tori Amos though. I wanna be free from all this and do everything without people telling me I've gotten out of my mind.

A Sorta Fairytale

While waiting for Vir for lunch awhile ago, I overheard two friends talking. They were both a little old but from the way they sat, talked, and laughed, it was very evident that they were pretty strong and still energetic for their age.

Girl: "Nakakainis my kids! They kept on calling and calling! They're now in America living the lives that they wanted. They wanted to be independent and so I finally let them go. For once I want to live my own life. Now that Im pretty old, Id like to travel! I want to go places and I have enough money for it! I have provided all my kids their own houses in La Vista and in the US and now all I want is a condo where I can relax everytime I go home from a vacation. I need one, you know!"

Boy: "Then I'll go with you! Punta tayo Milan next week you want?"

Girl: "Sige!"

They didn't seem like lovers to me. They just looked like two old friends who have remained that way since forever. I would love that too.

Im happy Im living my life the way I want it to be right now. There might be little disappointments on the side, but at least I get to live my life the way I want it to be. I don't want to grow old and imagine the what couldve been life. I want to take things slow, absorb every thing that's happening and let it all sink in. I dont want to forget. I dont want to be forgotten.

Look at how free Tori Amos is. She's such a goddess. I love her

A Certain Romance

The point's that there ain't no romance around there, and there's the truth that they can't see. They'd probably like to throw a punch at me and if you could only see them, then you would agree that there ain't no romance around there.

They'll never listen 'cause their minds are made up and, OF COURSE, it's all okay to carry on that way

Over there there's broken bones, and it don't take no Sherlock Holmes to see it's a little different.

I should have said:
No! Oh no!
Well you won't get me to go!
Not anywhere, not anywhere
No I won't go

But as expected, I didn't.

Over there there's friends of mine. What can I say, I've known 'em for a long long time and yah, they might overstep the line but I just cannot get angry in the same way.


Wish me luck. I'll be going to some place I know I'll be too uncomfortable to even talk. Guardian angel, be with me tonight.

Caring is creepy

One minute we're the best of friends, or so others assume we are, next minute we can't bear seeing each other. It's never gonna end, huh? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother reaching out. It's so useless that from now on, I'd rather do my own pedicure and manicure than reach out to you guys. And to think I hate doing that.


I do deserve pretty things because.. well I just do. I'm your fucking daughter for crying out loud! I have the right to leech from your so-called riches and use it to my advantage in any way possible. But do I actually get to have that luxury? Sige, fine, sometimes. But when you compare my status with Bobby's, or Patricia's even, God, you wouldn't even consider me part of the family anymore! I swear. I was jealous before but now, I don't even know what to feel. I hope I'm that jaded but I'm still not.

Pucha, SO WHAT. Fine, buy Bobby his second car. Fine, give him my new laptop 'cause you think he needs it more than I do. Go ahead, looks like he's missing out on a lot of things anyway. I'm happy being the person you don't text anymore. I'm happy that I get to go to anywhere I want to, whenever I want to. I'm finally free from you guys. Finally.

This is so relaxing. Weird.

Long live comfort in strangeness! I want you.

La Copa

"Karen, would you like to be a stylist for the La Copa Sample Sale?" - Warner
"Kelan?!" - me

Fab couture + Fab, fun friends and familiar faces = Love.

Being a stylist was more of a hobby than a job to me. After the call from Warner, I literally jumped for joy. I was gonna do the one thing that I learned to love - being a stylist! Call me shallow, maarte, feeling, superficial, whatever! I do not care. I get to be surrounded by pretty clothes plus I get to see the former Tyler people again! Who would wanna miss that?

Working for 7 hours waiting for elite, stylish customers was nothing compared to what I've been through before so the whole event was a stroll in the park. Wawa the other girls though who weren't used to the demands of the job; they all looked so tired after the first day. There's so many ugly things in the world that being surrounded by beautiful creations is an opportunity.

I finally convinced myself that the pregnant look is so not for me. I actually look pregnant whenever I wear those items so I guess I'll stick to the body-shaping clothes.

Pieces I love:

oh and Rej's shoes too! To die for!

Tyler faves: Di, Warner, Rej, Sugar, Sid, Jorja, Ida, Na, Abby, Nica, Lala

I missed you guys!

On a High

Overtime on the very first day at work. Crazy!

I was assigned to the Planning Department and I love it! It's way better than the Creatives, I think. I love love love iiiitttt. Pucha need I say more?!

The moment I sat down on (take note) my desk, (Yes, I have my own space and Im proud of it. E so kung mababaw?!), Sir Ray said: "Ok, here's what we're gonna do." Imagine, not even 30 mins spared for company intro and the crap! We were rushing for the deadline tomorrow. He showed me everything that I was to do and to tell you honestly, the more he enumerated everything that I had to do, the more I got kilig. Who wouldn't?! I was even solely assigned to that one project that's due on Friday and I haven't started anything yet! It's such a high I can't stop daydreaming about what's gonna happen tomorrow! Going to work is way better than any drug out there.

Oh and the other newbies are way fun too!

Okay. I believe I have to stop now. I look like a person who hasn't eaten in months salivating over a piece of bread.

Aspac Advertising: Global Creative Business

Our Philosophy :

Who We Are

We are communication partners focused on brand creation and re-creation. We strive to create a compelling market advantage for our Clients by leveraging the tools of marketing communications.

What We Do

We constantly seek out ways to do things better not for the sake of being different, but in the pursuit of business success for our Clients.

What We Believe In

1. We believe that a great agency can outsmart the competition without needing to outspend them.
2. We believe that brilliant creativity is an unfair advantage in the marketplace.
3. We believe that constantly challenging the status quo ensures the best and most effective work.
4. That a client list should be handpicked and small, so agency principals and key people can stay neck-deep in client business.

www.aspac.com.ph

Tomorrow's my first day. Wish me luck!

Sumammer na!

And to think I expected this summer to be a boring one.

Reasons why I should my summer is worth a one biiig smile from ear to ear:
1. BEACH
a. Bora with my bitches: 6 days, 5 nights all expenses paid! It was all perfect - fab group, fab beach, fab crowd, fab resort, not to mention the fab picnic we had while watching the sunset (complete with sparkling and red wine, blue cheese, and chocolates courtesy of Raffy). Beer + beach + friends = perfect.

b. Puerto: Oh yes, my MC lovies will be there. Can't wait.

c. Calatagan: Only girlies are allowed.

2. OJT
San Miguel was the first to accept me. They wanted me to start asap because they needed someone like me daw. What the hell did that mean? Anyway, I turned it down 'cause I had to go to the beach first. Haha. Sayang but sokey! Then there's GMA. I did almost all the processes already; I sent the letters, got my good moral for the company and attended the orientation. In the end though, I had to turn the offer down again. They were gonna place me at their Legal Division. COME ON. I am not up for that. Then there's Six Degrees Strategic Design. It's an Ad Agency that focuses on low budget advertising. I am really interested. I might try there if there's time left this summer.

Finally. Right when I was feeling sad because I didn't have a multinational company to go to (Oh yes, it should be multinational. Otherwise, my dad will get so disappointed), ASPAC Advertising texts me to say that I have an interview the very next day! Everything went well. I love it. Im part of the Creatives and I'm so fucking proud of it! Yey.

Post Secrets

Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. If we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world.

Here are some secrets of strangers that I believe can be mine as well.
I don't want to grow old. If possible, I want to die when I'm 50 already. Ok fine, at most is 55. I'm afraid to be useless. I'm terrified that someday, nobody will ever want me anymore, and that I will have no value to anyone, not even to the ones I consider as my family. I want to be remembered as someone who loved life and not someone who, in the end, became a depressed looking-out-the-window type of old person.
I've been lied to so many times in my life, but lying to someone is, for some reason, the worst feeling. It's not the lying that's hard 'cause truth is , lying is one of the easiest things to do in the world. It's the thought of the person that's been lied to finding out about the whole lying thing. It's never gonna be easy and fun to hurt someone.

Cmon, I bet everyone's done this already.
I usually tell this to myself when I'm drunk and I see someone cute. I just can't help it sometimes. What more if all the guys in the world are 300-ish?! My God, I'll be a slut then, and I won't be ashamed of it. For now though, I'll be settled with dirty thoughts.

Thank God! If they're not as screwed up as they are now, I could have committed isolation due to no fun from the outside world. I love that my friends are drunkards. I love that they are magnets of problems. I love that we are all crazy, fucked up people. That makes us one hellava fun group! I don't care whether or not they really are bad influences. As long as I'm happy and as long as they're not ruining my studies, I'm fine with the everyday drinking.Who isn't?!

Naked and Sacred

This world can be so cold, I wanna hold you naked and sacred 'til I grow old. I wanna be good for you, I wanna be true.

I am, sadly, needy by nature. You say I am not easily contented with what I have, but if you'll look a little closer, you'll see that all I actually need is you. And with you, I have peace.

By the way!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is nothing wrong with being needy, more so materialistic. There are so many beautiful things in this world and it's up to us to appreciate them. Haha BULL! Look, even the Pope wears Prada!

"He may never make the best-dressed lists, but Pope Benedict XVI is nothing short of a religious-fashion icon, riding in the Popemobile with red Prada loafers under his cassock and Gucci shades. But his penchant for designer wear and a move to ditch the papal tailors who have dressed popes for more than 200 years are causing new wrinkles in the Vatican. Benedict has favored his tailor from his days as cardinal, Alessandro Cattaneo, and the 20-year-old religious-fashion house of Raniero Mancinelli, which has provided the pope with dazzling new vestments (some with shimmering, sequinlike details). At risk of losing the papal-dress contract are the Annibale Gammarelli tailors, who have made papal wear since 1792. But they blundered when Benedict had to make his debut blessing in a cassock that was too short, ending just above his ankles. Subsequent celebratory vestments made by Gammarelli are reported to have made the pope uncomfortable.

The Vatican won't comment on papal attire, and Gammarelli denies it is getting the ax: "We are still in contact with the Holy Father. Perhaps there was only an occasional gift by some friend of the pontiff," the tailor says.
—Barbie Nadeau, Newsweek

HEYYYY ARNOLLDD!!**

This is Sparta!

WTF

"The MC Basketball Team has witnessed your skills in the recent intrams. We would like to invite you to tryouts tomorrow, 6pm at the college court. We also encourage you to bring friends who are intrested. We hope to see you tomorrow. Thank you."

Oha! They invited me to try out! Bull!

The Sweet Escape

If I could escape, and recreate a place that's my own world and I could be your favorite girl forever, perfectly together. Now tell me, wouldn't that be sweet?

Bittersweet Symphony

"You deserve much much worse for all your lies and bullshitting.. You don't love me, you just love lying, two-timing, and destroying every relationship you get into 'cause you're too into yourself that you never think of anyone else. You never try to please anyone else unless it benefits you or serves a purpose for you. I thought you changed nung naging tayo pero hindi rin pala. Hinintay mo lang magsawa ka then you moved on and never ever tried to work things out. Have fun destroying your new relationship. Hope matagalan ka nya."
- from one special person.

Go figure.

I'll just be waiting for karma. Hope it strikes me bad. I deserve it anyway.

I love you always, I'm sorry.

One Word

1. Yourself? selfish

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? complicated

3. Your hair? short

4. Your mother? scary

5. Your Father? smart

6. Your Favorite Item:

7. Your dream last night: forgot

8. Your Favorite drink: water

9. Your Dream Car: nada

10. The room you are in: mine

11. Your Ex's: friends

12. Your fear: isolation

13. What you want to be in 10 years: rich

14. What You're NOT? loyal

15. Muffins: nya

16: One of Your Wish List Items: swimsuit

18: Time: fast

19. The Last Thing You Did: powerpoint

20. What You Are Wearing: daster (Haha)

21. Your Favorite Weather: sunny

22. Your Favorite Book:

23. The Last Thing You Ate: noodles

24. Your Life: interesting

25. Your Mood:

26. Your friends: love

27. What are you thinking about right now? future

28. Your cellphone: L6

29. What are you doing at the moment? printing

30. Your summer: anticipating

31. Your relationship status: complicated

32. What is on your tv? none

33. What is the weather like? humid

34. When is the last time you laughed? kanina

35. What do you do when you can't sleep? secret

My Addiction is Back!

American Idol Season Six Baby!


My favorite: LAKISHA JONES. My God, can this girl sing or what?!?! I love her facial expressions when she sings.




My special favorite: CHRIS SLIGH. His humor is soooo out of this world! I lalalalalove it! He's like Conan O'Brien!



A Chris Sligh Interview:

What would people be surprised to learn about you?
I’m chubby.

How has this changed your life?
It hasn’t yet, except to make me poorer b/c of taking off so much work.

Do you have any lucky charms?
Yes, they’re magically delicious.

Karen 101

Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other people's lives have you been in? Were you a part of someone's life when their dreams came true? Or were you there when their dreams died? Did you keep trying to get in, as if you were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shock take you by surprise? Just think, you'd be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it.

They say you could tell a person by looking at the group she's in. Let's see. I have my highschool friends: Ning, Mar, Ecai, Chai, Dior, Diana, and Jack. Not to mention my other high school friends Icay, Janis, Rej, Nash, Melo, IV4, my batch, plus my EXs. Being with them brings me back to so many incomparable moments. I call them my happy girls for it's only with them that I get to laugh that hard. I have my Ateneo people: JM, Alex, Chocho, Wenki, Jen, Chris, Dian, and Inigo. I love these gorgeous people to death. I call them my fab darlings. They have the most expensive and fab stuff most of the time, but their happiness come from the simplest of things. I have the You and Me, or so I thought I had them. I hope I still do. They're Aidz, Eli, Bok, Taker, Fred, Moch, Doms, JP, Drei, JC, etc. I call them my steady people because literally, they are steady people. I have my MC family: Thea, Pat, Ley, Roca, Moya, Piper, Vir, Keith, Gaf, Karla, Kharmi, etc. I call them my good-times people because with them, even the bad times become good. I have my cousins with whom I feel most comfortable with. They're my go-to people because they usually know when to save me, even when I don't ask for their help. Plus I have my other special friends: Sab, Anji, Wax, Jodie, Tiffy, etc. My heart will always have a space for them.

So there. Those are my possies. They are all totally different and yet I can relate to them all. Who I am then?! Does one group think of me differently than the other? I hope not for I try to be as consistent as possible.

I am Ma. Katrina Sillador Sangalang. Some people call me Karen, close friends call me Kar. I hate it when they call me Kat, the You and Me call me Ka. I am supposed to be 21 years old, but my mind and actions say I'm not. I live at New Manila, one of my favorite places in Quezon City. I've been here since I was in 2nd Grade and I doubt that we'll be moving to another house anytime soon. I don't have a lot of childhood memories, although memories from high school up to the present keep me contented. I have my immediate family who, I believe, hasn't seen the real me yet. What and how they think of me is totally different from who I really am. I am not trying to sound like a rebel here, I'm just misunderstood by them, that's all. Despite all the family drama crap though, I love them to death. Always have, always will. I treasure all my friends and I try to keep conflicts away from me as much as possible. I hate confrontations. I hate losing friends. I try to maintain good relationships with the people I meet.

St. John Child Care Center was where I had my first set of friends. I transferred to St. Theresa's College after. Eleven wonderful years of my life were spent there. It's where I grew up, basically. It will always be my home. Went to Ateneo de Mla University after high school. How I wish I went to La Salle instead. I transferred to Miriam College after three grueling years in ADMU. I've always been smart in school although my attitude and my way of thinking towards school sometimes pull me down. I am finally starting to accept that I am oftentimes irresponsible. I am starting to change, by the way. From now on, less parties and more schoolwork for me.

I worked for Tyler part-time last semester and I loved every minute of it. Even though I was complaining and whining and cursing during the latter part of my contract, I knew then that I still love what I was doing. I love the people. They are all fab. I miss Ida, Na, Abby, Nina, Di, Reg, Lala, Sidney, Warner, Georgia, and Sugar.

I've had eight (or nine?) serious relationships in my life. I've cheated on all of them and I've never been proud of it. I loved them all despite all the lies, I hope they know that. I still do actually. All the people with whom I've shared my life with are wonderful, amazing people and I wish them all the best. They will always be special to me.

I was always the biggest fan of love. That makes me wonder sometimes if that may be the reason why I oftentimes take and take and take love without thinking of the consequences of my actions. I want to make one thing clear though: I never cheated just so another person could fill in for the shortcomings of the other. It was never that way. I just didn't know how and when to limit myself from loving. I love the people I loved for who they are and that was enough. We all had our shortcomings but that was never a reason for me to cheat.

I love to be surrounded by people. I hate it when I'm home. I'd rather be alone smoking, or reading a book, or doing nothing at Starbucks than be stuck at home watching TV. Being around people, especially by the people I love, gives me that unexplainable high. I was never the introvert type, obviously. Oh, I won the Most Friendly award when I was in Preschool. Wala lang. Haha!

I am funny and I know it. It's a wonderful gift that I got from my dad. It's amazing how with just one word, you can make the whole group laugh their hearts out. I love making people laugh. It's like therapy.

I used to drink moderately but sadly, its been beer all day, everyday. I'm not proud of that too. It's because of that excessive drinking that I've been trying to watch what I eat now. I've been gaining a lot of pounds and I hate it. I hate that I'm trying to go on a pseudo strict diet right now. It's so not me. I love to eat. I love food. I love love love Chinese food, fast food, Japanese food, Italian, Spanish, American, even street food, heck I love them all. Except for veggies, of course. I don't eat vegetables. Oh and I don't eat dinuguan.

I hate people who act and think like they rule the world and that they're so much better than everybody else. They are all losers, in my opinion. I don't get mad that easily and if I actually do get mad at someone, that person won't ever notice. Unless of course that person knows me by heart already.

I smoke a lot. I wish I could cut down but I'm not that determined so maybe next year will be the year I"ll lessen my excessive intake of nicotine. I want to quit smoking when I'm thirty. I have to.

I hate snakes. Even typing the word gives me the creeps. All snakes should be eradicated from Earth.

I am a brat. I am crabby most of the time. I am moody when I wake up. I usually don't care what other people would think of me. I do what I want all the time. I am hard headed. According to Jacq, I'm the most spoiled person she has ever met. According to a friend, I am the most flirtatious though I doubt that I am. I am just friendly. People say I'm sweet and endearing. Close friends know I'm a backstabber. I can't keep a secret. I try my best to keep other people's secrets but sometimes, I just have to tell it to someone.

I listen to almost all types of music. I hate Gregorian chants. I listen to Pop when I'm in a good mood. I listen to r&b and hiphop when I want to dance. I listen to Eraserheads when I'm depressed. I listen to sappy songs when I'm heartbroken. I listen to sappy songs when it's raining. I listen to Alternative when I'm jolly. I am not a rock person but I love Alternative music, contrary to popular beliefs. I love Alternative songs. They don't bombard the lyrics with the words I love you, yet you could still feel the intensity of love in the song.

Movies are my stress relievers. TV Series are the second on my list. I adore One Tree Hill, I love Grey's Anatomy. I used to watch NipTuck and Lost. I might like Heroes. I don't know yet, I'll start watching it next week.

I am always driven by my passion. I see to it that I do what I love and that I excel in it. I was never happy with my course in Ateneo. Three years in Economics, imagine that. I love love love my course in Miriam College now. Marketing is the perfect choice. It's my perfect choice. It's who I really am and I believe that it's what I was destined to take. At least I hope it is.

Someday, when I become insanely rich, I will have my own Advertising Empire. I will donate money to charity. Heck, I'll even start my own foundation for abused women and for children. I will buy my own dolphins and God knows how much I will love them. I will buy all the clothes, shoes, bags, and accessories that I want. I will travel all over the world with my family. I will make sure that my children get to see wonderful things.

I could go on and on blabbing about myself and yet, for some reason, I still wouldn't know who I really am.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is Kar after all?

Just so you know

This feeling is taking control of me, and I can't help but give in sometimes. Please, just let me do things my way. I am trying my best to fix things, trust me. I just really have to do things on my own right now.

I don't want to think anymore. I just want to go somewhere far away, some place where noone can find me. That's where I'll lie down and live.

We ride

This is an entry devoted to defend my MC family.

I have never really accepted the thought that I was in MC until I met these wonderful group of people. They were the ones who reminded me that life will always be easy if I surround myself with the right people.

We may seem like the most delinquent group of people you'll ever meet for drinking almost everyday, may it me day or night, but WE ARE, in my opinion, MORE RESPONSIBLE than most students. We get good grades, we pass our requirements, we attend important seminars, we build good relationships with professors - what more could you want from us? Why does our "we love to party all the time" state bother a lot of you guys? If it doesn't bother us, then others don't have to be bothered for us.

We are not bad influences to one another. What I do has nothing to do with them. I make decisions for myself, while others make theirs for themselves too. We just make sure that whatever comes out of our decisions, we are there when needed. When things get out of hand, that's when we interrupt. We never dictate, we just advise.

We are not pure booze. We don't just drink, you know. We can be serious too. In fact, we talk about serious matters all the time. I learn from these people everyday. I'm sometimes amazed by the depth of the things they say actually.

I love them, so please stop judging them. It's fine time you accept them for who they are, the way I have accepted them. They have accepted me, and I am very thankful for that.

I miss

Tyler.

Truth

Can't believe how you set me free
The way you purify this soul, dont you know?
Got you into my arms now I'm never letting go
This old dog is finally home.

Silent Night

When everybody was having Christmas blues, I wasn't. Not until awhile ago, that is, when we went to see the last mass before December 25. We were all asked by the priest to kneel and together sing the Silent Night with Mt. Carmel's amazing choir. At first I thought it was another pathetic idea of bringing the people 'together'. But it was more than that. Trust me, if you were there, you'd feel it. It gave me the chills listening to everybody sing that simple and solemn song. God, it was all so peaceful.

How I wish everyday could be like tonight.

The Misalette said, "If you were to ask a wish this Christmas, it should be one of these three":
1) gift of faith (I HAVE FAITH IN GOD, AND IN EVERYTHING FOR THAT MATTER, AND I KNOW IT'S A STRONG ONE. ALL I'M ASKING FOR IS FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO HAVE FAITH IN ME AS WELL.)

2) gift of the ability to do God's will (I NEED THIS ONE THE MOST. I WANNA LEARN HOW TO DISTINGUISH WHAT'S RIGHT AND WHAT'S WRONG. I WANNA KNOW HOW TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY WITHOUT HURTING MY OWN FEELINGS. I WANNA KNOW HOW TO MAKE ME HAPPY WITHOUT HURTING OTHERS TOO. IT'S SO HARD BEING GOOD ALL THE TIME.)

3) gift of rejoicing (TO BE TRULY HAPPY IS TO BE CONTENTED WITH WHAT YOU HAVE. SO NOT ME. PLEASE GOD, TEACH ME HOW)


Happy holidays everyone. May we all find our holiday cheers and may all our holiday wishes come true.

Scar Tissue

"With the birds I'll share this lonely view.."

Why is it that we all live by promises we can't keep? Promises are almost always made to be broken and in my opinion, those that can actually keep their promises are heroes. It's always hard to swear on something unknown and yet, we keep on making promises to other people everyday. What's sad is that however we mean our promises, there are still a million things that we can't control that can hinder us from keeping them.


The most tormenting promises are the ones that are easiest to say. "I will love you forever", "I will change, I swear", "I will never do anything to hurt you".


Why is it that we all live by promises we can't keep then? Because it's those promises that give us hope. And it's that hope that keeps us from living. It's that hope that puts smiles on our faces. It's that hope that gives us that pseudo feeling of assurance that life will always be beautiful even with all the scar tissues. And it is, by the way. I promise.

Interstate 60

"If you were given just one wish, what would it be?"


I'd wish for true happiness. I've always wondered how it would feel like to be constantly happy with everything (Family, Friends, School, Love etc).

Guess I'll never know.

Live for the Moment

A friend once told me to let go of all my plans for the future, never think ahead of what's at the present, and just live. I thought she was crazy. How can you live your life and not think of what to do next?


She wasn't wrong.


Living life one day at a time is so much better than preparing yourself for something you're not even sure is gonna happen. It's not that I'm discarding everything I've longed, planned, and worked for already for the future; I'm just taking things one step at a time now. It's better this way, I guess. At least I'll be more focused with what I'm doing. More focus = Less mistakes


I hope some people would understand. I've always been selfish, this move is for everybody.

Learning to Breathe

I love you.

Somewhere in the middle

We've been having communication problems and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I really am, please believe that. Please understand that this is not as easy to me as it may be to you. You can't push me to be with people that I'm miserable with. I can't be happy and be miserable at the same time. It's unfair to me, more so unfair to you.

I don't want to lie anymore. If you can't let me be with the people who really love me, then I might lie. I did, that's why I don't want to do it anymore. It's better this way first. You'd hate me more if things weren't this way. I don't want that to happen. I'm sorry. I hope you understand.

A Thank You

I have never questioned Friendship until now. It sucks 'cause just when you think you're at that time in your life when you already have a set of friends you think of as dependable, trustworthy, and loving, something happens and you just can't do anything about it but cry.

So before fate surprises me again, I'll take this chance to thank my angels.


TAKER: Thank you for being the only friend in the You and Me group who actually cares. You're the one who constantly checks up on me. You reassured to me that there are still friends capable of proving the real essence of friendship. I love you for being you. When you think I'm selfish, you tell it straight to my face. When you think I'm getting fatter, you say it. When you think I'm pretty, you say it. (Wahaha) I'm planning to keep you for the rest of my life, whether you like it or not. Thank you. You don't know how much I need people like you in my life. I love you.

MAR ans NING: My dear bestfriends. Even if we don't see each other that often, I know nothing changes. THAT'S HOW TRUE FRIENDS ARE TESTED. Even with all the separation, everything's just the same the next time you see each other. You guys give the right advices all the time, I admire you for knowing a person too much.

JACQ: Quality and Quantity! People tried to tear us apart, we both know that. I was mad at you for a time but you never left my side. We tolerate each other but when it comes down to us getting caught with anything we've done, we're not like other people who just leave their friends hanging and not feeling sorry for anything. We're one in a million. You're one in a million, even when we don't agree on a lot of things. I love you for being you because you're unique, and not misunderstood.

MC People: You guys light up my life. You never fail to make me smile, especially when I'm totally down. Together, we may not be the most mature people, but we do know know how to treasure everyone who's in the group. You guys will always be my rainbow.

ANJI: We have been friends since Grade School and my God, we never change! When together, we can talk about anything and everything! It's nice that we're closer again. I missed you..

MOCH: Thank you for always listening to all sides of any story. You were never biased. You know what's right and what's wrong. I can always run to you, we both know that. Thank you for always making me feel safe when I'm with you. Come to think of it, even when I'm not with you, I still feel safe knowing you're my friend.

TIFF: For always listening, thank you. You've been always there for me. Haha I was laughing really hard the other night. Sobrang senti ko yata sayo the other day. You know, the whole "Tiff, I'm sorry ek-ek" Don't get me wrong though, I meant everything I said to you. I always do. I hope you're happy.

MOYA, THEA, VIR, TETEL, AMP, DIVI, PAT: The new faces. Haha. You guys have been with me everyday during those moments when I needed someone to hold me and keep me strong enough to get Aidz back. Thank you for keeping me sane. I love you all.

MY COUSINS: It's so rare that you see cousins who are also close friends. I'm happy we're close. I've been missing the Sunday get togethers because of the damn work but I hope you know I would be doing anything to be with you guys again if I can. Babawi din ako. Anais, thanks for listening even if you were so bothered that day at Cantina.

AIDZ: You'll always be one of my best friends. Thank you for giving me another chance to prove myself. I love you, I always will.


There's never a right time to say goodbye, but I'm gonna try. Goodbye to you who I thought was my dear friend. I'm starting a new life, and much as I want you to be there, I simply can't because my heart's still not willing enough.

Crash and Burn

I just did the biggest mistake of my life.

They say love is all about trust, loyalty, honesty. Guess I screwed that up big time. But Bub, I was in a very low point in my life. It was so wrong. I was so selfish not to think of what you might think. Or react. Or feel. God, I really wasn't thinking then.

I am sorry. I've never meant the word sorry like this, so please, just take it.

It's gonna be hard for me to let you leave cause frankly, it's worse than dying. It was all so sudden. One phone call and it's all over. I can't lose you now, but I understand.

Call me whatever you want, curse me as mant times as you want, I'd gladly accept it. Just don't ever doubt my love for you. I was our biggest fan. It's so often that we find ourselves in that true love that a lot of people look for. I made a mistake, but that doesn't prove that my love for you is not real at all. I love you, as simple as that.

Bub, You know I'll always be waiting. I'm sorry.

Pardon me while I burst

Ive had enough of the world and people's mindless
games. Pardon me, pardon me.

I tried reaching out, honeyS. God knows how much I wanted to reach out, I swear. Thing is, you didnt respond. Not even a smile from you to make things way better. It's so true. All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade away. You're too far for me to hold now, dear. And to think I expected to hold you, my loved ones, for as long as forever. You're just way too far. I wanted to, but I guess you want to move
farther and farther. How can that be possible? Where the hell did I go wrong? I lost a friend.

I sometimes get teary-eyed thinking about the lost possibility. We could've been friends forever. What's stopping us now, anyway? God, how I hope it's not hatred. I love you still for me not to accept the possibility that it's anger that's keeping us back.

I need you to hear me. I need you to stop. I need you not to stop. Understand?

Look, I've been starting everything with an I. Stop with all the "you guys". For all you know, there's "us guys" who's hurt all the time with all you're "you guys".

It hurts, you know. One day you wake up and its not the same. I get through the day fine, happy in most days, but when I begin to think of the US, it's like waking
up to a whole new reality. Sometimes, I don't want to accept the fact its true, but what can I ever do when you want things the way they are now? And if by any chance that you actually don't want this situation, I don't feel that feeling from you at all. You once told me you miss me. I do too, dear. But after that, what?!

Don't you guys feel it too? I know you're not that jaded. So what's the point of all these drama? It's not amusing anymore. Day after day we move farther from each other. Don't you feel anything at all?! I hope you're not asuming that I want this for us 'cause I really don't. Shit, I have so many fucking questions. Why does this have to happen anyway?

Just tell me now, what will it be?

Honeyversarry

Three years man.Who would have thought?

Love is not love which alters when alterations finds it, or bends with the remover to remove. Oh no,it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken; it is the star to every wandering barque, whose worth's unknown although his height be taken. Love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come. Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.
- W. Shakespeare

When I'm with you Bub, I feel the safest. Being with you shows me that even with all the hatred in this fucked up world, there's this one person who can make things way better. I love you always, that will never alter. Happy Anniversary.

All in a day's work

Work 1: Tyler
I feel so unproductive lately. Blanche, our Assistant Store Operations Manager, told me that I'm recently the highest seller for Tyler Rockwell. (YABANG) That felt really really really really good! HOWEVER, that made me really really really really LAZY as well, assuming that since I've been doing pretty darn well for the last few weeks, I have the right to be useless when I want to.

NOT!

Work 2: Community Service
Fuck community service! All because of those stupid brown lines on my shoes, I have to work my ass off for 50 hours before August 31. Otherwise, they'll be adding more hours! 23 hours more and I'm so done.



WOOPPPPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Hold UP!
I'm actually in an internet cafe waiting for somebody to wake up. Been here for an hour already. Anyway....... This guy beside me "secretly" passed me a note saying: Hi, I'm Nico. I'm really not sure with what I'm doing but I've been looking at you for awhile now. You look like a really nice chinita. (WTF!? First of all, for the nth time, I am so not a chinita! I have one of the biggest eyes even I have ever seen! Second, should I be satisfied with nice? Nice is NOT a nice word, honey. Wahaha)
I was wondering if I could get your name and number, if it's OK.

I looked straight at him and said politely said NO. Wahahaha! Feeling ako fucker!

Didn't know I was looking for cows until I found you.

I swear, I didn't know.

Obesity + Patheticness + Isolation (yet always trying to belong) = Perfect Combination

Honey, wasn't long enough til I saw what everybody was seeing.


On a lighter note.

God! I forgot to check my mail this morning! If only I checked it a little bit earlier, then I could have gone to Topshop's Private Sale instead! I must admit, it's so rare that I am "exclusively" invited to these types of sales tapos I missed it pa! And to think I was in Rockwell already. Plus it's Topshop! Minsan lang ako magkapera for it tapos wala na.. Gone... It's a one day thing obviously not meant for me.



Pero ok lang (comfort oneself when deppressed), I have new shoes naman e thanks to Sugar dearest. Actually it's thanks to Nica.

Fuck. I sound like a dumb blonde.

Hafta go. Happy birthday to KC later! Hotel (hopefully) here we come!

What's your beef with me, boy?!

The hell with the rest of the world, I'm having the time of my life right now! I'm actually getting way better grades this sem. I love my part-time job PLUS Aidz and I have been CONSISTENTLY happy recently. I see to it that I still have time with my friends and time for myself.

So what's bothering me now?


All good things will come to an end sooner or later.

Uh-oh...

Let's see what this love can do

Have been experiencing a lot of new things lately. Scary at first, as always. Good thing I've got a big support system that help me get through everything even after a long, tiring, day. There's this one person though that I forget to thank all the time. It's you Bub. Everytime I'm so exhausted from school and Tyler, I demand a lot of things from you, even if I know for myself that some of the things I ask are too impossible to do. I'm so sorry. I've been too selfish and yet, without fail, you try your best to give me everything I want and need. I love you, i really do.

With you, I feel like I've got everything I need. Thank God I chose the right person. Thank God you chose me.

It's official, I'm OLDer!

First Stage: Denial Stage
Was watching MYX Backtrax last night while waiting for Anji. Obviously, from the name itself, MYX Backtrax shows old MTVs, hits of those un/forgotten artists. First song of the show: N'Sync's Drive Myself Crazy. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?! N'Sync happened to be one of my favorite artists way back in High School. Okay fine, Grade School. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it! How could that song be part of Backtrax already?! I know it's been years since that song became a hit, but come on, why couldn't they play Beauty and Madness instead? Now that song is perfect for Backtrax, right?

Second Stage: Hurting Stage
Second song of the show: Hansons' Mmmbop. I was officially offended. If we were to make a compilation of songs for my (very young) generation, Mmmbop would surely be part of the list. Even if it was fun seeing young Taylor and young Zac (sorry Isaac) again, it was still a bit humiliating, like putting my Grade School pictures in the MTV. Can't even imagine how I will react when I'm going through menopause already. Good luck.

Third Stage: Acceptance Stage
Next song: Moffats' I'll Be There For You. When I saw that video, I finally convinced myself to acknowlege the fact that these videos are here because they are indeed videos of the (near) past. The sooner I accept the idea, the sooner I'll get over it. Besides, I couldn't think of anything better to do while waiting than to watch MTVs that i used to love.

Fourth Stage: Tolerance Stage
98 Degrees' It's All Because of You and LFO's Summergirls. Alas, after 3 videos, I finally had the "courage" to sing with the songs, MY songs. Wise decision, actually. I screamed my lungs out as if it wasn't midnight yet. It was a great feeling, like transporting myself back to the colorful world of the 90's. I felt like a kid once again.


Try looking back once in awhile. It's not that bad.

Welcome to the Workstation

Oh God, I'll be a working girl anytime soon so please, help me.

I've been "preoccupied" this whole week with Tyler that I forgot to do stuff for school. I'm 99% sure part of the company already, but if by any chance they decide to not hire me instead, that's fine with me. Meeting all those fab people and seeing all those wonderful clothes are handsdown irreplaceable. Thanks to Aidz, Taker, and JC for being a part of the applying process. "The Essays" were not that easy to answer but you guys made it seem a lot less difficult.

It's gonna be challenging, I know that for a fact. For a person as lazy as me, working is like suicide. The only thing that drives me to do this is the collection of clothes that I'll be surrounded with. I know, lame reason right? But at least that's a start. Besides, we all to work sooner or later, whether we like it or not.

No Ordinary Morning

Woke up today not knowing what to feel. I wanted to cry, and I did. I wanted to feel happy, and so I called the person who could make me feel happy. God, how I wish I wasn't this emo this morning. And last night. And yesterday. Not now, not after a fun summer.

Blah

Stole this from a friend's blog. Let's see if these really are the hardest things:

* Pretending to be innocent of what you know about - God, secrets are the worst things in this world. If only there weren't shit everyone to keep..

* Trying to show you care - Un/luckily, I don't know how to execute perfectly this "deceitfulness". I'm pretty obvious when I don't like a person.

* Trying to forget something you know you NEVER will - One thing I learned is life is to stop the trying-to-forget phase, that's bullshit. The more you do that, the more you'll think about it. You'll end up realizing you're this pathetic person trying to hold on to something that has long been gone. So sad.

* Admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right - ...especially to your parents!

* Debating with yourself - I usually end up doing the stupid option but what the heck, I had fun anyway!

* Knowing what's wrong and what's right

* Growing up - Growing up isn't hard at all. My parents think I'm still this immature 20 year old who knows nothing but parties and friends. Bullshit. I feel more grownup everytime they say that. The fact that I know better, that I am definitely not who they think I am, makes me feel more grownup than them.

* ACCEPTING the fact that some things are NOT meant TO BE - Some things are better left understood. Tsk.

* Swallowing your pride when it has become TOO HARD and TOO BIG to even gulp it down with water - Pride shride! I hate pride!

* Being the LAST TO KNOW about something that CONCERNS you most of all - YEAH!!!!!!!!!! Uhhh! People!

* Realizing that you have been TRICKED after you have given your WHOLE TRUST - I honestly don't know who to trust recently.

* Realizing that you have taken the most IMPORTANT thing for GRANTED

* PARTING with someone you've just LEARNED to LOVE - I tried not doing this that's why I ended up joggling people which is very bad, I know. Good thing I'm with Aidz now(SIPSIP!).

* Letting GO of someone you've LOVED ALL YOUR LIFE - :'(

* Losing someone you care deeply about - Some friends are just too hard to lose. But when they decide to stick to other friends instead, even after all the things you've been through together, then we don't really have a say on that anymore. We just have to let them be. It's their life anyway.

* Saying how you REALLY FEEL and Explaining WHERE YOU STAND - Some people expect you to agree with everything they do. What if you really don't? What to do, what to do?!

* Knowing what is best and yet doing the exact opposite - The opposite usually gives you the most satisfaction.

* Bracing yourself for the worst kind of pain... & still hurting so much. - Noone can be prepared enough for any kind of pain.

* Denying to yourself that you're falling... then finally you realize that indeed you have fallen when it's too damn late and you cant get out - Wala lang, but I just remebered something Jen Padua said before, Love is like hide and seek. Wala lang.

* Being with someone else when the right one comes along sad to belong...- Never leave "someone else"

* Knowing deep inside that you love someone yet you can't say it out loud - Unspoken love is the "not enough" type of love for me. If you really love the person, say it. The burden of unspoken love is worse than being turned down by someone.

list 21 people who are at the top of your head right now, and then answer the questions.

1. Aidz = Bubba
2. Marla
3. Reji
4. Isabel
5. Eli
6. Taker
7. JC
8. Anji
9. Janis
10. Ning
11. Icay
12. Bok
13. Jacq
14. Edel
15. Mochie
16. Gi
17. Alex Du
18. JP
19. Thea
20. Alex Roca
21. Chocho

How did you meet 12?
Common friend, I guess. Always thankful.

What would you do if you never met 6?
Nothing, malamang. One thing's for sure though, things would have been a lot more boring if Taker wasn't around.

What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
Hmm, pwde actually! Ha!

Did you ever like 11?
She's my ex who turned out to be one of my closest friends.

Would 4 and 13 make a good couple?
Tss, sige try nila. Sab and Jacq? Yeah right! Haha!

Describe 8.
We used to be super close way back in STC. We've been hanging out again lately and God knows how much I missed her! Laugh trip lagi grabe!

Do you think 14 is attractive?
Uhuh. I love her skin actually.

Tell me something humiliating about 17.
Wala e. Alex Du is so cute, fun, bubbly (okay stop patronizing) that you can never find anything humiliating about her.

Do you know any of 4's family members?
Of course, I see her whole clan a lot.

What's 21's favorite color?
Pink. So Chocho!

On a scale of 1-10, how hot is 10?
10 syempre.

What would you do if 18 confesses he likes you?
Smile :)

What language does 20 speak?
"Ow!"

Who is 9 going out with?
The last time I asked her she said wala DAW.

what grade is 16 in?
4th yr coll

When's the last time you talked to 13?
Last night when Sab and I went to her gig.

What is 2's favorite band/singers?
M.T.M (->yuck! slam book!)

Would you ever date 5?
Haha! No.

Would you ever date 1?
Of course. :)

What is 19's last name?
Ventura

What school does 7 go to?
Ateneo (grad)

Where does 15 live?
At a village beside Celeb.

Are number 7 & 8 best friends?
They don't know each other.

Do you like 6?
Always.

Tagged by Tiffy

the first player of this game starts with the "6 weird things/habits about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog of their 6 weird habits/things, as well as state this rule clearly..in the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names..don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read yours.

1. I cannot take a bath without a radio with me inside the bathroom. It usually takes me 5-10mins to take a bath, but 1 hour inside the bathroom. I dance and stare at myself all the time. Who doesnt?

2. I cannot cook anything. I microwave even pancit canton and noodles.

3. I hate snakes. I scream at the sight of a snake (picture / cartoon / toy / snake skin/ etc)

4. I always feel like I have dimples. TANGGAPIN MO NA KAR: WALA KANG DIMPLES!

5. I can't wear heels. EVER. Flip flops forever.

6. Coffee + Yosi is a big no no.

Back Down Memory Lane

Memory Lane 1:
Waiting for Rej and Icay to arrive hours after the said meeting time was all worth it!

I had my well-deserved fun that night thanks to those people. Mar and I sure missed them. We were supposed to discuss some stuff about the batch reunion we're organizing but................... POOF! Mar + Kar + Icay + Rej = no serious matter. haha! At least last night that was true. We laughed at the silliest of things and talked of our "pasts" without any reservation whatsoever. And to think Karlo and Rino were there with us too! God, how i love high school, how i love them.

I can't wait for the reunion! It's gonna be tons of fun! It's supposed to be fun! We organized it e! Ha! So much for getting credit first from others. Seriously though, I hope everything will turn out fine.

Memory Lane 2:
I hope he realizes how depressing my situation could be. How could he have forgotten/ignored something so clear? I never really understood why he all of a sudden got mad with me going out a lot lately. It was never an issue to him before, so what's the difference now? I need to be surrounded by people who love me. He doesn't get that, so sad.

Memory Lane 3:
Finally saw Brandonboy (or is it another name? God, I can't even remember his name. Stupid me. People like him should be a household name already)! God, how I wish everything would be that simple with me.

Memory Lane 4:
Memories, all alone in the moonlight. Haaaaayyyyy. How do we forget memories?


SHOUTOUT!
Theresians Batch 02! Reunion on the 20th of May! Don't be a kill joy and come to the grandest party we'll ever have as a batch. It'll be fun! There'll be booze, bands, food, familiar faces, and of course, your friends. Come and experience for yourself! :)

Here I go again: A Conversation with Kar

Uh-oh! What have I gotten myself into? KAR! ANO BA! Are you sure about that? Tangina. Better think twice. Or thrice. I know you like, on second thought LOVE nalang, what you just did but what the hell WE/Are you thinking? Can you handle it one more time? Kaya mo? I hope so.

Make things right this time around.

i love the you and me boys

.. and they love me!

Last night was supposed to be a perfectly fun night of poker until this fucker tried to ruin part of MY evening. You asshole just said one the meanest things I have ever heard in my life and I can never let you get away with that! Trust me on that one. The next time I see you without my friend backing you up, tangna, your ass is mine!

You just messed with the wrong girl, honey! Why? Here’s a list:

1. I may be too friendly most of the time, but the moment my feelings and friends get offended and hurt merely by anyone or anything, including animals like you, I can be one of the meanest girls you’ll ever meet in your whole lifetime.


2. Don’t go pretending like you’re some hotshot know-it-all coz you’re basically not. You look a lot more jologs than anyone in the tournament. I have HIGH STANDARDS when it comes to guys’ clothes you know. From what I heard last night, you have high standards too.


3. I am officially the only girl in the barkada. You mess with me, you mess with a lot of guys that are obviously way more capable of beating you up, even individually.

4. You showed us this aura of poker-greatness but by the time we all started playing, I never saw you actually showing off your so-called greatness. Tss!

5. You said one of the worst lies about me in front of Eli, my dear bestfriend. Definitely a wrong move.


Now, here are some reasons why my night ended way better than I expected:

1. I am very lucky with the guy friends that I have. They’re really sweet. By the time they heard about the things that that asshole said about me, I looked at their faces and they all looked frustrated. Not that I want them to feel that way, but their reactions and expressions gave me the assurance that I am really special to them.

2. A special thanks to them for wanting to beat the hell out of the guy. Especially you my Bok, I am really touched.

3. JP: you don’t have to say sorry. It’s not your fault.

4. They think I’m pretty! Yay! Bwahahahahaha

5. Congratulations to Eli! I’m so proud of you! I finished 8th place at the tournament and I’m proud of that! I could have finished higher if it wasn’t for that guy that I badly wanted to leave. Unluckily, he gave in to my bluff. Revenge is bad.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

_
i cried while listening to this song for the first time.
goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. its time to accept that some things are better not spoken. we just have to let things be.

Shane of The L Word

you make me wanna.

Perils of Friendster

Tried opening my old yahoo account an hour ago, wishing there's something worth reading. Lo and behold, i came upon the email Chris sent me about Friendster and how it can be a world of superficial acquaintances, a place of insincere empathy, of shallow love affairs and a preying ground for stalkers, weirdos, and 15 year olds who'd orgasm seeing text containing any combination of words with dick, shaft, hole, mountain, cyclops, ice cream, salt or bicycle in them. It is the realm of the pretentious, the pseudo-intellectual, and more often than not, the aesthetically challenged.

With that said, I shall show you the afflicting horrors of Friendster and its denizens in a brand spanking new column aptly titled:

The Atrocities of Friendster

(WARNING: majority of the pictures can be very scary that you may never ever want to post a picture of yourself anymore!)

To those whose pictures are posted here, im so sorry but you guys really suck in the photography area. (Please take note that im blaming the photos and not the appearances in order to make things easier for you to accept). -karky

Case 1: John

Jon, I just want to say three things to you before I lock myself up in my room and hang myself:
1.Wearing jeans to the gym is just. plain. wrong.
2.Looking at your hair magically transports me back to 1996; the time when the Gwapings and vertically striped shirts with collars reigned supreme.
3.I've seen six year olds with better bodies than you so for the love of everything that's holy; PUT A FUCKING SHIRT ON.

Case 2: Patrick

ROMNICK SARMIENTA! What ever happened to you? I was your biggest fan.

Case 3: Bhabe

After an hour and a half of scouring Friendster for portraits that represent everything that is repugnant and awful in the world, I realized a few things:
1. The world is brimming with ugliness.
2. It's surprising how I haven't committed suicide yet after this activity.
3. I should come up with a pseudonym and stop using my real name.
4. I'm going straight to hell.
5. You guys suck.

Case 4: Sherwin

How to be the star in the prom:
1. Use CY Gabriel bleaching soap liberally on your face.
2. Bring a corpse as your date

Case 5: Gelo

Jericho Rosales is that you?

Case 6: Chard

A rare photograph of a man-sloth. This one hasn't moved for three years hence the thick layer of algae growing on its head. Either that or it rubbed it's head in fecal matter. What a Shithead. get it? Shit head?

Case 7: Melai

Photographer: Pare smile naman dyan!
Orc: Anong pare? Babae ako noh!
Photographer: Di nga?
Orc: SNAK ES AD ARGHHHH!!! (Translated from Orc language: SHOOT THE DAMN PHOTO OR I'LL EAT YOU AND YOUR UNBORN BABIES!!!!!)
Photographer: There is no God. *cries

Case 8: Billy

Ang "Batang Baller": observe the matching sando, baller ID and armband. After this studio pic was taken, he attempted to play basketball in the streets of Tondo wearing this ghastly ensemble where he was summarily beaten within an inch of his life

Case 9: Guido

Mike: I cornered this mutant after he crawled in through the window and found his way to my sofa. He's still there, and I'm still praying to God that he NEVER, as in NEVER EVER take that pillow off where it is right now.
Tim: Oh my God; remember the cartoon series 'Toxic Crusaders?' What the fuck happened to his face? It looks as if he filled the toilet with Muriatic Acid and dunked his head in it.
Mike: 1,000 pesos says there's a hideous man-eating monster under that pillow.
Tim: Nah, I don't want to take your money Mike, you need it for a new Sofa.
Mike: True.

Case 10: BJ

no comment

Case 11: Christian

Mike: God, even Earboy wants to be Superman.
Tim: And what's up with the tablecloth?
Mike: It's tablecloth? I actually thought it was graphing paper.
Tim: What's graphing paper?
Mike: Nevermind

Case 12: The Gang

Uhh

Case 13: Loren

OH MY GOD! I'LL PAY ANYBODY 5,000 PESOS TO GET THIS THING OFF MY MONITOR!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT APPLIED TOO MUCH ASTRINGENT ON ITS FACE OR IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK! EITHER WAY, I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S CARNIVOROUS.

Case 14: Phil

Some people pretend they're rich. Some people pretend they're superheroes. This guy pretends he's heterosexual. Awful job chap, awful job.

Case 15: Jack

Well well well! Congratulations for inheriting your mother's boobs! Feel free to write me an angry email. No need to put little hearts and flowers at the top though cause the idea that you would like them there is pretty much established. The same applies to attached pictures of you in a fluffy pink tutu, you hunky piece of meat you.

Case 16: Rodel

Pau: The science committee presents their latest discovery: The Abominable, awfully disfigured snow fag.
Mike: Shhhhhh!!! It can hear us!
Pau: His Her Its face sorta reminds me of a barren desert.
Mike: And look! There's some sort of insect crawling out of its ears!
Pau: Would you sleep with this thing for 50,000 bucks?
Mike: Hell no!
Pau: 55,000 bucks?
Mike: Deal!

Case 17: Totnakerns

Imagine waking up with this thing beside your bed. It's like the worst nightmare you could ever have. Imagine the type you can never wake up and actually die from. Imagine that. Only gayer.

brain drain

had another interesting at starbucks today. shared my table with another unexceptionally smart person (the last interesting morning was with max). too bad i forgot his name (shows how stupid i can get sometimes). its so intriguing how people can get so knowledgeable about a lot of things, majority of which are stuff we often see as unimportant, but once "the smarts" talk about things like they're one of the most interesting topics in the world, you suddenly enter their world of dorkiness, wishing that someday you'll be like them. these people just have that certain aura i can never really explain exactly, that can get people intimidated by them and at the same time drawn to them.

--
a lot of my friends are graduating this march. major reality check kar! im happy for them that's for sure, but its gonna be hard for me to go to their grad parties, unable to feel the unexplainable happiness that they'll expectedly be feeling.

--
its been a long, long, long time since i honestly talked about this feeling of regret whenever i pass by ateneo. when i see myself wearing my MC uniform, i sometimes have to remind myself: 'you're smart.' and i am. i definitely am. leaving ateneo after almost three years their doesnt make me less of a person, nor can it already give other people the idea that i'm not as smart anymore. correct me if im wrong but i even think that im smarter than some of those ateneans who are at the moment ordering their togas.

uh. too much of the self-upliftment.

my footnote to youth

post valentines message to everybody.

From the Eraserheads song “With a Smile”: ‘cause in a world where everybody hates a happy ending story, it’s no wonder love can make the world go round.

Youth has always been the favorite victim of that complicated, vague word we all call love. It is amazing though how such an experience, the tremendous feeling of loving somebody, can be so simple to the youth, to those who feel it for the first time. As the cliché goes, love is blind. Kids today sure prove hat saying as true. Amidst all the chaos and injustice happening at the present, those in love act like there is no other feeling in the world than blissfulness. It its love that gives lovers the feeling that nothing else matters other than their pure love, or so they call it.

Love to youth can be a do or die thing. The youth has always been the great defender of love, fighting for it up to the very end, without caring about the consequences of their actions. It’s very evident nowadays, kids doing anything for love. Some elope, some get pregnant to keep the relationship, some engage in premarital sex all for the sake of expressing their deep affection for the one they love. A lot of parents think that the love the youth believes in is not the type to be taken seriously. I honestly think they are just selfish – selfish in a way that they hinder their kids from being happy, even if it is just for a moment, just because they’re so caught up with the reality of reality.

To me, it is the greatest feeling – being in love. I still think and feel that love is still, and will always be the same. Call it pathetic, impractical even, but when you really think about it, love may be the only genuine thing that we can get from all the lies and deceitfulness in this world. My advice to adults then? Give love, the crazy, foolish, kind, another chance. It won’t hurt if they leave reality behind for a while and love like nobody’s judging them.

sabrinka

fuck. wasnt able to post anything about my dear fab friend who just had her birthday, two, err, or a day ago. anyhoo, ISABEL AGATHA a sweetest birthday greeting to you. my god, is this true? for i don't know how many years already, one of the sure events in my to-do-for-the-year list is to go to your party and have fun. i bet next year, i'll have to edit that list. sab, im hoping that this wont be the last 'sab's birthday' i get to spend with you. you're leaving soon. not that soon actually, but it's near enough for me to start getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. i love you honey, you know that. hope you had a fab time last saturday. you deserve all the love in the world.

my insights

reflections: Ermita, A filipino novel by F. Sionil Jose. read it, it's captivating to the very last page.


Such colorful individuals we are in this huge canvass that is called life, and yet there’s this one thing that would always unify us, and that’s happiness.

“We move on, we build and create because we are unhappy” –Didi Gamboa

Ermita, to me, is not about “an enclave of privilege and affluence, and the putrefaction of a society.” F. Sionil Jose’s “Ermita”, I believe, is a story about that great search for genuine happiness, not just by Ermi, but also by all the other characters, amidst their backgrounds, social status, beliefs, and way of living. It is their search for that “something unknown” that actually made the whole novel more interesting, more captivating to the very last page.

Happiness can never be found in things that are physical, that’s one thing I picked up from the novel. Happiness can only be found in love, the kind that demands nothing in return. It is in this genuine love that a person can feel the contentment, that unexplainable happiness, only a few of us could ever experience and appreciate.

Robert Fulghum said: “I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts – that hope always triumphs over experience – that laughter is the only cure for grief.” I believe so too. I believe that hope, the ultimate driving force, makes us strong individuals as we face different challenges along the path to happiness. It is already innate in us humans to look for something more. Sadly though, a lot of us, myself included, find happiness in all the wrong places. I can’t blame them. Even Rolando Cruz thinks so too: “There is so much dishonesty today, not just in government but in business. Perhaps sex is the only honest thing left.” My god, is Rolando right in saying that? If so, will we ever find true happiness? What if the real hindrance to our own happiness is ourselves?

Living now in a materialistic world, it is so easy for money and power to trick us, letting us feel that there’s no better joy than acquiring them. Those with weak and distorted foundation fall easily into the trap of deceit. True though that for a moment, one would feel the “happiness” that money and power bring. If I were to become powerful, and rich, a lot of people would automatically love me, adore me even. By then I could afford everything, though I doubt that I’ll be contented. Too much dependence on the material and the physical, including sex, can bring negative effects to ourselves, to others, and to God. Dependency, in fact, is the inability to experience wholes, or to function adequately without the certainty that one is actively cared for by another. Take Ermi for example. She had everything during her peak – luxurious cars, mink coats, a well used passport, and the like, but she was never completely happy.

Dependency, on the contrary, can be healthy too. We all have desires to be cared for by persons stronger than us who have our interests truly at heart. Come to think of it, we need the presence of others to be truly happy. We need to know, to feel, that we are also needed by others. If not, then existence has no value.

There are definitely things that money can’t buy – happiness is one. It is not in having everything that a person becomes truly happy. It is in having some, and being thankful for all the gifts received, appreciating them as much as one can. Happiness is always rooted in love, the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s growth.

When happiness comes knocking, never let it pass, for it only comes once. No one is too old to experience happiness; there’s no such thing as too late. All you have to do is be sensitive of its presence. For all we know, its been there all along. We were just foolish enough to believe that there are far better things. Reality is, not all situations have better sides to them. All that’s left is what’s there the whole time, wanting to be appreciated for all its effort. No one wants to be like Ermi, regretful in the end, right?

restless

my life is so steady right now that i need something exciting to break the consistency that's taking over my system. help me put here. all i need is a little difference and that's it. too tired of school, cant say im fed up with all the parties.

All we need is our lives in a suitcase,
They belong to a friend of a friend,
And as we drink to ourselves we'll amuse ourselves,
Underneath the sky, underneath the sky again.