this one's for reji.

What are the things you enjoy doing even when there's no one around you?
bum in my room. (yah, i know. so sad. i bum even when im alone.)
blog.
find someone who'll talk to me over the phone.
read. (fuck im such a poser. i only do that when im motivated.)
dance as much as i want to.
sing as loud as i want to.
pluck my eyebrows. (its s addictive!)

What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?

yosi.
sleep.
aidz moments. really.
food.
especially fries.
my perky friends.
jokes. (trust me. i can take even the corniest ones.)

7 things that scare you:

snakes. ohh phobia. if only i could kill all the snakes in the world.
being alone.
death.
ghosts.
being very very very poor. (oh my gawd im sorry. this is such a pathetic, feeling, irritating answer but its so true. havent you thought of it yourself?)
separation.

7 things you like the most:

so sorry but i cant answer this. according to everyone, i love everything. there all such favorites!

7 important things in your bedroom:

box of letters.
pictures.
cds.
boom box. (ooh yeah.)
clothes.
gifts from other people.
accessories.

7 random facts about you:

bum.
fun.
funny.
cute. (this is my blog!)
pacute. (fine.)
sweet.
irresistable. (again, this is my blog)

7 things you plan to do before you die:

travel the world.
marry aidz. (gawd.)
actualize my dream advertising company.
think of a commercial's concept/script.
become famous.
tell my mom i love you in person.
witness a miracle. (a walk to remember poser)

7 things you can do:

raise my eyebrows alternately. (ooohh)
love.
crafty stuff.
write sad stories. (i swear. i only tell my "created" stories to aidz)
be childish to get what i want.
make people laugh.
emcee-ing.

7 things you can't do:

sing. (my frustration.)
break up with someone without feeling guilty. i usually dont.
betray my true friends.
eat a vegetarian meal.
kill myself.
look at a snake's picture.
take a bath without my radio.

7 things that attract you to the opposite sex:

humor.
personality.
smile.
eyes.
wit.
hair.
likes/dislikes of the person.

7 things you say the most:

so?
whatever!
di nga?
oh!
bubba you miss me?
love you!
seryoso?

7 celeb crushes:

ryan philippe.
angelina jolie.
chad michael murray.
wendell ramos.
justin timberlake.
freddie prince jr. (sometimes)
chris evans

7 people that you want to take this quiz:
aidz (bub take this quiz post it here)
jacq
sab
taker
eli
marla
ning

brighter than sunshine

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

I never saw it happening
I'd given up and given in
I just couldn't take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight
Suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you.. What a feeling...

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine. And its brighter than sunshine

*a real, messy, beautiful, twisted, sunshine bub. what a feeling.

it will take time i guess

to the ones i hurt, im so sorry.


to bub. sorry. thanks. we almost had another breakup. hope you understand why i was kinda drunk with the girls last time.
everything is just so different when im with you guys. i know they accept me for being so magaslaw and makulit already, but its just so weird being that way when im the only the girl there. i miss dancing bub. i danced with the girls and everything was so new to me again. why dont you come along next time. miko's?

to you guys, its not that i hate you now. in all truth, i still love you. i just dont know if i should still listen to everything you guys say. if you're gonna rant about something, rant in full details. i dont like hearing super biased stories. if you're wrong, you're wrong. if you're both wrong, then you're both wrong. just admit what you know and what you dont know rather than making something up.
oh and one more thing, please dont go telling other people that you dont wanna be with us anymore. dont go pretending that you dont ever wanna tell us anything anymore coz the moment you dont have any place to go or any friends to be with, you immediately text us. if you're irritated, then you're irritated. if you wanna be part of the circle, then dont go telling other people that you'll never ever want to be with us again. thats kinda hurting you know. fine. we did something bad. we know. maybe we should talk. or maybe we shouldnt. lets just clarify everything. and please. everything this time.

im sorry. really sorry.

not to worry, everything will be ok in the end. if its not ok, then its not the end. right?

miriam, oh miriam

im starting to love miriam. woooohhhhh..

i love them. they're so transparent. everything they do is as real as they get. no pretentions. no posers. well at least those i really know.

cheers to carmi and her bucket. thea, you'll always be my favorite vanity. pat you're always funny. and alex, yes alex. we're close na. nice eating ox brain with you.

glad to have known these people. and more. im ecstatic now

chamelion

lets stop with all the bs-ing.

cut all the crap.

truth.

week long drama

i finally have the time to update my dear blog after a week, i think. so here's a week full blahness.

MONDAY (new stuff day)
for the first time, jacq and i tried being independent. we tried commuting from katipunan to robinson's metroeast. poor us. we looked like 3yr old kids looking for our mommys. seriously, we looked stupid. any snatcher could have gotten everything we had. so much for independence jack! some bad situations end differently though. because of our 'stupidity' (shit jack sorry is stupidity such a strong word for us?), we got to meet ish. a schoolmate of jack. he's nice.
had my hearing that day also. fuck discipline committees. they're such kill joys.
sab entertained us with her KOKOLOGY thing. i must admit, kokology can be very addictive.

TUESDAY (exercise day)
cut two of my classes. played two games (with five sets each) of table tennis in the morning. it was so tiring. won one game and well, lost the other. in the afternoon, went jogging with jack in moro, ateneo. poser. exercise will never be my forte. i hate it. exercise hates me.

WEDNESDAY
bum

THURSDAY
bum again. i finally made a decision. im going to bulacan next weekend instead of caliraya. gaf, better make sure you do your part. we had a deal.

FRIDAY
went to seatles tomas with sab to do our mag layouts. went to her house after. aidz went there too. after an hour of nonsense drama, we finally said goodbye to sab (who i guess was in an awkward situation already). aidz kasi e. you didnt go to my house ;( tuloy inarte attack ako. anyway, he treated me to mcdo (yumm) then we're off to jack's. drank two 1/2 bottles of beer. woohoo! haha.
last stop: my house. fun!

SATURDAY
had a meeting with our magazine's business consultant (a.k.a my dad). im actually happy that he's our consultant. i think my dad's a great businessman. i wanna be sort of like him when i grow up. (singit. he opened a new business with tito ben recently. import export from china. not the tutuban type of business. just bragging. oh and go to his school fresh college grads! bragging again.)
anyhoo... my head hurt during the meeting because of all the terms my dad was trying to teach us. uhh. plus i didnt smoke during the whole meeting! i hate that feeling. went to dior's after. it was fun seeing high school friends under one roof. missed ning again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIOR! I LOVE YOU

irresponsible

walked out of two of my classes today. everything is such a routine now. i wake up around 5.30. i go to katipunan for my morning dose of yosi. i go to school to attend my undefineably boring subjects. i usually dont gain anything new or intersting from those classes. boo-hoo.

boring. boring. boring.

im at the library right now (just got out of one of my classes). fuck. see how exciting this day is?! everything is so boring. i dont wanna go to my next class. NSTP sucks big time. but i have to.

gotta follow the routine now.

got the time?

watched 'if only' with sab awhile ago.

according to peyton (from one tree hill), people always leave. if that's true, then what's the point of being close to someone? maybe thats why there are a lot of people who build walls like there's no tomorrow. they sharpen their spikes everytime they get to know others, thinking they'll eventually get hurt.

yes. its true. people always leave. so what then? i once received a quote from a friend. it said that time is the most precious gift you could give to someone because by allowing that person to share moments with you, youre giving him/her the time of your life that you could never take back. why do we really have to think of losing someone when we could think of how special it is having the person we love at the present? ***my favorite cousin left for the states. sab's leaving when she graduates. everybodys graduating (no more bumming for me at katipunan everyday).
wenki will be working in bacolod. gawd i need to stop now.

ive always demanded time from my cousins and friends. partly because im not given the 'special' time at home, i guess. time has always been precious to me. a minute beside someone doing nothing but 'closeness' is better than an all night partying with people. we can never get to know all the people we love beyond skin deep. too bad. if only there was enough time.

imagine, if nobody really left, then whats the point of time in this world? everybody wouldve taken each other for granted. time allows us to appreciate people. time indirectly teaches us to show and feel love. time tells us that it is not everyday that we get the chance to tell someone how we really feel. time tells us that until we have the time, we gotta do what we gotta do.

breakups, death, or distance doesnt put an end to love. it doesnt put an end to what happened between two people during the time they're together. how could guys from the navy stand the loneliness of being separated from their families if not for the time and memories they shared? memories and time spent with a person last longer. even those that we try to forget.



to those ive spent time with, its been a pleasure. thanks for giving me part of your lives. 'my heart is yours now.'

she's back!

YUP! she's definitely back! my favorite cousin ate ging is back. she surprised everybody with her 'comeback'! even her mom doesnt know! i missed you like hell!

im glad you're here. everything seems to be more peaceful and fun when you're here. i really missed you.

droopy

perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to
those who hardly think about us in return
--- Lucas, One Tree Hill

i hate missing people. its torture.

young at heart

we all feel so old sometimes. (especially when you're a college student in katipunan and you regularly see high school KIDS doing what you do).. so here's a list of realizations that would make you wanna face the reality that we're all getting old.

1. you begin to have nieces and nephews
2. you suddenly realize that your friends all have long term relationships. its really freaky thinking that these relationships might actually end up in marriage.
3. you start worrying about jobs and money (now that majority of my batchmates are graduating already)
4. you start limiting your gimmiks to house inumans and frequent get togethers
5. you start getting irritated with high school students who act like they own the world. its like all the stuff you know, they know as well! gawd!
6. you get shocked with what other kids do these days. uh-oh.... age gaps!
7. your younger siblings and cousins start having relationships of their own..ooohhh
8. you start talking about politics (for real!)
9. you also start talking about business (sab, lets finish our mag na!)
10. and of course, when you start discussing, contemplating, analyzing and bitching about relationships.

everybody's so scared of getting old. its just a matter of searching for that child deep within you that would bring you back to neverland. im just so happy i went through all those sh*t KIDS "normally" go through. everyone has to at some point. otherwise, life would be a big disappointment.

gotta go back to being not-so-old now.

please

here's a list of pleas. bub this one's for you.

1. please let me prove to you that i dont have the capacity to cheat, especially now that im with you. i know you still think that i could cheat on you whenever i want to. i hope you know that that's way out of my league already. been there. done that. past is past. people could change you know. i can. please understand that i can never do anything to lose you. you're way too precious.

2. please stop using such hurtful words. they last longer you know.

3. please trust me. trust has been the most controversial issue in our relationship. lets start trusting each other. lets see what magic we can make from actually believing in each other.

4. please dont ever go. you know the pathetic boomerang that i am. i know you cant go on without me also (sorry feeling) so all we basically gotta do is compromise.

5. please dont think of me as a bad, flirt girlfriend 'cause i am really not.

6. please dont say that i am not giving. for the past two years, ive given you everything i could possibly give. i know a lot of people could attest to that.

7. please surprise me na. hehe

8. please be more open minded.you know what i mean.

9. please be more patient with me. i know i can be the most irritating crab. even i hate myself for being such a crab. im so sorry.

10. please think about all the things ive written. i love you.


This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
We head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way
I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
But as our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

se7en questions

things i vow to do in a month.
3. fix up my room, and i mean clean it up and throw away all the clutter.
2. do something new with aidz
1. get a haircut

movies i recently saw that i absolutely loved.
3. my sassy girl (thanks to the wonderful joseph!)
2. batman begins (never really loved action movies but this ones different)
1. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (bittersweet. the greatest imitation of love)

things that made me happy over the weekend.
3. was at sab's house (as usual). inom lang (thats the way to end a weekend)
2. talked to someone
1. got to see my cousins again after two weeks of being left alone at home (missed them)

favorite daydreams of the moment.
3. being skinny with a closet full of fabulous clothes that accentuates my perfect bod
2. having one successful advertising company
1. getting married (at the moment a)

things i miss doing.
3. hanging out with my real ateneo barkada
2. being with my two bestfriends mar and ning
1. eating pancit canton

things that made me go "ooh".
3. new, INTERESTING facts, trivia, whatevere
2. 1st season DVD series of One Tree Hill (somebody please give me one!)
1. moments with aidz (sorry cheezy)


my seventh question:

stc 101

got this from aly's blog. amazingly funny and true.


1. theresians are simple. we're one of a kind. we could blend in with anyone, anytime. we're such laidback people that when you put us together with a group of guys, we'd immediately be one of them (unlike those other girls who tend to be more girlie girlie and pacute around boys).

2. loved being a flag raiser! such an honor!

3. for the record, PDOEAS: poor, depressed, oppressed, exploited, aware, and struggling

4. my ties (plural of course. i had around 6 ties in 1 school year) served as pencilcases!

5. PALIHAN is the ultimate getaway.

6. ....a heart generous and great.. burning with zeal for the lord.. a trail you blaze for the kingdom.. of truth, of justice and of peace...

7. never really learned tiyakad. damn you stilts!

8. resourcefulness is to winning a best costume award during your dance production

9. ADVANS are for normal people. when you're cool, you'll wear KED's! hahaha

10. food fest = free food fest

11. never did this actually. though i ate kare-kare, fried chicken, sinigang, adobo and chips in class

12. McDo Retiro WAS (or still is?) the place to be! everybody who's anybody was expected to bum there especially during fridays!

13. owners of the heights studio should be millionares by now from the profit they get from theresians. every week is picture week.

14. where?

15. true. true.

i love that i am a theresian! miss my stc friends :(

what now

Love
same old same old.
haay. ive been explaining that to aidz last night. you see, i was never really used to long term relationships. nor am i used to being so.... loyal. fine. super feeling na pakinggan, but those stuff are definitely not my forte. though im really loving every minute with aidz, there's always this something in me that screams "I NEED SOMETHING NEW!". ewan ko ba. its not that im bored or anything naman. in fact, im contented with him pa nga e. pucha... isn't it ironic? dont you think? a little too ironic. yeah, i really do think. GOING BACK, i think i just need something to stop the whole routine thing. its really hard for me to explain everything im feeling right now. everytime i try to tell him my feelings, he never gets my real, exact point.
oh...we had this poser huge fight last night. i told him not to text, call, or try to see me for the next whole week. i told him that 'cause he called me selfish and so not giving. pucha! i may be selfish in a whole lot of ways but im purely giving to you aidz! anyway, there i was again this morning. the same pathetic kar. after all the "dont text me for a whole week" thing, i was the one who texted him (as usual). i even asked him to go to me even if i demandingly told him the night before not to. shit im so pathetic. hay nako. for the record, he did come. cant resist me daw e! hahaha
grabe. im such a boomerang when it comes to love. he could throw me anywhere but ill always go back to him. oh well. relationships talaga. cant live with them; cant live without them.

Life with Friends
last saturday was such a long day. went to katipunan. met up with sab. did some stuff for the mag. went to sab's house. made 84 sandwiches. went to camille's party. went to marco's house after. home by 4am.

camille was so pretty during her party. her boyfriend gwen is so friendly! i never felt out of place there. they were all so welcoming. such filipinos! by the way, that was officially my first miriam party. way to go kar!

marco's party was the highlight of my day (other than the fact that i was with bub)! i had so much fun! sab and i were way sooo perky that night. i cant even determine whether i was down when i got home because of the beer i drank (haha poser tomador!)or the perkiness! i saw 'he who must not be named' dance again. ewwwww! hahahaha saw some old faces there like lee and luigi. weird! those were my first two crushes in admu! wow. such revelations. there were some 'always there' faces too like chino, charles, dino, fred, jp, moch, li blah blah... one thing i loved about that night is that i got to meet new people: bboy and d.a. i miss meeting new people! love it!

everybody gets their share of boredom

its been like this ever since. everytime i watch a cheezy anything (name it! movie, tv show, documentary, whatever), i cant help but think of my own cheezy future. whatever i see on TV, i replay it with me and aidz as the main characters. its always so pathetic but i love it. i love being so futuristic. it makes me a happier person knowing that something good MIGHT be waiting for me in the near future.

just watched one tree hill awhile ago. no other tv show could make me cry (okay so there's sex and the city also). every tree hill show gives me a totally different feeling. not your ordinary teeny thing. it shows you what life is really about. bittersweet sobra. ****ahem ahem to those who wanna buy me a present, buy get me a complete copy of seasons 1 and 2..hahaha****

watched newlyweds also. its so funny how nick and jessica found each other. its so amazing how nick withstands jessica's dumbness. its so funny how jessica withstands nick's bum life (considering that his singing career has come to its downfall already). theyre not the perfect couple to other people but to me, they're pretty close to being one. i love them. they love each other. thats what really matters anyway so the hell with what others think of them.

tangna i better stop watching those cheezy stuff. it sometimes gets the best out of me.

isnt it obvious that i didnt do much today?
wasnt able to see my aidz today. i miss you.

special thanks to: inigo and his condo!

isabel

i never really told sab this, but i once told aidz that i was very glad i met her. she's pretty different. in a person's whole lifetime, its hard to meet someone who could really understand and accept you for who you are. its hard to meet someone who have almost the same ideas and views in life as you do.

similarities
-sab and i love to bum. thats how i got close to her again. big thanks to bumming! even if we dont do anything when we bum, just the feeling of 'tranquility' that bumming brings gives us a sense of contentness. during weekends, i see to it that i bum with her even if i have no means of doing so.

-we love people. may it be with them or surrounded by them. if there's one thing we share (other than everything), its the need to be in a place full of people.

-its hard to explain how we often compliment each other's ideas. we usually have the same ideas. may it about business, politics, showbiz, criticizing people, school, friends, and so much much much more.

-when you really think about it, we ALMOST have the same lifestyle. ewan. sabi ni bub.

-we love ukay ukay clothes. may they be stolen or not.

-we love love. we love the idea of forever (i'm more vocal about it though). we love the feeling of loving (her sy and my ayala) and the feeling of being loved. admit it sab, we're both pathetic rin (fine. im more pathetic than you are. i just wanna have a 'kasama'). when she slept over at my place last summer, we talked about the cheezy stuff. its really fun to talk about love and its corniness with someone who thinks of love the same way you do.

-we're both very very slow people. physically slow a. we can walk fast when needed but otherwise, hell no.

-we love telling stories to each other. thats one thing i love to do. everytime somthings come up, i make sure that i tell her every single detail.

-we're both such pretty, fabulous people

differences
-she's less strict with sy than i am.

-our eating habits. i eat a lot she doesnt.

-our families. i love her family. thats why i love going to her house. i feel so comfortable there as compared to my own house. i feel so controlled here. there, i can be myself and have fun.

-our nails. she has long nails i dont. (pathetic comparison)

its hard to find a real friend. when you actually find one, then you're lucky. im lucky i got sab. i could picture us already.. two old (yet still ravishing)lolas, playing majong on weekdays, talking about our grandchildren. saby has this aura of being so irresistably loveable.

SABBY dear, you know for a fact that i love being with you. you're my everlasting daylight!

its them bitches that matter

tangna. its been an effin' (woohoo! finally got to use the word!) looooooooong time since i last saw my real ateneo barkada. it felt good seeing all of them again in one place cause i usually see them one at a time lang.

really missed hanging out with these people! i used to see them almost everyday (including sundays sometimes yan a)for three years. their condos were my houses. i miss making them laugh (especially jm). i miss singing with them. i miss criticizing other people with them. i miss them all. they used to know every little thing that was happening in my forever feeling colorful life. now that we dont get to talk anymore, its so sad that when i see them all together, its like im just one of the "plus one". its really hard to relate especially now that i havent really talked to them for two semesters already.

i know its my fault. i was the one who stopped hangin out with them. not that i dont want to. its just so different when i get out of school e. basta. so hard to explain. wanx, i still love your condo. its the best haven. how i hope that by this entry, i could somehow makeup for some pf the bum moments i missed with them.

here are my bitches:

dian: for some reason, ive come to love her weird weirdness (haha) already! she's the ultimate partygirl. come nighttime and she's out! bumming with this girl can be so hilarious. as in super. we laugh a lot. doesnt really matter what its about as long as were laughing. hey, i miss that. i miss dian. you better come back here dian! even if she has this rollercoaster relationships with guys, i know for a fact that my dear pretty dian is just waiting for her prince charming to come save her.

jm: my ultimate singing partner. as usual, he'd give me the rap parts and he'd sing the girl parts of the song. ahh my dear mmmilkman. he'd laugh at any joke i tell him. im his favorite joker! loves it! with everything ive been through in college, he's one of the few people who could really give me good advices. i know that il always have him and how i hope he knows that he'l always have me. such a sweetie my jm is. there's really no dull moment with him.

wenki: wenkityas, wenkityas! sobrang gaan ng loob ko kay wenks. i was never intimidated to tell her my dirty little secrets (well nung orsem i was scared. cge na i admit it na). grabe wenki is such a laidback person. that's why i love hanging out with her. plus she's the only one who imitates my magaslaw and makulit moves. its so funny when we do stupid stuff together. how i miss her house in bacolod. how i hope i could go back there soon.

jojie: the ever so unpredictable chocho. hihihihi the normal chocho is conservative and reserved. the kalog is chocho is makulit and magaslaw. oh and a good imitator of people pa pala. the drunk chocho is loud and funny. hehehe i admire chocho's goodness. really. i admire her for being so close to her mom as well. girls like cho are one of a kind. haha. i actually remember marla when i think of cho. my chinita friend!!!!! feeling chinita din ako, ok lang?

alex:mmm! ALEXA! KALA MO DI KITA MAKIKILALA NO? (vaseline commercial). alex is my ever so bubbly friend. she's really pretty. well cge na nga, her whole family is pretty. hehe. she lives near me lang but we never really got to go to each other's house for nonsense reasons. we should do that someday alex. everybody loves alex. she always has this smile on her face whether she's happy or frustrated. i adore her sense of style. super astig lang. and to think she's not really the overly expensive buyer pa. i love her cool mom cause she's so.. umm... cool! duh?

jen: jen is the twin sister of alex. they somehow think alike na. because they're together most of the time, they seemingly start to look like each other. as in parang twins na talaga. but thats ok. they're both pretty naman e. jen is such a sweet girl. i miss our talks about love.. and life.. and the shit. she was the one who influenced me to make my own scrapbook. guru! oh and she was the first person to let me use tampons. hehe il never forget that! tangna, just remembered, we (as in the two of us lang) used to go to up just to eat isaw and kwek kwek. hey jen, when ulit?

chris: chris is our queen bitch. hehe chris may have this image that says "mataray and masungit" na kagad. but when you really try to get to know her, she is actually a very nice girl. yes, girl. she's the youngest in the group and yet she's the most mature one yata. she loves beer. ask pizza hut if you want! she's one rational person. and thats good actually. she's the one who brings me back to reality. we've been through a lot already and im really happy that were still friends. dont worry chris, il always have your back.

IM YOUR GIRL. YOUR MY GIRLS. DONT YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU?

saved by bubba

we fought (AGAIN) last night but as expected... ok na kami ulit by the time we see each other again. goody!

im so sick! tangna. i hate being so sick. especially during school days. just the thought of coughing or trying to keep my runny nose from running infront of a lot of people scares me. virus! virus! virus! im so sick! uhhhhh

july 5, 2005

happy 22nd monthsary bubba. i love you